


4 : 3 3

by acenhypen



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: BTS and TXT and I-LANDERS Cameo, Bucket List, Cliche, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I don't even know how many chapters this will have, I think?, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kim Sunoo-centric (ENHYPEN), Light Angst, Like really slow, M/M, Mentions of Jayhoon, Mentions of Sunsun, Mint Boys, Pining, Plotty, Rare Pairings, SOMEBODY ANSWER ME, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Pace, Teenage Drama, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, WHY ARE THEY A RARE PAIR?, What Have I Done, but it does not just revolve around bucket lists, heenoo, heesun is their best ship name, inconsistent plot, is that a word?, sunseung, tags are a mess as you can see, who knows - Freeform, will probably end up having lots of plot holes hahaha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 45,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27755176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acenhypen/pseuds/acenhypen
Summary: "so you're blackmailing me to help you do whatever you're planning?""and to clear your conscience, i suppose."in which sunoo makes a mistake and has to pay for it.
Relationships: Kim Sunoo/Lee Heeseung
Comments: 111
Kudos: 244





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> also posted this on wattpad

december 14, 2019

"you'd never guess who i'm planning to kiss on this year's party."  
jungwon practically hops towards sunoo's locker as he fails to suppress the bright grin on his face.

"good morning to you too."

"yeah, good morning. so listen... about the new year's kiss." the younger's grin resembles a cheshire cat while he's visibly vibrating with glee.

"should we think about christmas first?" as a way to rile jungwon up, sunoo continues to ask.

"yeah, well i've decided about new year's already."

sunoo smiles at his bestfriend's excitement though he isn't able to hide the confusion on his face.  
"that's nice but i thought you weren't going to attend."

he recalls how the younger boy said a few days ago that he has no plan of attending shim jake's annual new year's party because he deems it 'too crowdy and loud'. 

sunoo knows the real reason was because his crush will be attending with his girlfriend.

jungwon shrugs, "changed my mind. so, have any ideas?" he bumps sunoo lightly, causing the clumsy boy to almost drop his chemistry book and resulting in his sling pouch where he keeps his lip balm and face powder to fall. that wouldn't have been possible but jungwon has a stronger build compared to sunoo.

"oops, sorry, hyung~" jungwon winces while he helps sunoo pick up the fallen material.

the older shakes his head with a smile.  
"thanks." he adjusts the book in his arms as he slides the sling pouch over his shoulder, grunting.  
"i really have no idea who you're planning on kissing though."

jungwon looks like he's going to burst if he's not able to spit it out right now.  
"i'm planning to kiss lee heeseung."

that is something sunoo did not expect from his dongsaeng.  
"the lee heeseung? good luck with that, jungwon."

jake's new year's party has the traditional midnight kiss for good luck.  
somehow, this tradition ends up an opportunity for people to force themselves on golden boy lee heeseung since no matter how people try in the past three years he's in highschool, he would never let anyone kiss him. not even the countless boyfriends and girlfriends he had.

when sunoo heard about it last year, he can't help but find their game on heeseung really stupid.

the guy doesn't want to be kissed yet people never stop trying to. he probably has hygienic issues or something.

there had been countless bets that exceed level of absurdities like betting their own dog or whatever but nothing works. 

even with his reputation as the school's goody two shoes, lee leeseung lets no one try and kiss him. sunoo didn't know why but that doesn't change the fact that people are literally trying to invade someone's space just to satisfy their sick egos.

he guesses they think no one having done it yet makes kissing heeseung even more worth it. their popularity depends on his. who doesn't want to take a chance on the star player in the basketball team and the popular good guy that sunoo thought only existed in young adult novels?

he's not even sure they want to kiss him because they genuinely like to or they just want to make a record of being able to kiss heeseung. he finds it pathetic for those shallow people, and sad for heeseung.

"now what makes you say that, sunoo-hyung?" jungwon shakes his head, clicking his tongue.

"the long history of past and, not to mention, stupid attempts to kiss Lee heeseung is enough evidence for your inevitable failure."

as the two of them walk towards their first class of the day, sunoo's eyes sweep over multiple faces that all have one thing in common: they all tried to kiss heeseung.

k, the japanese exchange student who pretended to have hurt his knees while running on the track field near where heeseung is sitting during recess last semester. rumors said a 400,000 won worth watch was on the line there.

one thing that everyone should know when you try to make a move on heeseung is his younger brother, euijoo, is almost always by his side. 

fun fact: euijoo is a great fencer.

boy, no one expected tame looking euijoo to look so intimidating, especially during fencing matches.

rumors also claimed that 6 feet tall k cowered in euijoo's presence. the boy has a thing of protecting his brother especially when the bets started. He won't hesitate in demonstrating his skills to shun people who try to hurt heeseung.

sunoo heard that this year, k is still planning on taking his shot since euijoo is possibly going to be occupied with his girlfriend at the party.

sunoo's eyes fall on a tall, model-like guy laughing at what he deems funny from the magazine he's reading.

choi seon. he tried to jump on the 'kiss heeseung' bandwagon too for his reputation as the school's flirt.  
that guy has a way with words he could make anyone swoon with probably a few syllables. that tactic of his would have worked if heeseung wasn't smart enough to know about his motives. who doesn't, really? literally anyone who tries to even show a bit of interest on heeseung doesn't have pure intentions. heeseung probably has trust issues already.

"jungwon-ah, don't tell me you're taking on a bet now." he narrows his eyes at the younger who proceeds to trip over his own words.

"i--- i would never, sunoo-hyung! i swear."  
jungwon seems to be telling the truth but sunoo suspects there is something he's probably hiding that is making him this jittery and nervous.

he hides an amused grin at his dongsaeng's awkwardness.  
"then, why would you want to kiss heeseung if it weren't for a coupon or something?"

"hey, kim sunoo-hyung! i happen to have a thing for good guys with pretty eyes. though i don't exactly want to kiss him because i like him..."

"and the truth comes out. poor heeseung-ssi." sunoo comments, earning him a glare from Jungwon.

"it's not that. i just want ni-ki to notice me. i figured if i try and kiss heeseung..." trails off jungwon, crimson coating his cheeks.

so, it is about his crush.

"hey, i love you but don't you think heeseung deserves better than being a plot device for your love life? the guy never gets a break..."

jungwon purses his lips together in thought before a defeated groan escapes him.  
"ugh. fine. then, i won't do it anymore."

the only thing sunoo can do is give jungwon a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. jungwon only pouts in return.

then, a sly look crosses the younger's face.  
"changing topics. how about you, hyung? do you have any plans? who do you want to kiss?"

sunoo winces as the conversation falls on him.  
"you know i don't do that. besides, this is the first time i'm attending."

since they became highschool freshmen last year, jungwon always tries to set sunoo up with someone every chance he gets and he fails everytime. even now that they're sophomores, who said things are going to be any different?

"oh, come on! you still haven't moved on from---"

a single withering gaze from him has the younger boy shutting up.

"geez... with that bright and pretty face of yours, i would never expect you to be able to look so murderous."

sunoo can't help but laugh, hand covering his mouth.

"let's not talk about the party. i'm just glad the holidays are starting soon so we can take a break from all this stress."

"i guess you're right." jungwon sighs as they take their respective seats in mr. bang's homeroom.

sunoo shakes his head.  
he tries to not think much of the party but throughout the day, all he could think about was jungwon's question.

'who do you want to kiss?'

even when it irritates him so, there's only one person that comes in sunoo's mind.

"are you going to get that or are you just going to stare at it?"  
he snaps back to reality when he feels a presence beside him.

"oh!" sunoo flushes upon realizing that he's taking too long in the queue and the lunch lady is staring at him.

"sorry about that." he bows apologetically at the annoyed lady who just shakes her head.

embarrassment fills sunoo from head toe and it has him feeling like everyone is staring at him. he didn't even give a care to what was put in his tray as long as he gets it over with so he could go back to their table.

a chuckle sounds from behind him while he hastily searches with his eyes for his dongsaeng in the canteen.

"you seemed to be deep in thought, huh?"  
his breath gets stuck in his throat and he chokes on air. his grip on the tray tightens.

why, of all times, would he talk to me now when i was just thinking about him a few seconds ago?  
sunoo internally curses.

wishing he looks decent, sunoo takes a look at the speaker, craning his neck upwards. He can feel himself tremble through his smile.

park sunghoon never fails to send his heart somersaulting with just looking at his face. his pale skin and dark hair compliment him so much. and his face! gosh his face is just so handsome and aristocratic. he reminds sunoo of a greek god.

"hello." the most basic word in human communication and he can't even say it properly without feeling like crying. his tongue feels like it is made of lead.

sunghoon smiles at him, his cute fangs showing. sunoo thinks he's going to faint.

"how are you, sunoo? we haven't spoken since..." he trails off, a short moment of awkwardness settling between them which the younger quickly shakes off with a feigned cough.

"i'm great, sunghoon-hyung!" sunoo fights the urge to cringe at how high and squeaky his voice reached.

sunghoon nods uneasily, reaching a hand to scratch the back of his neck.  
"that's... uh... nice to hear." his eyes flitter towards something or someone behind sunoo and an unreadable expression crosses his face.

their gazes meet and sunoo faintly recognizes that look on sunghoon's face. something he has seen before.

he breaks contact first, suddenly feeling like crap.  
"i'll see you around, hyung. bye." before the older can utter a word, sunoo's fleeing to the other side of the room, where jungwon is.

"stupid, stupid, stupid." he mutters angrily to himself, slamming the tray down on the table and taking his bestfriend by surprise.

jungwon's forehead creases.  
"hey, you okay?"

sunoo grabs the chair with more force than necessary and sits on it a little harshly.  
"i feel peachy. absolutely wonderful." he says through gritted teeth as he stabs the cup of iced tea with the straw.

"hyung, calm down." warns jungwon at sunoo who's aggressively sipping from his cup, eyes blazing.

why, why, why would he talk to me again after that? and really? in front of freaking everyone? in front of freaking---

"you know if you really like sunghoon-hyung, try and make a move on him on this year's party." suggests jungwon, taking a bite from the food on sunoo's tray.

sunoo pauses and shoots a look of disbelief at the younger boy who looks unbothered.  
"no offense, jungwon, but I know to stop pursuing a person when they're already with somebody else."

just his freaking luck. the only guy he decides to like is in a relationship.

jungwon raises his arms in defeat.  
"okay, fine. chill."

the two of them lapse into a semi comfortable silence, leaving sunoo in his mess of thoughts.

'sunoo...'

'hyung, why not?'

he shuts his eyes to block out the memory, shame and regret resurfacing in his chest.

but even when he got home, all sunoo could think about was that night.

sunghoon's birthday last year.


	2. Chapter 2

december 21, 2019

it's four days before christmas yet sunoo is dreading about the nearing end of the year. since their break started which was 2 days ago, all he could think about is sunghoon and new year's and kisses.

he can't feel the holiday spirit even if he wants to.

christmas is supposed to be one of his favorite holidays of the year. he would be able to eat sweets baked by his mother as much as he wants. crystal snow would fall so beautifully and he could play outside with his cousins.

oh and presents! sunoo loves giving and receiving presents. it gives him a warm feeling, seeing the smiles on a loved one's face.

but he's forgotten all that because of the damn new year's party.

he doesn't know why he's worrying so much but he is. he's getting anxious over something that he wouldn't have given a bit of thought before.

the thought of buying christmas presents almost slipped his mind while he was thinking about who he's going to kiss this year when he knows he's not going to.

that's why, four days before christmas, sunoo is unfortunately at the mall with the crowds frenzy and irritatingly loud since they, like him, are trying to buy gifts before sellers raise the price even more.

 _damn capitalism,_ he mutters to himself as he stands near the entrance door, hugging his hands to himself.

his eyes scan for the people entering the already crowded mall, searching for a bunny-faced teenager with cute eyebrows and fluffy brown hair. if he's there, he's probably going to be wearing clothes so colorful he would be hard to miss but sunoo doesn't see him yet.

"yang jungwon, when are you showing up?" anxiety hits sunoo. wasting his time like this and imagining the trouble he's going to have to go through before he can buy all he needs isn't really helping with it. he can picture himself trying to squeeze between loads of people and he instinctively winces. there is a possible chance that a stampede would occur and sunoo struggles to not think about what could happen to him.

amidst his overthinking, something catches his attention. near the department store. a familiar face.

lee heeseung exits a sports store with two men who look a bit older than him. the two of them might be in their early 20's, judging from the youthful looks on their faces though they don't look like highschoolers unlike heeseung. sunoo notices that compared to the two strangers conversing rather casually, heeseung has a frown on his face as he carries huge boxes in his arms. it looks like he doesn't want to be there from the glare he's sending at the back of the two strangers' heads.

sunoo knew he was a goody two shoes but he didn't expect heeseung to be treated like a pushover. he's always been kind at school but sunoo witnesses him turn people down and make rejections.

there must be something with those two that heeseung can't say no to.

heeseung seems to say something snappish and one of the two guys, the shorter but bulkier one, slaps him at the back of his head a little roughly, his blue beanie falling off.

no one in the massive crowd notices them, too absorbed in their own businesses but sunoo does.

he fights back a gasp, torn between wanting to help heeseung and cowering at the sight of the two guys who he knows he has no match for.

heeseung stumbles a little but he keeps a firm hold on the boxes. the two guys laugh and the taller one of the two with green hair lays a hand on his shoulder.

sunoo assumes he said something rather unpleasant because heeseung's face distorts with anger though he stays silent and nods instead. the shorter one of the two picks heeseung's beanie off the floor and shoves it back to his head messily. the two strangers then walk away, leaving heeseung standing there.

a few seconds pass. heeseung doesn't move, facing the direction the two guys disappeared to. sunoo contemplates walking over to him. maybe he could ask if he's okay even though they never had a proper conversation before except that one time when sunoo's a freshman and he didn't know where the comfort room is. heeseung, being the kind guy, had pointed him to where it is. after that, a year later, not even a word was exchanged between them. it's no one's fault, really. it's just the way things are.

a few more seconds pass.

sunoo realizes he can't find it in himself to approach him. it would be very awkward for the two of them. not to mention, it would be obvious that he's been spying on him. sunoo could imagine what that would seem like to heeseung.

creepy. meddling. not at all normal.

besides, sunoo is not even sure heeseung remembers him.

while he is having an internal battle, sunoo doesn't even notice that the guy he's worrying over at the moment is already gone. like poof.

he startles back to reality, turning his head in every direction as he tries to spot any signs of lee heeseung and wondering why he's doing so.

sunoo's stomach drops. his efforts to look for heeseung were to no avail. he bites his lip out of habit when he's disappointed and sighs.

_why am i even bothering? i have no idea what went on nor have a right to know._

but there is just something in there that unsettles him so much he can't stop thinking about. how the two unknown guys acted towards heeseung was far from friendly. heeseung himself seems to not be on good terms with them. he's never hostile towards people, hence the 'goody two shoes' term, but his negative attitude when it comes to those two is another story.

there's no use though in trying to decipher something that doesn't involve him so instead, sunoo focuses on what he's come to the mall for: buying presents.

he takes his phone out of his pocket and opens it, frustrated at the lack of reply from his bestfriend who promised to accompany him today. they were supposed to be here an hour ago and until now, jungwon has yet to show up.

to pass time and distract himself from what occurred a few minutes ago, sunoo decides to scroll through his photos, mostly composed of selfies and candids.

he smiles at some photos he took of jungwon when they went out for karaoke night on jungwon's 16th birthday this year. there was one of the younger wearing an ugly wig they found on the karaoke room as he sung their song: you are my sunshine. it is a good memory.

jungwon complimenting his talent in photography passes in his mind too, something that really boosts his ego and passion to get a course relating to this in college.

he sees another self-taken picture of his on his birthday this year, when he turned 17. it is him wearing a mint sweater his mom knitted for him along with a big party hat his older sister insisted on wearing for the rest of their small, intimate celebration. he can't help but giggle slightly, causing some of the passing people to look at him for a brief moment.

his train of happy thoughts crashes when he stumbles upon a photo he vaguely remembers taking. this was probably a year ago judging from the blurry shot and bad angle he has outgrown these days with practice.

he scoffs at the object of his shot, so happy and unknowing of what he's feeling at that time. sunoo could feel his younger self's frustration radiating from the picture and he wants to scold himself for acting irrationally that day.

it is a picture of sunghoon in the middle of blowing the candle on his birthday cake, smiles stretching so much on the faces beside him that sunoo feels actual physical pain looking at them.

it had been a rather huge gathering in contrary to what sunghoon wanted since he was friends with jake, a rich boy who is known for being generous when it comes to throwing parties on special occasions. almost half of the school was invited, including sunoo who considers it his first social event as a freshman.

it is one of if not the most embarrassing moments of his life. it reminds him of how naive and unprepared he is when it comes to life as a teenager.

sunoo, right then and there, decides that it is probably for the best if he doesn't attend the new year's party. he's not going to have to worry all the time he's there and he'll be saving himself from a lot of pain when it comes to the kissing part.

"sunoo-hyung!" he looks up from his phone and, annoyance at jungwon for being late set aside, his face lights up at the sight of the guy running towards him. well, trying to run but the huge mass of people is kind of ruining everything.

he meets his bestfriend halfway, slapping him on the shoulder which causes jungwon to yelp.

"you could have said you were going to be late, yang jungwon!" he sneers.

jungwon flushes with shame.  
"sorry. i lost track of time..."

"why?"

"i kinda landed a date with ni-ki on new year's."

sunoo's eyes widen and he grabs his dongsaeng by the shoulders.  
"give me the details."

to their luck, the two of them manage to enter the department store without getting trampled on or sandwiched like sunoo thought.

their first stop was at the clothing section where sunoo plans to buy his dad a knitting set. he mentioned the one he's currently using is not in good condition anymore.

"i bumped to him on the way here and i had a few hours to waste so, i took the chance and well, they say time flies when you're having fun..." sunoo chuckles as jungwon rambles about what happened that ended up with him and nishimura riki going on a date 10 days from now.

 _some people really get lucky when it comes to love._ he thinks bitterly.

sunoo imagines he's going to be spending new year's at home, watching the fireworks with his little cousins and disney movies later on.

jungwon continues to speak, sunoo occassionally humming in response as a sign he's listening as he picks up a decent priced set of knitters.

"... and i found out he's recently broken up for reasons i don't really care about. also, he said he doesn't have anyone to spend new year's with since his parents are going to be on vacation so i asked him to go to the party with me."

sunoo smiles in relief.  
"so, i guess you won't be alone in the party then?"

jungwon frowns and a confused laugh escapes him.  
"what do you mean?"

"well, i'm not planning on attending, jungwonie. sorry..."  
he doesn't feel sorry at all, no offense to jungwon.

the younger shakes his head in both disbelief and disapproval.  
"that isn't happening, sunoo-hyung! it can't."

"why not?"

"because i got you a date too!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thank you for reading my book. reading the previous comments has certainly helped me continue this and leaving more is really appreciated.
> 
> till the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: a bit of underage drinking

december 31, 2019

sunoo wonders why he even agreed to doing this in the first place.

 _oh yeah,_ the date thing he didn't expect to ruin his plans.

he's got his holidays all planned out!

he spent christmas as usual with his family and jungwon, drinking hot chocolate after playing in the snow that morning.

then they had sung christmas carols by the piano, a mix of off key and out of sync singing that had them all laughing to themselves.

he had also prepared gifts he got last minute.

a knitting set for his dad. a journal for his mom. a pair of shoes for his sister. for his little cousins, he gave them a set of toys they can play with. of course, he wouldn't forget his bestfriend who he got the perfume he's been eyeing on the day they went christmas shopping.

everything went well for december 25th.

for the 31st and 1st, all he just wants is to stay at home. give himself a bit of solitude.

but guess what? sunoo finds himself lounging inside a partyhouse shim jake rented, a cup of what he presumes is punch in his hand as he warms his butt on a couch.

 _i should have never gotten him that perfume._ sunoo throws a dirty look at jungwon who doesn't notice because he's busy looking at ni-ki as if he hung the stars in the sky.

_at least, he's enjoying._

sunoo, on the other hand, is having the worst new year's eve of his life and he knows it's just going to get worse when a certain guy with dark hair, pale skin and a mole in his nose near his eye shows up.

"you know you can at least act like you're enjoying this, sunoo-ssi." jeers the girl beside him, _his 'friendly' date_ since he's not into girls, desperately trying to create space between them as much as possible. it is clear she's not happy about this set up either.

sunoo plasters an exaggerated bright expression to further emphasize his pure loathing of this situation, wishing it would make the girl ni-ki introduced as his friend more annoyed than he is so he wouldn't feel so miserable.

_yang jungwon, the things you do to please your crush, i swear._

despite his sick need to leave, he allows himself to take a look at the massive building jake always rents for parties. the only time he's been here was a year ago and he realizes he kinda forgot how parties are.

the music is loud. the place is a mess of colorful balloons and ruffled decors. people keep coming in, some of them don't probably go to their school.

he then finds himself wondering about the midnight kiss and lee heeseung's case about it. another thought comes to his mind, a person whose name starts with 's' and ends with 'unghoon', and he bitterly shakes it away.

"do you think he will show up? lee heeseung, i mean?"

ni-ki replies, "he always does despite the fact that people would be pulling tricks on him left and right."

"he's either dumb or brave." jungwon adds. sunoo notices he's bent on playing the cool guy as he subtly puts an arm around ni-ki. he finds it both funny and weird.

"or maybe he just doesn't give a shit." the girl who he didn't even bother asking her name for manages to sneak into the conversation, throwing a knowing glance at the door.

the three of them follow her gaze to where a newly arrived heeseung is, a bright laugh escaping him at something the girl in his arm (his date probably) whispered. sunoo has a good guess that girl is also planning on participating in the 'kiss heeseung' game. maybe tonight heeseung would let her or someone. who knows?

with him are ej and his girlfriend who are holding hands... there is also jay who happens to be heeseung's bestfriend and... sunghoon's boyfriend. of course, the devil himself is there by jay's side. he's always there by jay's side.

sunoo swallows a lump in his throat at the sight of sunghoon and jay. he's never seen them together until now and he's regretting it already because they look so perfect together. jay looks so cool and manly while sunghoon...

against his own wishes, sunoo's eyes study the object of his affections. damn his morals! no one will know he's eyeing someone's boyfriend if he's careful.

 _why does he look so handsome and so kissable?_ he asks himself, fists clenching in envy of jay who has the honor of kissing sunghoon.

before anyone or worse, jay or sunghoon sees him staring at them, sunoo averts his gaze to the banner set up between the pillars inside jake's partyhouse that read 'happy new year'.

_what is happy with the new year?_

"what time is it?" sunoo hears ni-ki ask through the fairly loud noise. he takes a glance at him and jungwon on the loveseat they're sharing, hiding a smirk at how red his bestfriend's face is at the almost non-existent distance between the two of them as ni-ki leans closer to his ear.

"uh..." jungwon looks like he's holding back tears. sunoo wishes he could take a picture of him so he could remember there is at least something that makes being here tolerable.

jungwon manages to let the words out. sunoo has to applaud him for that.  
"11:00."

when he hears the hour, frustration bubbles in him at the fact that he's been here for 2 hours and he still has to endure 60 more minutes of torture, seeing people kiss each other at midnight and wishing he could disappear before he spots sunghoon lock lips with his boyfriend.

but then, why is he making himself so miserable over something _no_ , someone who wouldn't notice nor even care? sunghoon didn't care before so why would he care now?

a party is where you are meant to have fun. to let loose. to get crazy.  
that's what sunoo's going to do.

with a smile, he tilts his head and tips the cup over his mouth to make sure he drinks everything from it. he gags a little at the strong, foreign and hot sensation running down his throat.

"does this have alcohol?" he's never drank one because he's still three years away from legal age but from what he read, they usually burn.

miss i-dont-know-her-name scoffs as if saying 'duh. what do you expect?'

he hears jungwon ask concernedly, "wait. isn't that illegal? jake could get in trouble for that, right?"

"he's probably not the one who put the alcohol there though."

sunoo licks his lips off the unfamiliar taste and a hint of peach tickles his tongue. he likes peach. he suddenly has an intense craving for it.

"i'm getting another one!" he shouts to no one in particular, a giggle erupting from him at the looks his three companions gave him. he thinks they probably never saw a handsomely beautiful man before.

with jungwon trailing behind him, he makes his way to the punch bowl where a ridiculously tall guy who he's almost sure is k is standing at.

"hyung, i think we should tell someone the drink is spiked." jungwon catches up to him and grabs his arm with a worried look.

he contemplates doing that but sunoo realizes he can't form thoughts in his head. instead, everything is fuzzy and there is a funny feeling in his chest that just makes him want to go to the bathroom.

"i wanna pee." he mumbles, pouting at the annoyed expression jungwon sends him.

his bestfriend waves a hand in front of his face and he giggles because of it.

_when did everything suddenly become so cute and funny? and why is the sky blue and the grass green?_

"really? after one drink, you're drunk already?"

"i'm drunk?" sunoo asks, scratching his neck.   
"i thought my name is kim sunoo."

he giggles again.  
"drunk sounds like a cute name though."

when k moves past him, sunoo, in his drunk stupor which he doesn't know, grabs his arm sloppily.  
"hi! my name is drunk. you are very tall."

"umm... hi?"

"can you tell me where the bathroom is?"

k wasn't able to answer because jungwon cuts in, an apologetic smile on his face as he grabs sunoo.  
"sorry for bothering you, k-hyung."

the two of them wind back to the couch where sunoo's space is now being occupied by a bunch of girls who seem to know miss i-dont-know-her-name.

"hyung, what's the matter?" ni-ki stands up from the loveseat to offer assistance.

"sunoo-hyung's drunk. i think i'll be taking him home now. maybe you should go tell someone about the spiked drink." jungwon says as he puts a firm grip on sunoo's arm to keep him from falling.

"wait, wouldn't he get in trouble with his parents?"

"oh, you're right. what should we do?"

the pair takes a look at sunoo whose eyes are near to drooping close.

"we should get him to sober up before you take him home."

a shout then resonates inside the house from the center of the living room.  
"30 minutes before midnight! don't forget the annual kiss for good luck!"

sunoo startles awake and out of jungwon's hold at the noise and makes a sour face at the reminder of the new year's kiss.  
"i would have park sunghoon to kiss if he wasn't with somebody else." he mutters to himself.

he blames the alcohol because right then and there, an idea slithers its way into sunoo's head. a bad idea at that. very, very bad.

his eyes betray his values and they scan for park sunghoon among the huge crowd in the first floor.

sneaking out of jungwon's sight, he stumbles his way to the living room, the terrace and the kitchen yet there are no signs of sunghoon.

_maybe he's in the second floor._

"hey, have you seen kim sunoo? the guy with cute cheeks?" his ears perk up at the sound of his bestfriend searching for him and a small 'aww' sound escapes from him. feeling funny once more, he clamps a hand to his mouth and pushes past the crowd of people to trudge up the stairs in search of sunghoon.

the rational and sober part of him keeps protesting but drunk sunoo is nowhere near listening to his brain for once.

when he reached the second floor, sunoo allows himself to look around in awe, bumping to a few people in doing so.

 _i might kiss jake too..._  
he laughs to himself.

_... but sunghoon exists so maybe not._

_sunghoon._

_i have to go to him._

but then, his urge to pee comes back.

"bathroom. i have to go to the bathroom first to pee and make myself more handsome." sunoo decides with a nod to himself as he sways unsteadily towards one of the rooms.

all the 5 rooms he comes across are locked until he finds a vacant room with a bathroom.

without hesitation, sunoo lets himself in and wastes no time in dashing towards the bathroom.

after doing his business did sunoo only feel like his head's pounding like a drum. he groans as he splashes water on his face, the coolness of it sending goosebumps to his skin.

he searches in his pouch for pain relief medicine only to find his lip balm and face powder.

 _well, if i'm going to be a mess, might as well be beautiful mess._ he recites to himself as he applies lip balm.

sunoo's rational side is screaming at him again to stop whatever he's planning but the alcohol has a certain hold on him that comes with tasting it for the first time.

"heeseung-hyung, i told you coming here is such a bad idea. people are going to play tricks." a voice sounds from outside the bathroom.

"i don't really have a choice, euijoo. you know that."

sunoo freezes midway from puckering his lips.

"you know we could have went somewhere else."

"wouldn't want to miss jake's party. he'd be very disappointed."

"i'm sure he'll understand."

"don't worry about me, euijoo. i'll be fine. besides, i want to have fun tonight." heeseung speaks so softly sunoo might have missed what he said.

"but, hyung---"

"your girlfriend would not appreciate you leaving her there with the two lovebirds especially with the midnight kiss in..." there is a brief pause.   
"... 6 minutes. come on."

_it is in 6 minutes?! i have to find sunghoon._

a part of sunoo, the right one, protests once more but then again, the alcohol wins.

a small moment of silence falls and sunoo thinks they already left until he hears euijoo release a sigh.  
"just don't drink the punch. it's probably spiked. k most likely did it."

"everyone knows it will be spiked." sunoo hears heeseung chuckle. the sound makes the pain in his head increase.

he then hears the door slam shut and a small giggle of relief escapes him. it would be an unnecessary disaster if the two find out he's been unintentionally spying on them, just like he did before back at the mall.

opening the door by a crack, sunoo takes a peek and upon seeing the empty room, he exits the bathroom with the sole idea of getting to sunghoon before midnight.

when he exited the room, sunoo is shocked by the amount of crowd outside. people had doubled in a short amount of time. they're already shouting countdowns and sunoo's nervousness spikes up.

he has a hard time moving past people with his fuzzy head and jelly legs but he still manages to stay in one piece upon reaching the first floor.

"sunghoon-hyung." he whispers dreamily to himself when he spots said guy at the terrace.

10

9

8

his voice rises higher as he calls out sunghoon's name once more while he increases speed in walking towards him.

7

6

5

sunoo's heartbeat fastens and the pain in his head somehow disappears as he feels light on his feet.  
he's probably going to regret this but he's not stopping.

4

3

2

he's going to kiss sunghoon.

1

he was so close to grabbing the boy when the lights went out as fireworks exploded.

gasps and shouts echo in every corner at the abrupt black out.

that doesn't stop the people from whooping and screaming with joy at the changing of number in their year.

the fireworks fill the night sky with color and serve as the only source of light in the party house.

sunoo, in the midst of it all, struggles to look for sunghoon under the dim and flickering light.

in his peripheral vision, he sees people already kissing and he panics.

he remembers sunghoon being inches away from him with his back turned so sunoo whirls him around and damning it all to hell, presses his lips to his.

sunghoon obviously freezes against his kiss, his mouth unmoving but it doesn't matter to him. he just wants to feel this even just once. he knows it's selfish and sunghoon is going to hate him for it but his love life is already miserable so why not just make it worse?

sunoo's little taste of paradise comes to an end when he feels himself being pushed back gently by sunghoon.

he thinks this is the end as he prepares himself before he opens his eyes. people are going to see just how evil he is for kissing someone's boyfriend. he realizes he's going to hate himself once he sees the look on sunghoon's face but he knows he can't keep his eyes shut forever. he's going to have to pay the price because he knows well that the alcohol isn't to blame anymore.

the moment he opened his eyes, an apology is already at the tip of his tongue.

"hyung, i'm really sorry but---"

"let me guess. you did this for your pet piranha? didn't know you now involved sunghoon in your stupid bets." sunghoon interrupts him.

_what?_

sunoo is confused.  
"what do you mean for my pet piranha?"

_and why did he say his own name?_

more fireworks exploded and sunoo has to cover his eyes to block out the sudden brightness, the pain in his head returning by a tenfold. he feels like it will make his head explode.

"or maybe it is for something else?"

sunoo feels like he is having a fever dream

because right in front of him is lee heeseung with lipbalm staining his mouth.

he makes the pretense of licking his lips as if taking a taste.

"peach flavor... is that your favorite fruit, kim sunoo-ssi, right?"

sunoo feels like throwing up, his head spinning, so he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this one!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear, reader,
> 
> thank you for continuing to read my book! i really appreciate it.
> 
> regarding the next chapter, i won't be able to post until the next two weeks since i'm taking a break for the holidays hehe
> 
> to compensate, this chapter is a bit longer than the previous ones 🤗  
> i look forward to updating you after my break ☺
> 
> have a happy christmas!!!

january 1, 2020

no one told sunoo that anxiety is going to be such a bigger bitch than it already is this morning.

he gets it, okay?

he messed up big time the moment he drank the punch he didn't even suspect was spiked. classic newbie mistake.

he messed up by letting his emotions take full control of him that night. he messed up thinking about kissing sunghoon and even more when he acted on it.

but what really concluded him screwing things up is when he accidentally kissed lee heeseung. of all people he could kiss by mistake, why would it have to be him?

 _it had been my first kiss._ he thinks sadly to himself.

it's not like he has a grudge against the guy but heeseung literally has people fighting over who gets to kiss him first. sunoo, with all due respect, doesn't really care. he never intended for him to be involved yet for some reason, his lips chose to fall on his.

he really shouldn't have agreed on attending. he didn't learn his lesson on sunghoon's 17th birthday party.

_gosh, why did i do that?_

waking up today feels like torture. he wakes up with a faint headache and an irritating buzz in his ears. then, he finds his phone filled with a bunch of messages from jungwon.

_**december 31, 2019** _

  
**'sunoo-hyung, where are you? it is almost midnight!'**   
**Seen.**   
**11:40 pm**

**'you better reply, you idiot!'**   
**Seen.**   
**11:45 pm.**

sunoo groans to himself, slapping a hand to his face in frustration.

**'they're counting down. 10 minutes, sunoo-hyung.'**   
**Seen**   
**11:50 pm**

**'the only explanation i would accept for your disappearance is you finding park sunghoon to kiss him.'**   
**Seen**   
**11:55 pm**

_oh, that's what i did. except i kissed the wrong guy._

a sudden reminder of kissing lee heeseung makes sunoo feel like crying at his misfortune.

he is not sure he wants to know how people would react if they find out what happened.

to think that every bet they made would now be invalid because he kissed lee heeseung, sunoo is surely going to get beaten up. he prays they don't ruin his face. anything but his beautiful face.

the thought of his face getting bruised sends him wincing.

as weird as it seems, paranoia strikes sunoo. his eyes widen as they moved across the room for signs of someone. seon from school might jump out of his closet and strangle him for stealing his chance of being the it boy.

he shakes his head, the motion making him slightly lightheaded. his stomach tightens to a knot and he feels like choking.

_they cannot know. they cannot know. they cannot know._

with a heavy sigh, sunoo continues to scroll through jungwon's messages.

_**january 1, 2020** _

  
**'ni-ki kissed me! oh my god!'**   
**Seen**   
**12:03 am**

_oh good for you._

**'hyung, i swear if you don't show up, i'm calling your sister and tell her you're the one who broke her hairblower.'**   
**Seen**   
**12:07 am**

sunoo's eyes widen at the last message.

**'i'm coming over in the afternoon. probably 1 or 2. you better explain or else 🙂'**   
**Seen**   
**10:30 am**

that emoji always scares sunoo and even more when jungwon uses it. he just hopes his bestfriend takes pity on him and lowers down the scolding by a notch.

he looks at the clock. it read '1:30 pm'.

"what time did i even sleep?"  
he can't remember anything after he got sick and threw up in front of hee--

 _gosh_ , he can't even think of the guy without the want to cry in sorrow.

it was just park sunghoon before but turns out, sunoo also has to avoid lee heeseung.

but that wouldn't really be a problem for him. they never really talk. what he just has to really worry about is people finding out he kissed heeseung. also, he can't let people know, especially jay and sunghoon, that he tried to kiss the latter thus resulting in his mistake.

 _what a great way to start the year._  
he laughs ironically. january 1 and he's already carrying a lifetime burden.

just then, his mom barges in, startling him.  
"sunoo-ah, are you awake?"

he clears his throat of its dryness before speaking.  
"uh... i guess, mom."

she nods in understanding before a bright expression covers her face. people say he got his bubbly aura from his mom and from what he sees now in her eye smile, they're probably right.

"good because jungwon is now here with a rather charming young man."

"what?!"  
the sudden rise of his tone causes his mom to raise an eyebrow.

she fixes him with a stern look, immediately making him shut up.  
aside from his bubbly side, sunoo also got that cold look in his eyes from her.

"get up now. wouldn't want jungwon and the young man waiting."

she turns to leave but sunoo calls out for her in panic.  
"mom! what's his name?"

 _please don't be heeseung or sunghoon. anyone but them._  
was sunoo's mantra as he watches his mom with nervous anticipation.

"i don't know. but he does have a pretty nose."

"a pretty nose?! how would that help me figure out who he is?!" he can't help but whisper-shout, flailing his arms wildly. the suspense is killing him.

his mother's eyes narrow once more before she shrugs.  
"you'd found out if you went out already. see you downstairs."  
and before another word is said, she shut the door close.

a frustrated shout escapes sunoo and he resists jumping on his bed repeatedly to vent out the stress.

taking deep breaths, he tries to assure himself. to relax.

 _everything is fine, sunoo._ _be positive. you've always have been._

a deep intake of breath.

_it's not the end of the world._

another intake.

_besides, it might be ni-ki. jungwon always says ni-ki has a pretty nose._

_but jungwon always says everything about ni-ki is pretty._

_ugh. stop._ _don't be negative._

one last one.

"fighting!"  
he clenches his fists, preparing himself to what could be alike to a battle.

after he had freshened up and fixed his bed, sunoo's hand hovers above the doorknob hesitantly.

once more whispering a word of encouragement to himself, sunoo grabs every ounce of courage in his body and pulls the door open.

walking down the stairs is hard. his knees keep wobbling and it is not helping that the foot of the staircase is across the living room. he can hear light chattering as he neared down the first floor. the sounds make him agitated. his cool is slowly and surely dissipating and sunoo's afraid he's going to completely lose his composure once he faces mr. pretty nose.

"hyung!" jungwon is the first to notice and approach him, rising from the couch.

"jungwon, you got a haircut." sunoo realizes, seeing that jungwon's hair is shorter.

the younger guy grins, reaching a hand out to touch his fringe that he didn't have yesterday.  
"new year, new haircut."

sunoo's smile matches his and he's almost sure he has successfully dodged his impending doom until jungwon pinches both of his cheeks.

he exclaims in both pain and surprise at the action.  
"hey! stop it." despite that, sunoo can't help but giggle. jungwon may look like he's angry but he is definitely far from it.

"you made me worry, stupid!"

"sorry." summary of his life.

jungwon's face softens but there is still a tone to his voice.  
"you have to tell me everything, kim sunoo-hyung!"

he nods unbeknownst to himself and jungwon grabs hold of his hand, pulling him towards the couch.

only then and there does sunoo see that jungwon is alone. his mom's probably in the kitchen. his dad's taking an afternoon nap. his sister's at her dorm. but where's 'young man with a pretty nose'?

"hey, i forgot to tell you. i came here with..."

sunoo tunes out jungwon's voice when he hears a soft, unfamiliar one come from the kitchen, just a wall far from the living room.

"mrs. kim, thank you for letting me use the bathroom."  
says the voice which clearly belongs to a male.

"oh it's fine!"  
since when did his mom sound overboard chirpy?

the person laughs softly and sunoo's heartbeat increases when he senses him coming to the living room.

_oh crap._   
_please let me see nishimura riki, jungwon's crush, and be reminded of how single i am. please!_

"he says he has something to return to you." sunoo hears jungwon say when he sat down, catching his attention.

"return me what?"

he hears a halt in step behind him. "sunoo-ssi. hi."

sunoo turns his head towards the direction so fast he almost got whiplash.

sunoo's had his fair share of strange things happening in the past 16 years of his existence.

there was that one time last year, in the middle of the first semester.   
rumors of a ghost lingering around the school grounds every lunch break spread like a virus. sunoo swore he 'saw' one when he was picking something up from the library for jungwon.

he deemed it the strangest thing to ever happen in his life.

he disagrees now because he can encounter a lot of ghosts and nothing can ever spook him more than seeing lee heeseung standing inside his house, a kind smile on his face as opposed to that blank expression he wore over 12 hours ago.

"did anyone see you here?" sunoo blurts out the first thing that came to mind.

"not that i'm aware of."

a sigh of relief escapes sunoo. he really can't take it if people find out.

jungwon snickers behind him, causing sunoo and heeseung to look at him. sunoo's eyes widen and his heart pounds once he realizes jungwon is still there.

"sorry. ni-ki texted." explains the younger, a faint blush coating his cheeks. sunoo stops another sigh escaping him.

instead, he opens his mouth to speak to heeseung and he realizes this is the first proper conversation they're having not counting the last 2 years, when he asked about the restroom.  
"w-why are--- are you uhh... here?"  
 _great_. he lost the ability to talk.

heeseung's face lights up in recollection.  
"i actually have something of yours. you left it on last night's party." he materializes something out of his backpack.

_why is he carrying a backpack?_

"here." he hands him over a familiar looking pouch, something sunoo makes sure is always on him.

sunoo brightens up upon seeing it then a frown graces his face. he never realized he lost it.  
"thanks but why do you have this?"

"uh, it fell when i carried you to the couch because i found you passed out at the terrace."

 _you're lying._  
sunoo almost says. he's glad heeseung has the decency to not tell anyone what happened. maybe, he really is as nice as they say he is.

"heeseung-ssi, you didn't have to go all the way here though."

"well, i wanted to make sure you were okay."

sunoo is torn between being suspicious of and flustered at his words.

he doesn't say anything and an awkward tension envelops them. heeseung shifts his weight on his feet alternately, further thickening the uncomfortable silence.

he knows it would be rude to do but sunoo just wants to ask him to leave. his worrying gets worse when the physical evidence of his problems is in front of him.

"why aren't you two sitting down? the couch is spacious." interjects sunoo's mom as she enters, a tray of sweet snacks and juice boxes on her hand.

heeseung moves to help her, taking the tray out of her hands. sunoo purses his lips.  
"let me help you with that, mrs. kim."

sunoo's mother flushes with gratitude.  
"thank you."

sunoo never knew how weird it is to see his mom and lee heeseung interacting. he's never expected it. not even a thought came to mind before about this kind of situation.

"thank you, mrs. kim. i just need to take this call outside." jungwon suddenly announces, standing up. judging from the giddy expression on his face, it's probably ni-ki calling.

_honeymoon phases are really..._

before sunoo can scold him for being too sappy, jungwon's left the house.

"i'll just be doing the laundry. you two be comfortable, okay?"  
a quick sly look crosses his mom's face.

sunoo fights back a horrified gasp. his mom did not just want to set him up with lee heeseung!

"thank you, mrs. kim." smiles heeseung, expression polite.

"mo---" sunoo tries to protest but his mom is gone by a snap, ignoring him.

it's just him and heeseung now. sitting on opposite sides of the couch.

 _oh my god._ _oh my god._ _oh my god._  
 _oh my god_. _oh my god_. _oh my god_.  
 _what the fu---_

"let's get this straight, sunoo-ssi." his thoughts get interrupted when he sees heeseung grab the chocolate milk juice box but what really took sunoo's attention is the change in tone of heeseung's voice. it is still soft and calm yet there was a strange seriousness to it. kinda like a teacher's voice when they're trying to say in the kindest way that you screwed up.

"what?" he doesn't meet heeseung's eyes.

the older continues.  
"i really did not come here just to return your pouch."

"you stole it from me." states sunoo, knowing that his pouch is always on him securely.

a small smirk tugs on heeseung's lips.  
"well, i needed an excuse to go to you."

sunoo gulps, his breath quickening.  
"why?"

"you kissed me, kim sunoo-ssi. against my wishes. i'm assuming you know the fact that i don't want to be so people started making bets just to make it happen."  
heeseung wore a blank, unreadable expression again but a flicker of anger passes his face.

splutters of words come out of sunoo.  
"but that was an accident. i was drunk! i wasn't planning to kiss you at all."

"good point but you still did."

heeseung lets out a small chuckle.  
"in a way, that's good. people will not be on my neck every day, coming up with bizarre ways to kiss me."

sunoo's heart clenches in panic.  
"you're not going to tell anyone, right?"

heeseung only shrugs.  
"like i said, when people find out you already kissed me, they'd at least tone things down."

sunoo gasps in disbelief.

"don't take this the wrong way, sunoo-ssi. i've tried to be indifferent to this thing a lot of times but i've had enough."

heeseung takes a sip from the juice box as he says so. his eyes widen the slightest and there is a childish joy in them. before sunoo can comment on it, it's gone.

he continues to speak, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.  
"i decided to make a bet of my own and take advantage of this crap.  
you have to do something for me."

"why?"

"so i won't tell."

sunoo is thankful for his brain and the snarky confidence it gave him at the moment.  
"why would anyone believe you, though? you have no proof, heeseung-ssi. people would only think you said that to get them to stop."

he can't help but scold himself mentally for stressing over this awhile ago.

heeseung looks at him like he's crazy.  
"don't you realize that you did something to me without my permission, kim sunoo? and if that didn't happen, you'd still be guilty because you would have kissed sunghoon."

sunoo feels like someone punched him in the gut then ran him over with a car.

"i don't know what you're talking about." he stammers, trying to stop himself from getting up and locking himself in his room.

heeseung purses his lips.  
"don't even bother lying. i tried to stop you from kissing him last night. unfortunately, i'm the one you ended up kissing."

"you wouldn't tell him about that, rignt? i- i mean, he's in a relationship." sunoo hates that he's grasping at straws because deep down, he feels like there's nothing he can do to escape heeseung.

"my thoughts exactly. he is, _no, was_ in a relationship last night."

" _was_? you mean..."

"yep. but that isn't the point. the point is _you_ kissed me without permission so in return, you have to help me or i would have to expose you in the most plausible way. end of story." heeseung presses with a look of finality but sunoo can only focus on one thing.

_they broke up?_

sunoo hates himself for being just a tad bit relieved and happy.

_sunghoon is..._

a snap from heeseung brings him back from his thoughts.  
"hey!"

sunoo blinks before clearing his throat and fixing his composure.  
"so you're blackmailing me to help you do whatever you're planning?"

heeseung nods, the motion making his blue beanie almost fall off. sunoo thinks it looks like the one he wore that day at the mall.

"and to clear your conscience, i suppose." sunoo bites his lip guiltily.

 _right._ he kissed someone without permission and all he had thought of is how to save himself from the trouble it brought without even thinking of apologizing.

_such a dick move, sunoo._

he's too guilty to even say the word 'sorry'.

"hey, you okay?"

the sudden concern has sunoo looking up from his hand to the guy on the other side of the couch.

he puts on an unbothered expression.  
"yeah. so what exactly are blackmailing me to do?"

_might as well do this as an official apology if i'm not saying it to his face._

"i am accounting you for your mistak--- _hey_ , this thing is really delicious. what do you call it?" heeseung exclaims, stabbing the food with a fork to inspect it.

a smile comes to sunoo's face.  
"hotteok. it's actually popular. you've never tried it before?"

heeseung nods in acknowledgment but ignores his question, looking at the hotteok with wonder.  
"i like this one." he declares, lips stretching to a grin.

when his eyes meet sunoo's expectant ones, the glee in his face fades away. he's serious once more.

he mumbles something sunoo can't quite hear properly.

"pardon?"

"help me do my bucket list."

sunoo almost chokes on the strawberry milk he's drinking.

"you must be joking."

"uh... no. i am not joking, sunoo-ssi." heeseung sounds so intimidating but the faint red on his cheeks says otherwise.

sunoo can only blink as he tries to process what lee heeseung is asking him help for.

a bucket list.

there seems no escape from this and just like heeseung said, this was his mistake so he has to make up for it.

_how bad can it be anyway? i'm only going to help him do his bucket list._

having decided, he faces the older with a long sigh.  
"deal."

"uh... it's not like you have a choice but okay."


	5. Chapter 5

january 6, 2020

first day after break. sunoo thinks he's handling it much better than he thought. he's surprised he's not tripping over himself, trying to look in every direction for signs of anyone jumping on him.

 _relax. heeseung-ssi won't tell._  
he assures himself as he enters the school hallway.

so far, the only things he knows about their supposed plan is that they'll do one in the bucket list every thursday. heeseung didn't tell sunoo how many were in there.

his only response to sunoo's question when their arrangement will end is  
'i'll let you know.'

sunoo doesn't like the suspense. he doesn't like how he's in the dark about it but he promised he'll endure. for his conscience and the morals he seem to have lost since the new year's eve party.

he also isn't still comfortable at the fact that he will be spending time, like a lot of time, with someone he's barely spoken to ever. the fact that it is the school's golden boy makes the idea of it both thrilling and worrying.

isn't it weird that him spending time with heeseung to pay for the trouble he caused would increase chances of him getting in trouble again?

if people see him and heeseung together...

"sunoo-hyung!" hearing his name being called, sunoo looks back towards the source of the voice. jungwon runs towards him with his signature bunny smile, dimples showing and all.

sunoo laughs in joy, tackling the younger boy in a hug.  
"jungwon-ah!"

"we're acting like we didn't just see each other 5 days ago." mumbles jungwon in his arms, giggling like a child.

"whatever. that is a lot of time." counters sunoo, releasing jungwon from the hug.

jungwon shakes his head fondly, falling into step with sunoo as they walk towards their lockers.  
"you know. i never got to ask you about lee heeseung coming over on the 1st. he left already when i came back from phoning ni-ki. all we talked about then was you getting drunk and almost kissing sunghoon if you didn't trip and fall on your face, passing out."

sunoo almost halts in thought but not before he punched jungwon's shoulder.

one of heeseung's conditions in their deal is that no one should know about it happening. even his bestfriend. just like what they do in the movies.

"nothing special. we actually didn't talk much. he kept eating the hotteok." sunoo fakes, scrunching his nose in displeasure.  
"mom even packed a lot for him to take home. you should have seen how he stared at it like you do with ni-ki." he can't resist adding some of the truth, chuckling.

jungwon hums in response.  
"and what exactly do you mean with the way i look at ni-ki?"  
he may look indifferent but sunoo bets he's screaming inside.

"are you two together now?" teases sunoo, wiggling his eyebrows at the younger.

jungwon hisses in defense, reminding sunoo of a bunny.  
"yeah. i got a boyfriend now, sunoo-hyung."  
there was a proud and slightly mocking tone to his voice that sunoo can't help but pout at.

"hey, stop bragging!"

"why don't you just make a move on him already? he's single now."

sunoo wonders how jungwon can sometimes be so bold and insensitive.  
 _the guy is recently broken up!_

it also just seems so weird for him to now have a chance. yes, that opportunity came from something bad, the break up, but sunoo tends to want to focus on the positive end of things even though he doesn't get to do that all the time.

sunghoon never really showed any kind of interest towards him but maybe this time, he'll like him too.

instead of answering jungwon, sunoo chooses to ask.  
"what do you think happened between him and park jay? they looked happy together."  
if there was one person to witness and confirm that, it is sunoo.

"now don't go hurting yourself, hyung. they're over." there is a mix of jest and worry in jungwon's voice as he bumps sunoo slightly.

the older shakes his head in denial.  
"i'm not. it's just..." he pauses, flashes of _that_ night appearing in his head.  
"... i wanna know."

jungwon presses his lips together, frowning in thought.  
"don't know, hyung. the only information that got out is they broke up some hours after the party. jay called it quits."

it all just happened too fast for sunoo. jay and sunghoon were both fine when they arrived at the party.

then they broke up. just like that.

_why?_

those two really looked like they genuinely liked each other. it just seems impossible for them to break up that fast.

sunoo freezes when a thought comes to his mind.

_they can't have known i tried to kiss sunghoon-hyung, right? and if they did... it doesn't really matter._

_**beep** _ _**!** _

his attention is grabbed by his phone.  
when he opened it, a message greets him.

**'good morning. just a reminder to meet me at the park near the school on thursday, 4:30 pm. see you 🤗**   
**\- lee heeseung'**   
**Seen**   
**7:17 am**

_why does golden boy lee heeseung message like a mom?_ it didn't cross sunoo's mind he can be uncool.

_also, why is he reminding me 3 days away?_

**'i wouldn't want you forgetting. it will cost both of us, mainly you, a lot of trouble.**   
**\- lee heeseung'**   
**Seen**   
**7:17 am**

_now, he's texting like a stalker and a serial killer. great._

"who is that?"  
jungwon makes an attempt to take a peek but sunoo is quick to turn off his phone and put it back in his pocket.

"nothing. my mom sent some encouraging quotes she found on the internet."

a cute laugh erupts from jungwon.

"sunoo." the two bestfriends find their way blocked by a certain person sunoo didn't expect would be talking to him again. the person himself looks surprised.

sunoo feels like his heart just leaped to his throat because he's opened his mouth yet he can't find words to say.

"hey, s-sunghoon-hyung."  
he manages to stammer out, tongue tied.

park sunghoon looks like the epitome of a bad break up. his eyes are dull, there are bags under his eyes and his hair is disheveled and not in a good way. one could also see his skin is paler than usual. despite that, sunoo thinks he's still handsome.

their eyes meet and he remembers that thing he read on the internet about how staring into someone's eyes can make you fall in love. he wishes it was true.

 _eww._ why does park sunghoon make him think such sappy things?

the bell makes their eye contact break, destroying the trance sunoo found himself in in sunghoon's gaze.

"we better go, hyung. our teacher doesn't accept true love as an excuse to be late." whispers jungwon, failing to repress a snicker at the burning of the older's cheeks.

sunghoon laughs awkwardly, eyes shifting.  
"i'll see you later."

"yeah. see you."  
10 points to sunoo for not blabbering.

once sunghoon was gone, sunoo releases a giddy squeal under his breath. if he could jump in joy without looking like an idiot, he would.

jungwon grabs his arm. sunoo was thankful for that because he can't move without shaking in happiness.  
"come on, kim sunoo. true love can wait. our class, on the other hand, cannot or we'll get a tardy."

since it was their first day after break, the teachers didn't start on the lesson today. instead, the day was spent sharing and talking about what they did during the break.

for sunoo, the chipped wall just above the blackboard pretty much got all his undivided attention for 4 hours until lunch break. he just can't seem to absorb whatever the teacher or his classmates say.

even if heeseung promised he wouldn't tell, there is still an undeniable doubt planted in his mind. people find ways for almost everything. there's no telling what could happen.

and aside from the constant worry he's going to have to get used to, sunoo's mind is plagued by park sunghoon. that's not really a new thing.

sunghoon looks so awful and miserable. he was like a living zombie.

park jay doesn't look any better than him. it wasn't even half of the day but the guy's already got himself two weeks worth of detention by punching someone in the face for the sole reason of being accidentally bumped.

sunoo heard that he's always had a bad temper and the only time he hasn't caused violence was when he and sunghoon were together. that's also probably one of the reasons sunoo is so afraid to get in the way before, apart from knowing that stealing someone's boyfriend is bad, but he won't say that out loud.

how ironic it is for heeseung and jay to be bestfriends. one's the perfect boy next door and the other, a tempestuous bad boy.

he wonders why jay acts like that when he's the one who ended their relationship.

he's so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't even notice it is already lunch break.

"can ni-ki join us, hyung?" jungwon asks excitedly, fiddling with his hands. the two of them are now on the way to the cafeteria.

sunoo exclaims in protest.  
"so i'll be the thirdwheel? no way."

he can hear the pout in jungwon's voice.  
"sunoo-hyung~ please." he tugs at sunoo's blazer, irritating the older.

"stop it. it won't work~" sing-songs sunoo, grinning as jungwon huffs.

then, a meaningful smirk comes to his face, eyes on something behind sunoo.  
"you can just invite sunghoon-hyung with us so you won't be lonely."

"invite me where?"

speaking of the devil.

why must he always freeze whenever sunghoon's near? the guy makes him forget how to act like a normal human being.

"sunghoon-hyung? what..." sunoo nervously chuckles.   
"... what are you doing here again?"

sunghoon shrugs, an attractive movement for sunoo.  
"i said i'll see you around, didn't i?"

_why are you so effortlessly cool?!_

before he melts to a puddle, sunoo turns away from him as they resumed walking towards the cafeteria. sunghoon walks with them, hands in his pockets.

"what i meant is why are you talking to us? don't you have your own friends?"

"heeseung-hyung has basketball practice. jake is absent. ej is with his girlfriend and well, i don't have any other friends to hang out with." explains sunghoon, running a hand through his hair.

sunoo knows if they haven't broke up, he would be with jay. it hurts him that hanging out with him is only possible when jay and sunghoon aren't together. but what did he expect?

and _friends?_ since when were they exactly that?

he shakes off the negative thoughts.  
he will think of this as an opportunity to spend time with his crush.  
plastering a small smile, sunoo looks towards sunghoon.  
"would you like to eat lunch with us?"

sunghoon returns the smile, nodding.

"great! i'll just fetch ni-ki from his class. see you and save us seats." jungwon recites in one breath. then, he's gone with a flash.

sunoo tries to call out to him but he doesn't want to look like he doesn't like sunghoon's company. in fact, it's the exact opposite.

never did he imagine he would eat lunch with his crush. maybe the new year is not going to be bad after all.

despite being delighted by his presence, sunoo feels awkward walking with sunghoon towards the cafeteria. it's the kind of awkward where you're afraid to say or do anything because you want to appear cool to your crush.

"how was your holiday, sunoo?" he almost jumps when sunghoon speaks. luckily, he doesn't.

sunoo struggles to think of what to say.  
"good! i got a lot of presents and i had a great time on the new year's eve party." he manages to answer without tripping over his words like he usually does with sunghoon.

"what about you, hyung?" he dares himself to look at sunghoon and almost regrets it because of how starstruck he got at the older.

"it was great. i spent almost everyday of my break with j--- you know, just lounging inside the house and going out to sight see. then, there is the annual new year's party too. it was, it was nice." sunghoon shares, a small smile on his face.

the conversation stops there. sunoo decides to walk a little faster, doing it as subtly as he can.

he almost releases a breath of relief when the cafeteria comes within his view.

upon entering, sunoo immediately looks towards sunghoon.  
"i'll order, hyung. you can find us some seats."

the pale boy nods before pointing at something.  
"is that an okay spot?"

sunoo follows his gaze to an empty table.  
"yeah. sure. i'll go order now."  
he is about to fall in line when sunghoon stops him.  
"i'll order, sunoo. you can sit."

"umm... sure." he hesitantly complies, frowning.

sunghoon sends him a smile that sends his face burning before walking away.

sunoo quickly gathers himself together as he heads for the empty table before anyone can claim it.

with a sigh, he plops down one of the seats, putting his bag on the other.  
his eyes scan for sunghoon and spots him almost near his turn. smiling at how he looks so good just standing there, sunoo decides to look for any signs of jungwon and ni-ki.

in the process, he sees something or rather, someone situated on a table just a few tables away from them.

it is park jay. eating. alone.

_oh._


	6. Chapter 6

january 9, 2020

"kim sunoo-ssi, you're late." is the first thing heeseung says to him the moment he got there. not a 'hello' or even an 'are you okay?'.

sunoo pants, putting his hands on his knees.  
"by three minutes!"

he 'unintentionally' lost track of time. _wait_ , that's a lie. sunoo didn't really want to go so he tried to occupy himself with extra reading at the library. the only reason he's here is because his conscience itched him to so even if it is late, he still went.

there are no buses in that hour so sunoo had to run all the way from school to the park. that run is probably the most exercise he ever did since he was born.

heeseung clicks his tongue in displeasure.  
"still late. you shouldn't take time lightly, sunoo-ssi."

sunoo shakes his head in annoyance. if only heeseung knew he forced himself to go here.  
"i apologize, okay? so... what are we doing today in your _bucket_ _list_?"

heeseung's cheeks turn red a bit at the teasing tone in his voice.  
"don't patronize me, sunoo-ssi."

the younger raises his hands in surrender, keeping a poker face on. inside though, he's snickering.

 _lee_ _heeseung_ _having_ _a_ _bucket_ _list?_ _ha_.

heeseung narrows his eyes at him for a bit until he looks down at the ground.  
"you and i are going to take a stroll in the park."

"that's it? no cliff diving or whatever?"

"well, not yet." he could see how heeseung's lips tug to a smirk. sunoo finds himself rolling his eyes at him.

he waits for the older to stop fooling around and tell the truth but heeseung says nothing.  
sunoo doesn't believe it.  
"you can't be serious. taking a walk in the park isn't bucket list material!"

"are you a bucket list expert?" heeseung shoots back, raising a challenging eyebrow as he lifts his head. sighing, heeseung fixes his familiar blue beanie in a way that his black hair isn't visible as he puffs out a cold breath.

"not everyone has the time to stroll around the park. like me." he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

sarcasm has always been sunoo's weapon aside from his cold eyes and lee heeseung is no exception to the sharpness of his tongue.  
"why? because you're busy being the perfect guy everyone seems to like you for?"

a merry laugh escapes heeseung, throwing his head back.  
"yeah. you could say that, sunoo-ssi. now..." he fixes sunoo with a playful glare.

sunoo forgot they're almost strangers by the way he acts so naturally with him.

"since you're late, you're the one paying for ice cream."

_okay. let's get this over with._

"fine. let's go, heeseung-ssi."

erase what he said earlier. this walk is probably the most awkward one in sunoo's life. heck, talking with sunghoon is better than this.

every time he gains energy and confidence to strike up a conversation, heeseung always ends it with short one-word lines. the guy is so engrossed in their surroundings sunoo guesses he forgot he's even there. what even his purpose for all this?

he questions what could even get heeseung's attention in this park. it's all just trees and they seem to be the only people here. it would have been nicer if they went to an amusement park instead. then, he'd be able to enjoy too.

"sunoo-ssi?"

sunoo whips his head towards heeseung, humming in response.

the older purses his lips.  
"where is the nearest ice cream parlor here?" he muses.

"there's one two streets away."

"do people go there often? i don't want anyone to see us."

"scared you'd be seen with me?" it could seem like he's joking but sunoo really wonders if that is the truth.

heeseung scoffs, air escaping out of his mouth.  
" _you_ should be scared. i could act like we're together and you'd be doomed. i heard someone bet half a million won for me." an air of arrogance surrounds heeseung as he puffs his chest.

blood rises to sunoo cheeks.  
"so what? that doesn't mean we kissed!"

"oh but we did, sunoo. we did."  
how does lee heeseung end up being called a goody two shoes at school when he's such an insufferable jerk?

not being able to form any witty retort, sunoo resorts to the silent treatment, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

from the corner of his eye, he sees an amused smile on heeseung's face as he chuckles softly.  
"you're so easy to tease."

sunoo's never one to tolerate teasing so he chooses to change the topic.  
"can we just go?"

"alright. lead the way."

chamber dream is probably the most visually pleasing ice cream parlor sunoo has ever seen. it is small and cozy with two floors. the seats provided are all in black, the texture of the paint shiny and smooth. the tables are made with mahogany, carved on the sides with little shapes. lamps hung over each table. but the highlight of it all for sunoo are the walls and ceiling. as reference to its name, the night sky was painted on the walls with hues of pink and purple. stars were sprinkled on the canvas with a falling effect.

sunoo's thumb rubs over his phone and his eyes shift around the people there. if the place had not been so crowded, he would have taken a bunch of pictures already and maybe show them to jungwon later.

he blows on his hands, warming them. since it is already january, the weather has gotten so cold, sunoo has to force himself to get out of bed and take a shower despite the need to stay under the covers.  
"are we seriously getting ice cream in the middle of this weather?"

"bucket list." was simply heeseung's answer.

sunoo just sighs in resignation.

"what flavor are you getting, sunoo-ssi?" heeseung's breath tickles him on the back of his neck, snapping him out of his thoughts. sunoo moves away from him to create distance, discomfort in his stiff posture.

he clears his throat. he doesn't see his face but he's hoping his action doesn't come off as offensive to the older.  
"mint chocolate. you?"

"uh..."

at the hint of uncertainty in heeseung's voice, sunoo turns his head to face him.

there again is that unknowing, almost childish look on heeseung's face while he bites his lip, eyes up on the menu.  
sunoo stares at him, trying to comprehend how someone is so confused over ice cream.

heeseung becomes conscious of his gaze because his eyes drift down to meet sunoo's. the moment he did so, that look on his face is gone, masked by a smirk.  
"i guess mint choco is fine. it's a crowd favorite." he decides, bouncing lightly on his feet. in excitement or anxiety, sunoo isn't sure.

"i'm starting to think you're weird, heeseung-ssi. you act like it is your first time eating ice cream."

putting taking a stroll in the park on his bucket list?

having a bucket list?

picking ice cream flavors like he is solving a math equation?

thinking mint choco is everyone's favorite when people debate on it everyday?

heeseung shrugs.  
"well to be fair, i had a strict diet when i was a child. i was homeschooled in half of my elementary years. to add, i have an obsession with ramyeon so that's basically what i eat everyday."

"uh-huh. that's unhealthy." sunoo wrinkles his nose in displeasure.

heeseung just grins, his white teeth showing.

"hello. what can i get you two?" drawls the cashier, nicholas as it says so on his name tag.

sunoo takes the initiative to order for the two of them.  
"two mint choco ice cream, please."  
he resists the urge to roll his eyes at the excited shaking of heeseung beside him. he swears this guy is either childish or a bully. it doesn't matter because, as of now, both sides annoy sunoo.

"cup or cone?"  
the chillness in his tone is what probably got this boy this job.

"cup."

"cone, please."

sunoo groans the same time heeseung feigns an awkward laugh.

"one cup and one cone, then."  
nicholas nods his head, grabbing the scooper.

heeseung at least has the decency to not press his face against the glass as he watches nicholas scoop out the mint choco ice cream out of the almost full container. sunoo is pretty sure he wants to.

he wonders if people know just how big of a kid lee heeseung is.

"here you go."  
sunoo represses a snicker as he sees heeseung grab the cup with twinkling eyes.

the two of them move to find a seat. sunoo's eyes survey the area for empty spaces but there seems to be none. the parlor is surprisingly crowded despite the weather being cold. he can see though that not everyone is eating ice cream and are just drinking coffee they also offer.

"let's check the second---" he trails off once he sees the pained look on the older's face.

heeseung's forehead creases and his hand reaches up to rub his head. when he notices sunoo's eyes on him, the pain in his face disappears.  
"what?"

"are you okay?"

"yeah. i'm--- ugh! what the heck?" heeseung groans as he cradles his head in one hand, the other holding the cup of ice cream.

"my head hurts!"

sunoo looks weirdly at heeseung as the older aggressively grabs his head.  
"what is the ice cream doing to me, kim sunoo?"

people start to look at the two. heeseung looks like he wants to call 119.

"it's just a brain freeze." there is a mix of a laugh in sunoo's voice. he can't help it. it's not everyday you witness someone panicking over a brain freeze.

he leans forward to check the older but heeseung continues to whine about his brain freeze, shutting his eyes. sunoo notices people keep giving them confused and worried glances.

"sorry he has sensitive... teeth..?"

there's no excuse that sunoo could think other than that because they might ruin heeseung's reputation and he doesn't want to make his debt to heeseung bigger than it already is.

"heeseung-ssi, it is just a brain freeze. it's normal when you eat something cold." try as he might, sunoo can't seem to convince heeseung who frowns in confusion.

"why?"

"it just does!"

silence covers the atmosphere as the two stare at each other.

"it's in sci... ence."

sunoo hesitantly says like he's talking to a child and looks at heeseung. the older stares back at him while slowly opening his mouth as he welcomes another spoonful of ice cream. his face then contorts in pain again as he winces.

_is this really the same guy who boys and girls fawn over at school?_

"are you sure you're a senior?" sunoo asks rhetorically, rolling his eyes as he eats his own ice cream.

there is no response in heeseung's part. he's too engrossed in eating the mint choco ice cream.

"it's not bad." sunoo hears him say in realization.

he chooses to ignore the older and without telling, goes up the second floor.

"hey! kim sunoo!"

the second floor is less spacious than the first and it seems cozier. instead of chairs, it is occupied with mostly couches.

he shivers at the sudden cold because of the less space occupied.

sunoo's eyes scan the room and they lit up when he finally spots a table by the corner, near the window.

before anyone can claim it, sunoo approaches the table and sits.

a few seconds later, heeseung appears from the stairs, irritated from the looks of it.

without a word, he slumps down the chair across sunoo.

right then and there, the atmosphere shifts and sunoo is reminded of what really is going on. he's sitting here with someone he considers a stranger, doing something friends do.

it seems like an invisible rule has been set to look anywhere but each other. sunoo settles on looking out the window as he tries to relax and eat comfortably. his plan isn't working because he keeps seeing heeseung's reflection on the glass.

just when the atmosphere is getting more awkward, heeseung suddenly pushes something closer on the table, towards sunoo's direction.

"i forgot. here. you're welcome."

sunoo's gaze falls on the ripped piece of paper before him.  
"what is that?"

"sunghoon's number. maybe that will inspire you." came the older's explanation.

"what?" sunoo blinks.

"you like him, right?" heeseung says like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"yes but how do you know i like him?"

is sunoo transparent when it comes to his feelings for sunghoon?

"well, you had this slightly weird look on your face when i carried you to the couch at the party. you keep repeating his name in your sleep. i wouldn't take you for a creep so i guess you like him." heeseung grins, amused as he reminisces. he doesn't notice how red sunoo in the face got with every word he said.

flushed, sunoo waves his hand to ward off the topic.  
"okay. i get it."

pressing his lips to a thin line, sunoo stares at the paper, contemplating on whether to get it or not.

heeseung seems to notice.  
"don't you want it?"

the fact that he seems eager to help about getting sunghoon is very unsettling to sunoo. heeseung is helping someone get his bestfriend's ex-boyfriend.

"aren't you suppose to like, help jay-ssi get sunghoon-hyung back?"

"why bother? jay ended it himself. he may be my bestfriend but i won't tolerate him breaking sunghoon's heart." there was an icy edge to heeseung's tone. sunoo's taken aback by it.

he pushes himself to reply.  
"what about sunghoon-hyung? he probably still likes jay, right?" his stomach churns at his own words.

"you're such a masochist." heeseung remarks.

sunoo's jaw clenches. "no, i'm being realistic."

heeseung sighs, putting down the spoonful of ice cream he was supposed to eat.  
"jay... doesn't want sunghoon back, okay? it is better for sunghoon to move on."

"and you think it will be with me?" sunoo's confusion rises when heeseung nods.

"why?"

"you seem like a decent guy, sunoo-ssi. and you like sunghoon."

taking offense, a deep frown settles on sunoo's face.  
"that is not your business at all. me liking sunghoon isn't a way for you to make him move on. and why do you have a say on sunghoon-hyung moving on?"  
he can't believe this guy he barely knows is making decisions to use his feelings to get his own way.

 _what an opportunist._ it is not even his life. sunoo has a hard time fathoming that this is the same guy he hears being praised by people left and right for being kind and helpful all the time.

heeseung is caught off guard by his sudden outburst. his big eyes have widened more, surprise mirroring in them.  
"i only wanted to help both you and sunghoon."

sunoo glares at him, his gaze so cold it rivals the ice cream he's eating.  
"you seem to have good intentions, heeseung-ssi but that doesn't mean you can take matters to your own hands."

the older opens his mouth to speak yet no words come out. he looks like a fish out of water. but sunoo can see the guilt and apology in his expression.

"i'm sorry. i only wanted to help."

"i do like him but,"  
sunoo picks up the paper and without blinking an eye, rips it to pieces.

heeseung stares at him, mouth agape.

he scoops the pieces of paper and puts them on the side as he offers a tight smile.

"if i'm getting sunghoon-hyung, i will do it myself. with no one helping me."


	7. Chapter 7

january 15, 2020

it is currently 2 pm. the weather is still kinda chilly especially in the afternoons that's why sunoo's wrapped in a wool blanket he brought as he sat on the bleachers in the school's covered court.

jungwon insisted they spend their free period here instead of their usual spot in the library during cold weather. his reason? it's because ni-ki is one of the cheerleaders.

"why are we doing this _now_?" he frowns at his dongsaeng whose eyes are glued on ni-ki doing his stretches.

jungwon spares him a glance before he looks down where his boyfriend is.  
"it would be creepy if i did this when we weren't together yet, wouldn't it?"

"really? is this," sunoo gestures towards the area lazily, "boyfriend requirement?"  
it's not like he is against his bestfriend showing support for his boyfriend but he doesn't really find it necessary for him to be here.

"trust me, hyung. i believe you won't regret coming with me here instead of lounging and dozing off in the fiction section."  
jungwon bumps him slightly, grabbing his attention.

"what are you talking about?"

the only answer jungwon gives him is a nod of the head in the direction of the doors situated on the aisle between the two sides of bleachers.

confused, sunoo follows his gaze. his throat dries up at the sight of park sunghoon entering with his bestfriend, jake.

he immediately grabs jungwon by the arm, eyes widening like saucers.  
"how did you know he's going to be here?" jungwon chuckles as sunoo hisses at him.

"didn't you forget jake-hyung is in the art club like me? i mentioned that i willl be attending today's practice and he told me he is too with sunghoon-hyung."

"yang jungwon, you---" sunoo drawls out, cheeks burning.

jungwon interrupts him with a smile as he pats him on the shoulder.  
"thank me later, hyung."

"yah---"

"hello, jungwon! _oh,_ sunoo. hello."

sunoo turns slowly to the two as jungwon looks at him with a weird smile.

"hi, sunghoon-hyung, jake-hyung."   
sunoo greets them as sunghoon looks at him with a smile that can surely light up sunoo's day. sunoo swears that he just died and went to heaven.

"by the way, are you guys also here to watch practice?"

"yeah. my boyfriend is a cheerleader."  
sunoo hears jungwon say as he looks at sunghoon to shamelessly admire him. sunghoon doesn't notice him, his eyes focused on the court's direction.

"jake! sunghoon!"  
their names being called has the two looking at where the voice came from, jungwon and sunoo following.

down there, on the playing area is lee heeseung in his varsity uniform, their school's black and white colors proudly showing in his outfit. his hair is pushed out of his face cleanly by a black bandana.

sunoo's eyes drift to the person beside him when he hears the guy dribbling the ball loudly.

his want to shrink in embarrassment surfaces once he sees park jay in a similar outfit as heeseung. unlike heeseung who's waving at jake and sunghoon, jay is immersed in shooting. his gaze never leaves the basket as he dribbles the ball repeatedly, the action amplifying the sound as seconds pass.

he looks pissed.

"heeseung-hyung!" jake shouts back, raising his hand to wave back at heeseung enthusiastically.

sunghoon is calmer and only offers a warm smile to him.

"jake-hyung, sunghoon-hyung? where are you guys going to sit?" jungwon suddenly cuts in. sunoo's heart skips a beat.

_please don't say you're sitting here._

"can we sit with you, guys?"

and they did.

the group's attention is averted to the coach when they hear his whistle go off. the team gathers in a circle. sunoo watches as heeseung and jay nod at each other before jogging towards their coach.

few minutes later, the practice game has started. few squeals from the female students echoed inside the court as the game started with jay aggressively stealing the ball from his teammate. he dribbles the ball across the court before shooting it and scoring three points for their team.

the screams grow louder at jay's display of skills. sunoo can't help but stare in awe despite the discomfort he feels looking at the guy. totally his fault, not jay's.

sunoo notices that whenever jay manages to get the ball, he almost always passes it to heeseung and vice versa. they didn't even need words. it's like they're on a team of their own.

things seem to get even better when he ran a hand through his hair and gave heeseung a side hug as they meet. as expected, deafening cheers follow.

heeseung, sunoo has to admit, looks more attractive to the eyes when his hair is in a headband.

and his skills in basketball are no joke too. the guy never fails to impress with his agility and speed as he flies so effortlessly with the ball in his hand. he never misses. to add, he always shoots cleanly. every shot he gets is partnered with a multitude of cheers.

he looks so cool and charismatic playing.

_he definitely came out of a book._

it's hard to comprehend that this is the same guy who's so close to collapsing at the brain freeze he got from ice cream.

sunoo stifles a laugh at the memory of lee heeseung looking so innocent as he watches the ice cream guy scoop the ice cream and the utter confusion and helplessness in his eyes at the sudden aching of his head.

"what's funny, sunoo?"  
his attention moves to sunghoon who's by his left.

"uh... nothing! i had something in my throat."

sunghoon just nods before he turns back to the game. sunoo's eyes linger on him for a bit. he finds it so odd how near they are. and to think that the times they've interacted since classes started again is certainly more than his freshman year.

"break!"  
the shrill sound of the whistle fills the covered court. every player stops whatever they're doing and just like that, the practice game is over.  
immediately, the players move back to their benches to rest.

"jay and heeseung-hyung are really amazing. they never fail to amaze me. right, sunghoon?" jake says from beside sunghoon, nudging the latter.

sunoo can't resist wanting to hear what sunghoon's response would be even though it is none of his business.

"yeah. they've always been good." came sunghoon's reply as he runs a hand through his hair. his face didn't betray any emotion.

even if he stared as long as he would like, sunoo can't seem to decipher what sunghoon feels.

but seeing this as an opportunity to get to know sunghoon more, sunoo doesn't waste it.  
"hyung, what do you play?"

sunghoon frowns in thought.  
"i skate." he admits, pink coating his cheeks.

sunoo looks at him in admiration.  
"that's nice, sunghoon-hyung."

the response he gets is a bashful laugh followed by the red tint on his cheeks intensifying.  
sunghoon has always been kind of shy and reserved so it isn't really unusual for him to do that yet sunoo's heart can't help but skip a beat.

"do you skate too, sunoo?"

_beep!_

his phone's ringtone sounding has sunoo breaking his gaze away from his crush.

"sorry, hyung. wait." he smiles apologetically as he fishes his phone out of his pocket.

' **sunghoon would melt, sunoo-ssi 😙** '  
 **Seen**  
 **2:34 pm**

sunoo averts his eyes from the phone to the basketball ground. heeseung is looking at him while slightly wiggling his brows.

' **you're crazy.'**  
 **Sent**  
 **2:35 pm**

sunoo grimaces at him discreetly, making the older chuckle but heeseung quickly fixes his posture when a female student approaches him.

the girl seems to ask heeseung something. there is an uneasy feel to her stance as she inches closer to heeseung who, in turn, moves back.

"sorry but _no_."  
sunoo hears him say a little loudly and the girl heaves a sigh before running back to where she came from. sunoo's eyes follow her until she meets up with a bunch of girls. from the looks of it, they all wanted something from heeseung and they're disappointed when he refused. sunoo has a good guess what it is they wanted.

"they're at it again. seriously, when will they stop?"

heeseung has this annoyed and frustrated expression on his face.  
the fact that he deals with this everyday is probably tiring.  
to think that he would have already gotten out of this mess if he told everyone sunoo kissed him but he didn't.

heeseung seems to sense him staring because he looks up from his backpack to him.

startled, sunoo looks away.

\---

january 16, 2020

"hyung, let's hang out today." jungwon suggests as the two of them fix their things.

their final class just ended.

"sorry. i have..." sunoo bites his lip, trying to make up an excuse.  
"my mom wants me to improve in math so she hired me a tutor every thursday."

"oh. i didn't know you suck at math."

"yeah, i really suck at math."

"didn't you just answer mr. kang's question earlier?"

sunoo purses his lips at his bestfriend before shrugging his shoulder.

"good guess, i guess."

thanks to ni-ki arriving, sunoo got himself off the hook. it seems like the moment jungwon sees him, they become immersed in their own little world. it is admittedly both adorable and repulsive.

"look who's talking." he hears jungwon yell after him and he can't help but blush.

now he's on his way to where heeseung texted him to go to, a samgyupsal restaurant. the thing that ticks sunoo off is from all the restaurants, heeseung chose the one that is the farthest. it is two cities away from them.

"i swear i'm gonna be late again."  
he mutters to himself inside the bus. his feet keep tapping impatiently on the ground whenever the bus stops on a red light and traffic keeps worsening.

he looks at his watch.  
it read 4:25 pm.

sunoo's eyes light up when he spots the restaurant just after another stop light. judging from this pace, sunoo's almost a hundred percent sure he's going to be late.

if he runs though... he would still be late yet earlier than when he stays inside the bus.

"i am not running again."  
he huffs, fixing the strap of his bag.

but then... he owes heeseung a lot. the least he can do is get there on their conditioned time.

groaning internally, sunoo stands up from his seat when he sees the nearest stop.

the moment his feet touched the ground, he's already running towards the restaurant. he swears his hair is whipping past his face so much it would fall off.

_heeseung better treat me to a lot of bulgogi._

sunoo is still running when he barges inside the restaurant, the strong smell of burning meat overwhelming his nose. the smoke isn't helping with his panting since every intake of air he gets is filled with it.

"can i help you, young man?"  
a waitress approaches him with a 'salesman' smile.

before he can answer, sunoo hears his name being called.  
he removes his hand from his heaving chest as he looks for heeseung.

said guy is sitting on one of the tables at the back of the restaurant. when he sees sunoo again, his lips curl to a bright grin.

"i'm with someone. thanks." sunoo informs the waitress then makes his way to where heeseung is situated.

"you ran all the way here again, didn't you? and you're still late." heeseung says so in a disappointed tone yet there was a hint of a smirk on his face.

"if you're trying to piss me off, congratulations. it's working." sunoo bites back, still trying to catch his breath as he slides down the seat across heeseung.

heeseung's smirk forms to an apologetic smile yet it's clear he finds this humorous.  
"sorry. sorry."

sunoo shakes his head, eyes narrowing at him.  
"you know what? this is really your fault. of all restaurants to choose from, you picked somewhere that cost me _thrice_ the usual bus fare." he emphasizes the number with his fingers.

"i figured we wouldn't be found if we went someplace far." heeseung shrugs before his eyes widen once he sees the waiter with the uncooked meat.

"so... what did you order, heeseung-ssi?"

heeseung rubs the back of his neck.  
"i just picked whatever they recommended."

"let me guess. you've never eaten samgyupsal before?" sunoo's question seems to catch heeseung off guard. the older opens his mouth to speak but he doesn't. there is a faint color in his cheeks that sunoo is sure isn't there before.

"well, like i said..." heeseung clears his throat, his eyes moving everywhere but sunoo's direction.  
"i had a strict diet before."

sunoo chuckles at his reaction. it strikes him that heeseung can look so innocent when he gets flustered.  
he finds it... amusing, seeing the usual proud and teasing guy like this.

so to further embarrass him more, sunoo glances at the waiter with a smirk as he places the dishes on their table.

"hyung, this," he suddenly speaks a little loudly as he points at the grill, startling heeseung.  
"is where we're going to cook, okay?"

"and this is where the smokey smokey goes so we won't suffocate and die. you get it right, hyung?" sunoo makes sure to speak like he's talking to a child, putting emphasis on the words.

"sunoo-ssi, what are you---"

interrupting the older, sunoo faces the waiter with an 'apologetic' look.  
"it's his first time doing this so please bear with him, okay?"

"yah---"

the waiter only smiles sheepishly.  
"it's fine, sir."

heeseung tries to say something once more but sunoo isn't having it. he's barely keeping his laughter in when he pats heeseung on the shoulder.

"you heard him, hyung. don't be shy to ask for help when cooking. not everyone knows how to grill meat. especially when you've had a strict diet when you're younger, right?"

the look on heeseung's face is priceless. his entire face has turned beet red, even his ears. there is a mix of embarrasment and irritation in his eyes which are now as wide as saucers. his face screams murder.

"do you need help on how to operate the grill, sir?" the waiter offers kindly.

" _no._ please." heeseung smiles tightly at him.  
"we can manage."

when the waiter left, sunoo finally bursts to a fit of giggles. he places his hand over his mouth to quiet down his laughter which just keeps getting louder the more he sees heeseung look at him with a blank look.

"had your fun?"

"oh, yes i did." he says between laughs.

heeseung sighs before he grabs the tongs.

sunoo fake moves to help him with a teasing grin.  
"let me help you there."

" _ha. ha. ha._ shut up."  
heeseung is about to place the bacon strip on the grill when he halts.

sunoo looks up from the grill to him.  
"what?"

"isn't that your bestfriend with some guy?" heeseung inquires carefully.

"jungwon?" sunoo turns around to look and his stomach churns when he spots his bestfriend and ni-ki about to enter the restaurant.

quickly, he whips around to face heeseung who has ducked in his chair, eyes wary. sunoo does the same.

"what are we gonna do?" he hisses at the older. he can feel his heart pounding against his chest and the sensation isn't really pleasant.

"of course, we're going to hide." heeseung hisses back in a duh tone.

"where? how?"

his whole body jolts in surprise when heeseung suddenly grabbed his hand and tugged him along as they stood up from their seats and run.


	8. Chapter 8

january 16, 2020

sunoo resists the urge to gasp when heeseung drags him towards the restroom which is near to where their table is.

the background noise comes to silence when they entered the restroom. because of this, his heart beating to his ears just got louder.

once they entered one of the three cubicles, sunoo is able to breathe properly. he realizes he was holding his breath the whole time they were trying to hide.

"jungwon," he heaves a sigh.  
"of all places, why would you even go---"  
in the process of shaking his head, sunoo almost bumps against heeseung who is too close for comfort in this small, compressed space.

he makes sure to create a fairly acceptable distance, pressing himself against the wall on his side.

sunoo has never, ever, stood this close to someone with the exception of his family and bestfriend. he feels like every nerve in his body is alive and that even the slightest movement from either him or heeseung while they're this close would set him off.

he resists sighing in relief when heeseung moves away and does the same thing as him.  
"do you think they'll stay long?"  
heeseung whispers, his voice filling the luckily empty restroom.

"i don't know. probably. they're most likely on a date." sunoo explains, fiddling with the strap of his pouch.

"wait, we forgot our bags!"  
he suddenly exclaims, moving to open the door but heeseung stops him with a gentle but firm grip on his arm. sunoo notices they're still holding hands before that.

"it's fine. i'm sure nothing would happen to those." he assures in a calm voice.

"yes, but what if jungwon sees them? he knows what my bag looks like!"

"you're not the only one who has that bag, though." heeseung still looks perfectly composed as opposed to sunoo. his heart keeps pounding so hard like a drum. this only happens when he's put in extremely pressuring situations, like now.

sunoo isn't assured by his words but he drops his hand from the door handle. in the process, heeseung's hand on his arm falls.  
"i guess you're right."

heeseung groans in frustration, leaning his head back the wall.  
"i can't believe we're here inside the restroom when we could have been eating already~"

"of all places, really..."  
sunoo trails off, cursing whatever caused those two lovebirds to pick this restaurant.

as he slumped beside the wall separating the cubicles with his head pressed against it, an air of silence falls. it is heavier than usual since the restroom is empty. sunoo thinks even a small sound would resonate inside and he tries not to make one.

heeseung is probably aiming for the opposite.  
sunoo jumps when out of nowhere, he started chuckling to himself. it is so sudden that sunoo finds himself giving heeseung a weirded out look.

"what's so funny? are you crazy?"  
he questions, eyebrows raised.

heeseung shakes his head in amusement as he presses his back against the tiled wall of the cubicle.  
"nothing. i just remembered how red in the face you were yesterday." 

he faces sunoo with a playful grin.  
"when you sat next to sunghoon, i swore you looked constipated from where i stood."

sunoo flushes with embarrassment and his eye twitches in annoyance.  
"can we talk about something else?"

heeseung shrugs, complying.  
"sure. about what? we don't know anything about each other. we're practically strangers."

the way he dropped those statements are too casual for sunoo. he is acting like it isn't a big deal for strangers to be sitting inside a cubicle.

two times they have spent a day together and they're still strangers.

sunoo steals a glance at heeseung when an idea pops to his head.  
"we can play 20 questions."

"uh... okay. you start."

so, sunoo decided to start with the most basic question.  
"what's your favorite color?"

"ivory white. how and why do you like sunghoon?"

pure irritation is evident in sunoo's voice and face as he turns to look back at the older.  
" _really?_ we did this so you can stop asking about him and now you're doing it again?"

heeseung is unfazed under his cold gaze but there is apology in his eyes.  
"sorry. i'm just really curious. till yesterday, i never actually saw you and him talking when he became my friend through, you know..."

_well, because we were talking before they got together... and before i screwed up._

his eyes narrow at heeseung who only looked back at him, waiting.  
sighing, sunoo looks away from the older.  
"i have a crush on him since last school year, about october, i think. jungwon and i always spend our time in the library since it's cold outside. it so happens that i saw sunghoon-hyung almost everyday there. and he just looked... so handsome standing by the science section, always borrowing books."

pausing for a bit, sunoo takes a glance at heeseung. the older looks back at him, interested and as if saying "go on. i'm listening."

he lets out a sheepish smile.  
"when i first saw him, i just... immediately liked him, i guess. i think all i did is stare at him but i somehow did."

heeseung cuts in, a frown on his face.  
" _wait._ you _liked_ him just by looking at him? you two didn't even talk prior to that?"

"well, i did talk to him---"

"because you liked him already."

"well, _yes_. but i can't control who i like and how i like them, heeseung-ssi."  
heeseung doesn't seem to buy what he said yet he didn't say anything anymore related to that.

"what happened after that?"

"you didn't know? he didn't tell you?" sunoo starts to stutter when he saw heeseung raise his eyebrows.  
"i-i mean, not like i expected him to since it is not that import---"

"no, he didn't. like i told you, it never crossed my mind that you even interacted before."  
heeseung cuts him off softly.

"what happened?"

the 8th of december, year 2018. the memory is so fresh it felt like yesterday. sunoo can remember everything about it. he wishes he can't.  
sunoo contemplates telling heeseung, a complete stranger. it just seems like a touchy topic for him and no one knows about it except him (of course), jungwon and sunghoon.

_no._

he doesn't think he can tell a stranger something so personal. it just doesn't feel right.

heeseung probably sensed his hesitation since he puts on a kind smile.  
"don't tell me. we're strangers, right?"

"it is stupid really but i just..."

"stupid or not, if you don't feel like saying it, don't. you have the right not to." there is a firmness in heeseung's tone as he said that.

"we should have stuck to the basic questions." sunoo points a finger in mock accusation at him. heeseung being taken aback has him cracking a smile and chuckling a bit.

the older breaks away from his surprised state and nods in agreement as he fixes his blue beanie.

blue beanie.

that reminds sunoo of that day at the mall. when the two guys treated heeseung like he's their slave. one of them even slapped heeseung at the back of the head so harsh that his beanie fell off. he forgot how uneasy he felt when he witnessed that and remembering it has certainly brought back that feeling.

"hey, heeseung-ssi?"

"what?"

"if you don't mind me asking..." he looks at heeseung hesitantly.  
"i saw you at the mall last december with two guys. what's up with that?"

heeseung freezes. sunoo can see in his eyes how shocked he is at the sudden question. he's like a deer caught in headlights.  
"y-you saw me? did you _spy_ on me?"

sunoo's heart lurches at the accusation.  
"no, i didn't! i was waiting for jungwon so we can shop then i saw you."

heeseung just stares.  
sunoo looks away. he can't bear seeing his distrustful eyes on him.

_was i crossing the line again?_

it seems like their attempt to get to know each other ended up with them going below the belt regarding each other's lives.

imagine this. not knowing anything about someone except something that is personal to them.

_weird._

the tension between them thickens and the fact that they're all alone inside this restroom, inside this cubicle makes sunoo feel so small.

for a minute there, sunoo is fine with being seen by jungwon and ni-ki if it allows him to escape this thick, unwanted, and unpleasant awkwardness.

and the guilt... it's clawing at him like a virus.

he should not have asked that.

 _"i'm sorry."_  
he jumps a little when he hears heeseung say it at the same time. he whips his head to face the older who's already looking at him, surprise mirroring in their expressions.

then, sunoo giggles. just a little. who knew being synchronized happens in real life too?

heeseung does the same, breaking eye contact as he looks down.

"it's funny that we're getting too personal when we don't even have any idea about each other. and it's just our second date."  
awe and humor coated heeseung's voice.

"our second what?" sunoo's voice was almost shrill.

heeseung chuckles. "i'm kidding. go on."

sunoo composes himself.  
"let's start with the basics, then."

"is that stated on the textbook on how to talk to people?"

_annoying as usual. but funny._

"it is on the 'how to be a normal person' section. look it up."

an ugly snort escapes lee heeseung's nose.  
"you're so cold."

sunoo grins, looking at his pouch. he always hears that whenever he is in a bad mood.

"favorite number?"

"isn't that too personal?" sunoo jokes but nevertheless, he still answers.  
"24."

_my birth day._

"when's your birthday?" he inquires as he slides down the floor to make himself comfortable.

heeseung shakes his head.  
"i'm not telling you."

"why?"

"because i think it's personal."

"it's not---"

the sudden burst of the door to the restroom opening cuts sunoo off abruptly. panic in their eyes, the two of them freeze.

sunoo knows that when people see two pairs of feet in one cubicle, it might be taken in the wrong way. they might get in trouble so sunoo makes sure to hide his.

_but how am i gonna---_

"hey!" sunoo exclaims at the sudden movement from heeseung.  
the older, in return, shushes him sharply, finger pressed to his lips.

"i'm telling you red is better than black, okay? it fits you more." a voice that clearly belongs to a middle aged man echoes inside the restroom.

sunoo hears the water running so he assumes the man is washing his hands.

heeseung remains still, eyes wide with caution.

there it is again. his heart beating rapidly as he finds himself yet again in an unnerving situation.

"buy the red dress! then wear it tonight."  
the man says. the lack of response that can be heard suggests that he's talking to someone on the phone.

sunoo bites his lip impatiently.  
 _can you please just go?_

"okay, okay! i'll meet you there."  
he feels heeseung tense when the door of the cubicle to their right opens.

"stop fidgeting." hisses heeseung to which sunoo only smiles sheepishly at.

his impatience rises by a hundred as the man takes his time doing whatever it is he's doing.

_i ran all the way here in hopes of getting free food and i end up here? inside the restroom? and this freaking man takes so long, i swear i'm gonna shove his a---_

at last, the man is gone, the flush of the toilet a sign that he had been there.

"we're okay now..."  
breathes sunoo, relaxing as he slumps on his seat.

his heart leaps to his throat once he feels heeseung's chest against his back.

_what in the world?!_

heeseung says softly, clearing his throat.  
"hey, you can get off now."

it seems like in his plan to keep himself, specifically his feet, hidden, sunoo ended up sitting on lee heeseung's lap on the toilet seat.

"when i say personal, it includes space too, you know."

"please shut up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not my best but i hope you still like it
> 
> i would like to say a sincere thank you to everyone who commented. your words motivate me to write.
> 
> also, it is the last day of sma so let's all participate later!


	9. Chapter 9

january 16, 2020

"i really wanted to eat~"  
sunoo whines as he and heeseung sit inside the bus heading back home.

it was there. the meat is ready to be eaten but they didn't have time to stay since for some messed up reason, jungwon and ni-ki decided to sit on the table beside them.

_i'm going to slap that kid when i see him._

the older grumbles, leaning his head against the window.  
"we wasted a lot of money for nothing."

sunoo faces him, seeing the very visible pout on his face.  
"how much did you pay?"

"i don't really know. we were in a hurry." heeseung replies, disappointed.

sunoo can't blame him for his behavior. the guy lost money for food they weren't able to eat. to add, one of the things in his bucket list wasn't completed today.

his stomach grumbles.

heeseung is probably hungry too.  
they spent an hour inside the bathroom stall, with food just within their reach. it's extremely frustrating.

_i wonder what mom cooked tonight..._

"i guess we're eating at our homes then, huh?"  
he smiles a little to lighten up the mood.

"yeah... sure." heeseung nods, hugging his backpack closer to his chest.  
he still looks discouraged. the younger assumes he's still upset about the samgyupsal.

sunoo then finds himself thinking of how they would be able to fulfill today's agenda.  
he looks at the hour on his phone, reading '6:45 pm'.  
after that, he looks out the window for signs of a familiar street.

"it's one block away..."  
he muses, calling heeseung's attention.

"what?"

sunoo offers a polite smile.  
"there is this restaurant where my mom and i used to take home crispy pork skin from."

heeseung catches on to what he says with a slow nod.  
"i thought you're eating at home?"  
sunoo shrugs.  
"you looked a little disappointed there. figured we could still cross eating grilled food off the list today even if things didn't end up as expected."

there is a deep, contemplating look on heeseung's face. sunoo thought he wasn't going to agree before a small smirk comes to his lips.  
"you're paying."

sunoo narrows his eyes at him. heeseung stares back, steadfast.

 _well,_ _he did pay earlier..._

sunoo scoffs in defeat. it is the least he can do to make things even.  
"fine."  
heeseung's eyes show surprise at his compliance.  
"i was joking, sunoo-ssi."

"you paid earlier so the least i can do is pay for our food now."

" _i'm_ paying."

heeseung left no room for arguments as he turns away from him to look out the window.

sunoo quirks an eyebrow before a small smile comes to his face.  
"thanks."

he only gets a hum in response though he can see a small twitch in heeseung's mouth.

few minutes later and the old, small restaurant comes into sight. it certainly brings sunoo memories of seeing it from inside the car as his mom parks.  
"there it is. come on, heeseung-ssi."

"it's just across the street."  
sunoo says when they got out of the bus, slinging his bag on one shoulder.

"then, let's go. i'm hungry."  
heeseung didn't waste time and started to cross the road the second the light turned green.  
surprised, sunoo follows. the way heeseung walks so fast has him grabbing the older's wrist before taking a sprint.

they stop in front of the buzzing restaurant. smoke and loud chatter greets them at the entrance.

"why did you do that?"

"do what?" sunoo asks as he pants heavily, trying to catch his breath from the sudden exercise.

heeseung holds up his wrist which is in sunoo's grip.  
"this."

flushing red, sunoo removes his hand.  
"well, you walked so fast. i thought you'd trip or something. maybe you also didn't know how to cross the road."

heeseung looks at him in disbelief, causing him to laugh. doing that when he just ran isn't a good thing because he almost choked.

it is the older's turn to be amused. there is a teasing tone to his voice as he rubs sunoo's back.  
"there, there. let the oxygen in."

finally having regulated his breathing, sunoo can finally be excited as he stares at the store's sign board. he can't remember the last time they dined in. he surely missed cooking the pork skin himself.  
"come on." he stops himself from jumping in excitement as he enters the restaurant.

he hears heeseung complain about him skipping like a 5 year old kid but he ignores him with a smile as he looks for a seat.

"here we are." sunoo declares with a grin. he can't feel his face from how wide his smile is.

heeseung shakes his head as he takes a seat across him, eyes wandering the place.  
"this place is too loud."

"well, the food here is cheap and delicious." there is a proud tone to sunoo's voice. it feels good to brag about this place. he's sure heeseung will love it.

his bright smile falters to a frown when heeseung wrinkles his nose in disgust.  
"pork skin? hmm... weird."

"you act as if you already tasted it."  
sunoo crosses his arms, annoyed.

heeseung just shrugs, eyes surveying the worn out table with his lips pursed.

the older's snobbish indifference results in a sudden well of determination in sunoo. all he wants to do is prove heeseung wrong about one of his favorite food.

"excuse me!" he calls over a waitress.  
"two orders of pork skin, please!"

"that's a lot, sunoo-ssi. i'm not even going to eat that much."

he faces heeseung with a challenging smile.  
"the meal's on me."

"why?"

"so that you won't say no to free food. i know you're hungry. you said so awhile ago."

 _just wait and see._ _i'm going to change your mind._

sunoo watches in anticipation as the waitress places down the plate full of uncooked pork skin.

heeseung comments cheekily.  
"no more interruptions, huh?"

sunoo shakes his head, smiling. he grabs one plate and pushes the other towards heeseung.

without a word, the two of them start to fry their food.

heeseung occasionally asks for help. _no, wait._ he occasionally stares at sunoo until the younger notices and offers to help. then heeseung, with great hesitation, says yes.

"you don't seem a fan of asking for help, are you?" sunoo observes while he places yet another piece of skin on the pan.

"not if i can handle it."

"so, you aren't able to handle doing everything in your bucket list alone?"

"no, i just want to make you pay for kissing me. call it an act of justice."

sunoo snorts as he watches heeseung chuckle before putting a piece to his mouth. his lips form to a thin line, waiting for any reaction from the older.

heeseung's eyes widen the slightest and sunoo sees the tiniest bit of pleasant surprise cross his face before he tries to cover it up with a blank expression.

"aha! you liked it, didn't you?"  
exclaiming, sunoo rises from his seat to point a triumphant finger at the older.

"no, i didn't." heeseung denies.

sunoo shakes his head with a teasing grin.  
"stop being stubborn." he sing-songs.

for a brief moment, the two of them engage in a staredown. an outsider might think they're involved in something serious, not something as trivial as the taste of fried pork skin.  
sunoo hardens his gaze, his eyes not daring to look away. he saw what he saw and he knows he's right.

another look of victory falls upon his face when heeseung scoffs a little as he mutters,  
"it isn't as bad as i thought."

"i knew you'd like it." sunoo beams, taking a seat again.

heeseung surveys the restaurant with a pleased expression. sunoo feels a little sense of pride from that.

"this is a nice place to go to for a casual dinner." heeseung comments.

"you're going to bring your boyfriend or girlfriend here?"

sunoo receives a puzzled look from heeseung whose doe eyes are widened.  
"i haven't had a boyfriend nor a girlfriend before."

it is his turn to be confused.  
"what do you mean? you've never dated someone?"

heeseung nods, his eyes still on him.

sunoo frowns. "that's impossible. i mean, you're the school's golden boy! besides, i heard one of the reasons the bets started is because one of your exes said you wouldn't kiss him."

"and where did you exactly hear that?"

"people."

heeseung scoffs ruefully. " _people_. _so reliable_. they tend to spread information like melted butter on toast. false or not."

awkwardly, sunoo takes a sip of water. embarrassment washes over him and he can't meet heeseung's gaze. it is as if the whole place had gotten hotter and smaller.

they settle in silence which heeseung quickly breaks with a sigh that has sunoo looking at him.  
"being well known really has its perks. i accidentally told someone i've never been kissed nor want to be and he told everyone."

sunoo cautiously asks, lips upturned."what is up with you not wanting to be kissed?"

"uh..."

he backs away from the topic at heeseung's hesitation.  
"sorry. was that too personal?"

heeseung shakes his head lightly. a hesitant smile comes to his face as he clasps his hands together.  
"you'd laugh at me."

"why? are you one of those people who save their first kiss for _the_ one?" sunoo quips, his expression not any at all serious as a jesting tone rests on his voice.

he doesn't receive any answer. sunoo expects a witty retort or a brash denial from heeseung but nothing. only a pair of doe eyes staring back at him and a face graced with a faint blush.

sunoo puts down the glass of water down the table.  
"you're kidding." he assumes, a disbelieving laugh escaping him.

"no, i am not." there are no signs of humor of any sorts in heeseung's voice. it's just pure and bashful earnestness.

"wha--- i can't ---" sunoo isn't able to form sentences, only sputters of incoherent words. he is torn between being amused and completely confounded. he has always thought heeseung to be experienced with those sort of things and just had a problem with hygiene.

"is it that hard to believe such people exist, sunoo-ssi?" questions heeseung in defense, resting his chin on his clasped hands.

it cost sunoo a whole minute for him to collect himself, having to drink water down to the last drop to soothe his throat which had choked up while he was in the midst of laughing and gasping.

he acknowledges heeseung with a conscious smile and a guilty stomach.  
"well, i..." he clears his throat of any blockage.  
"i did not have you pegged as that kind of person."

"i guess you didn't know me enough to." heeseung states as he raises an eyebrow.

sunoo nods in agreement.  
"i guess i didn't. and..." he presses his teeth together, keeping his head down. "i guess i owe you an apology for, you know, " he has a hard time saying it, considering that it is lee heeseung.  
"stealing your first kiss which may have been mine too."

heeseung flushes red at that, his ears reddening as well. he tries to mask his obvious embarrassment with a smart retort.  
"i figured. your mouth missed mine a whole inch." he points to the corner of his mouth to support his statement. "your lipbalm went here---"

"oh my god! let's not talk about this now!" sunoo covers his face with both hands, his neck feeling a little warmer than normal. he has sworn to bury away that embarrassing memory and hearing it from heeseung's perspective makes him want to slam his head on the table, if that is what it takes to erase that kiss from his mind.

he hears heeseung giggle heartily and slowly removes his hands, still rather feeling hot. he takes a breath to calm himself and puts on a neutral expression.

"so, you've never liked anyone before?" sunoo presses on, wanting to know more.

"of course, i did but i have no plans for pursuing anything romantic yet since you know, school is a priority." heeseung replies, pausing from putting another piece in his mouth.  
"is that weird?"

sunoo hums in thought. he notices the uneasy crease in heeseung's brow.  
"not really... we all have things we don't like. for me, i don't like oranges." he admits rather shyly.

_really, sunoo? the guy says he doesn't like dating and you say you don't like oranges?_

"you don't like oranges." heeseung repeats. the frown on his face deepens and that gives sunoo the impression he's being judged.

"what? they're sour and i don't like sour things." he somehow says defensively to which heeseung raises his hands at.

"no, it's fine." the older states in an assuring voice.

heeseung's strained features have now relaxed. from how he speaks so softly, the roles may have reversed. he is now the one comforting sunoo.

"my family always find it funny that oranges, _'the most basic fruit'_ ," sunoo rolls his eyes while making air quotes,  
"are what i don't like."

everytime they eat together, his parents would always make jokes on how 'sunoo is afraid of oranges'. he never really takes their teasing to heart but it can sometimes get annoying.

heeseung takes a bite.  
"i mean, i kind of get their point."

sunoo almost huffs if it weren't for what he says next.

"but you _can_ not like something a lot of people do. society has bigger problems."

a light feeling settles on sunoo's stomach at his surprisingly wise words. an awkward laugh escapes him as he struggles to fight back an appreciative smile.

"here are your rice bowls. careful, it's hot."

the boys' attention moves to the old lady who gently places the steaming hot bowl of rice in front of them.

"thank you."

they politely bow to her as she leaves.

heeseung was about to open the lid improperly when sunoo stops him.

"hold it like this or you'll get burned."

the younger guides his hand around the bowl and then instructs him to shake the bowl lightly.  
"be careful, heeseung-ssi."

as he settles back on his seat, he notices heeseung's tentative stare on him.  
"what is it?"

the older breaks his gaze, blinking like he was stunned. he turns back to the bowl of rice with a small shrug.  
"nothing."

sunoo brushes it off then proceeds to open the lid of his rice bowl. an excited grin stretches from his lips at the sight. if there was something that he _really_ loves so much, it's food.

"ahh... i forgot just how good this tasted." his eyes are shut in pure satisfaction as he chews the tender meat. he can't help but do a little dance at the delicious meal he's eating right now.

he opens his eyes when heeseung's light chuckle reaches his ears. caught off guard by the reminder that he's not alone, heat creeps to sunoo's cheeks.

silence falls between them, something that, unlike the first meeting, is strangely comfortable to sunoo. he's not completely stiff and the awkward air isn't as thick as before.

he steals a glance at heeseung who is quite happily munching on the pork skin, a pout on his face.

never would he have thought that he'd be sharing a meal with lee heeseung yet here they are. to his surprise, the idea isn't as absurd as he would have found it before.  
satisfied that heeseung is enjoying, he returns his focus back on his food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way i separated one day into almost three chapters hahaha, i'm getting impatient myself
> 
> sorry if it seems like i'm dragging things way too long but i am really focusing on establishing sunseung's relationship, it is a literal slowburn after all
> 
> i hope you enjoy this still ♡
> 
> pls vote enhypen on mubeat and our heeseung on idol champ!


	10. Chapter 10

january 25, 2020

"sunoo, hurry up!"  
an agitated sigh comes out of sunoo's lips for the umpteenth time. he rolls his eyes, shouting a 'coming!' towards the door.

it is not his fault his hair decided to not work with him today! whatever he does, there is an annoying strand of his hair that keeps sticking out.

"what the heck..." he grumbles, begrudgingly dropping his hairbrush in the sink. he glares at his hair at the mirror, eyes narrowed.

"sunoo!" his father's voice booms, startling him. panicking, sunoo decides to just let his hair be and scrambles out of the bathroom.

with hurried steps, he trudges down the stairs, pouch in hand. when he reached the altar inside their house, his mom immediately rushes to him.

"what is wrong with your hair?" she fusses, trying her best to smooth down the stubborn strand.

sunoo sighs and whines when he notices his mom licking her fingers.  
he moves away from her before she can touch his hair.  
" _mom!_ that's gross!"

his mom only shakes her head and moves towards him again.  
"your hanbok is all crumpled!" she observes with a disappointed sigh.  
always the perfectionist, his mom is.

before sunoo pops a vein in his forehead, his dad intervenes.  
"dear, let it be. with his hanbok crumpled or not, our sunoo is still handsome. he got my good genes." he grins, reaching out to ruffle sunoo's hair that he spent a lot of time on.

"dad!" his father only chuckles gleefully. sunoo guesses the happy attitude runs in the family.

"dear, look at sunoo's hair. it is now a mess!"

" _oh,_ forget it. we're not even going out today and it's not like our son has anyone to impress, right?"

sunoo almost falls on his face at his mom's statement.  
"who knows? that pretty eyed boy who visited on new year's may visit again."

he sends his mom a look of disbelief. what on earth has gotten to her, he doesn't know.

his dad frowns, confused.  
"who?"

"lee heeseung, dear. the extremely kind and polite boy i mentioned to you. he is a good match for our boy."

did his mom just become a lee heeseung fan?

realization dawns on his dad's face but sunoo pays no heed to that because all he can do is stare at his mom, bewildered.

"mom, that is the weirdest thing you have ever said. he is not coming here." he blurts out to which his mom brushes off with a scoff.

sunoo frowns at what his mom is implying.  
lee heeseung may be cute, kind, polite, pretty-eyed or whatever but he isn't sunoo's type at all. sure, they can be friends but sunoo doesn't and will never like him in that way.

shaking the thoughts away, he resists shouting in frustration as he tries his best to fix his hair. no matter how he tries, his hair is all ruined.

_great._

the frown occupying his face deepens as he watches his mom fix the altar for seollal, the lunar new year.

even when they have started the jesa ceremony, sunoo can't fix his expression.  
his hair is ruined and his hanbok is crumpled because he didn't have time to fix it. it doesn't matter whether he's inside or outside. he hates it when he doesn't look presentable.

his mood only lightens when he sees the visual of the altar and he can't help himself. he immediately takes out his phone after they've finished the ceremony and snaps a few pictures.

"sunoo-ah, aren't you over yet that hobby of yours?" his dad clicks his tongue in what he pretty sure thinks is disappointment.

"it is not a hobby, dad." sunoo corrects, his lips pressing to a thin line.

his dad fixes him with a displeased twitch of the eye.  
"sunoo-ah, we talked about this, didn't we? don't make photography a profession."

"what am i supposed to do, dad? i like taking pictures and i want to make a living out of it."

"that is the problem. how can you make a living out of something that won't guarantee you a steady job and enough money?"

sunoo's hand on the phone tightens.  
"but, you'd never know, dad. there are a lot of successful photographers out there."

"photographers who are _really_ good in their field!" his dad abruptly stops but it already has been said.

sunoo knows he does not excel yet in photography since the only thing he can use to take photos is his phone and he only started liking photography last year. he knows that his skills require more improvement but it hurts hearing it from other people, let alone his dad.

tears prick at his eyes and the need to leave overwhelms him. if he doesn't get out now, he won't be able to take his father's presence without saying something he'll probably regret.

"who wants something sweet? i'm craving for macarons right now." sunoo pushes himself off the ground he was sitting on, raising his voice louder than usual.

he stuffs his phone to his pocket without daring to look at anyone in the room. he is certain his mom's eyes are filled now with worry whilst his dad is probably guilty yet still thinking of ways on how to convince his only son to stop with his poor career choice.

before he could hear another word come out of his dad's mouth, sunoo makes a beeline for the inviting door.

he irritatedly pushes a strand of hair out of his face as he strides his way to the nearest bakeshop. his eyes well up in tears and he angrily wipes them away, taking sharp breaths in.

his thoughts struggle to not linger on the previous event and he bites back a frustrated shout.

his father has never been fond of his dream to get a course in photography. he says it doesn't pay much and isn't the best path to take on. his mom and sister are neutral about it, saying that he decides what he wants which isn't really a comfort to him. jungwon is the only person who has shown real support of his love for photography, but would sunoo be considered ungrateful if he wished it wasn't just jungwon?

his father means well. sunoo knows he loves him a lot but how could a father possibly wish his son to give up something he wants because it is deemed unworthy? it just seems so unfair.

but then maybe, sunoo is just being too hopeful and naive, avoiding the truth that his father might be right.

his sister, eunjae, right now is studying medicine and is set on working at one of the prestigious hospitals in korea. sunoo knows his father wants him to aim for the same. two medical professionals in the family... they surely are going to be successful. or at least, it will be better than a freelance photographer who has no promise that he'll be outstanding in his field. his father himself said that he is not even that good in taking photos. if he really wants to take on this risky path, he must have the talent to do so. yet, he doesn't.

_how could this day be so bad?_

sunoo just wants to get away for awhile. then, eat some sweets to relieve himself from all the stress now that he is out of the house.

it only took him almost 15 minutes to get to the bakeshop he usually goes to after school hours. pushing open the door, the rich smell of bread wafts to his nose and a part of him is comforted by the familiar smell.

a small smile tugs on his lips at the sight of the deliciously-looking pastries and for a second, he forgot that he came here to destress himself and not just a usual visit.

thankfully, the shop isn't that crowded so sunoo finds himself next in line at the counter.

"nice hanbok." he turns his head towards the speaker. a small surprised sound leaves him when he sees lee euijoo standing behind him.

the older guy's eyes meet his and his face lights up in recognition.  
"you're kim sunoo, right?"

sunoo nods dumbly, wondering why euijoo is talking to him. is this year going to be filled with encountering people he didn't talk to before?

"heeseung-hyung said you're cuter up close and i guess he was right." grins euijoo.

sunoo can only stare at him, mouth agape for a few seconds. he only regains his ability to talk when euijoo looks at him expectantly.

"heeseung-ssi told you about me?" sunoo asks, taking a subtle step away from euijoo who nods in response. he remembers quite clearly that their agreement is between the two of them. here he was hiding this from jungwon while heeseung has told his brother already.

"not explicitly. i found out myself. heeseung-hyung isn't that good with hiding things." euijoo explains with a fond smile. sunoo feels like he's been put in a personal situation he should not be in. his initial accusing doubt for heeseung drowns away and is replaced by an itch of mild guilt and embarrassment.

"oh. uh... nice to see you here, euijoo-ssi."  
sunoo plasters a polite smile, completely pretending that he didn't hear what euijoo said about what heeseung told him but his burning cheeks say otherwise.

euijoo shrugs, his black hair slightly bouncing in the process.  
"mom wanted to eat here for seollal. she likes sweets a lot. of course, dad and i had no choice but to follow." sunoo follows his gaze to where a middle aged man and woman are seated at. the man listens while the woman gushes, his eyes set on her lovingly.

sunoo turns away from them but not before a question surfaces in his head.  
"not that i'm meddling but, where is heeseung-ssi?"

it takes euijoo a few seconds to answer, his carefree expression dimming a little.  
"ah, he's at jay's. bonding."

"oh." sunoo doesn't say anything more because it is now his turn to order.

he finds himself picking more sweets than he usually does. the cashier's smile falters a little as sunoo continues telling her what he's getting.

"okay, that's all." sunoo smiles at the obvious unamused expression on the cashier's face.

while the cashier is preparing the food, sunoo lets his eyes move about the shop but something behind the cashier's side of the counter catches his attention. _no,_ someone.

"what is lee heeseung doing there wearing an employee's uniform?" sunoo whispers as he watches heeseung pull out the tray from the oven. there is an obvious flinch in the boy's face as he forcefully drops the tray on the table, cradling his hand to his chest.

"hey, euijoo-ssi?"

"yes?"

"i thought heeseung-ssi is bonding with his friend."

euijoo affirms. "yeah."

"then, why am i seeing him now over there?" shamelessly pointing a finger, sunoo raises an eyebrow at the guy's statement.

heeseung has now started to remove the baked cheesecakes from the tray, bowing continuously in apology as one of the employees scolds him.

"heeseung-hyung!" the doe eyed guy jumps from where he stood, startling the employee with him. sunoo bites his lip to keep a chortle in.

euijoo calls his name once more, directing his attention to where sunoo is. heeseung's already big eyes widen more by a fraction once he sees the two by the counter. he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

sunoo offers a friendly smile, opting for a wave but not until heeseung is suddenly running away from their sight. an offended huff escapes sunoo.

"i didn't know he works here." he hears euijoo whisper to himself, confused.

since he has nothing to do for the rest of the day and he still doesn't want to go home, sunoo supposes he can look for heeseung while he's eating to satisfy his curiosity. upon getting his order, he immediately bids euijoo goodbye and exits the cafe.

"now, where did you go?" sunoo takes a look at both left and right, softly chewing on a chapssal doughnut. he spots no signs of a certain lee heeseung and his forehead creases in annoyance.

sunoo ponders the possibility that maybe heeseung didn't leave the shop and to make sure, he walks over to the back.

having taken only a few steps, sunoo suddenly realizes what he is doing. he halts, slapping a hand to his forehead.

he, right now, is acting like a freaking stalker and prying to someone's business which he has no right to.

 _this is the third time, kim sunoo!_  
he scolds himself, shutting his eyes.

but what can he do? there are things about lee heeseung that just seem so weird and unclear. much to his dismay, sunoo is drawn to knowing them. the guy has a bucket list, for god's sake!

last december, lee heeseung let himself be bullied by two guys who treated him like their slave.

then, now, sunoo finds out that heeseung is working at the shop he's been going to since last year. the funny thing is heeseung's own brother doesn't also know. not just that. sunoo is so confused why heeseung reacted that way when said brother called him. he ran away like he committed a felony.

_what is up with that guy?_

still, sunoo isn't in the place to meddle. he's sure heeseung has his reasons, whatever they may be.

_so, do i look for him or not?_

he shakes his head, reminding himself that what he's doing is wrong and creepy in all levels. he did not win best in good conduct for him to act like a creep.

a resigned groan drawls out of his throat. he looks at his watch and wishes that the numbers he's seeing are even later. he can't go home already! but he doesn't have anywhere to go to.

calling jungwon is out of the question since the younger went on a trip with his family. he may have interacted with people among the school but the only person sunoo really considers a friend is jungwon... heeseung too... _maybe?_

"i'd just have to suck it up and stay in my room for the rest of the day. i hope i can climb over to the window."  
he looks at his legs which he isn't sure would be able to do the work.

_beep!_

an unknown number flashes to sunoo's notifications. he assumes it is one of those message scammers but it wouldn't hurt for him to look at the message the number sent.

thank goodness he did look at the message.

**'hey, sunoo'**   
**Seen.**   
**1:45 pm**

**'it's park sunghoon'**   
**Seen**   
**1:45** **pm**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's day! 
> 
> as a gift, i give you the longest chapter yet 😚 (this was supposed to be split into two chapters but i decided to put them into one hehe)

february 6, 2020

isn't it weird that despite sunoo saying he'd be doing all the work to get closer to sunghoon, he doesn't even have to try that hard when the guy himself is talking to him more often now?

this whole thing seems like a fever dream. never would he imagine park sunghoon would be talking to him now so casually. they've talked before but sunghoon never really made the effort to reach out to sunoo until... well, until he and jay broke up.

sunoo didn't want to think badly of sunghoon but him trying to be friendly is just suspicious.

and part of him is a little scared. scared that things will not turn out as expected but he shakes them off, forcing himself to think positively. looking on the bright side used to be second nature for him until he entered the new world which is highschool.

before he crosses the street, he makes sure to send a reply to sunghoon's question about his math homework.

"sunoo, you're---"

"late. i know. sorry." sunoo quickly interrupts with a shake of the head.  
"believe me. i tried to get here in the earliest way possible but it's not my fault you pick meeting places that are too far, heeseung-ssi."

"good point. sorry. forgot you have afternoon classes. i can add ten to fifteen minutes if you want." heeseung amends, throwing sunoo a small smile through a mouthful of hotteok.

the younger smirks a little while fixing the strap of his bag.  
"no. i'd like to keep you waiting. what i do want is to know why we are here. in the streets. are we planning to ask for alms?"

heeseung shakes his head as he pops the remaining piece of hotteok to his mouth.  
"nope." a knowing grin.  
"for today, i thought i could spice things up a little bit."

"good idea because i honestly didn't consider the first four meetings a part of the bucket list."

"hey! learning how to ride a bike is bucket-list material." heeseung weakly defends, his hands lazily waving in the air to prove his point.

sunoo has to snort at the memory of lee heeseung almost crying his eyes out when he broke the bell of the bike because he was holding onto it tightly instead of the handlebar.

heeseung ignores the unpleasant sound he made and instead, starts walking.

sunoo's little smile transforms to a frown as he follows heeseung. the two wordlessly walked for about ten minutes. sunoo notices heeseung stop and look at a rental venue just two shops away to their right. there seems to be a kid's birthday party going on, judging from the clown he can see from his position.

"heeseung-ssi, what are we going to do?"

it's hard for sunoo not to notice the mischievous glint in the older's eye.  
"crash a party, i guess."

"excuse me. what?" sunoo blinks.

"is not that bucket list material for you?" heeseung quirks, moving forward.

sunoo processes what he said for a second before catching up to him and tugging at his arm.  
"we might get caught."

"that's the fun in it."

sunoo supposes it can be fun. as long as they leave themselves out of trouble.  
he fixes heeseung with a stern gaze.  
"if anything happens, i'm blaming and sacrificing you."

"sacrificing me--- what?" there is a mix of worry, confusion, and amusement in the older's chuckle.

sunoo looks at the partyplace again.  
"a kid's party? really?"

"what? i'd like to keep it wholesome. come on." heeseung persists, taking bigger steps to reach the place. sunoo watches the older confidently swaggering and nearly tripping on his own feet.

with a sigh, he goes after heeseung who's already inside.

the two of them slightly freeze upon seeing the red and blue balloon-filled room and the cute little children running about.

sunoo quickly scans the room and observes that the only people who are not little kids are some of the kids' nannies and parents. the two of them are the only teenagers inside. it's way too suspicious, if you ask sunoo.

"this is a bad idea, heeseung-ssi." sunoo states through gritted teeth but his obvious protest falls to deaf ears.

heeseung smiles enthusiastically, his eyes twinkling.  
"we're doing it."

sunoo can only pout helplessly and follow the older's lead.

the two move together slowly as they maneuver past the parents huddled in the corner. sunoo can hear his heart thumping against his chest like a drum when he thought for sure that he made eye contact with one of the mothers. he wonders how much trouble he'll get into and prays that he'll have enough kindness in his body not to strangle the giddy guy with him.

he doesn't know where heeseung is planning to go but he still follows, keeping his steps light yet they feel so heavy. the bag on his back feels like a huge burden he's carrying now and he contemplates removing it.

sunoo abruptly stops when he bumps against heeseung's back. he is pulled back from the short bubble of concentration he had while walking and has to blink a couple times to register what is front of them. what made heeseung stop.

there stood an old lady with a little kid in her arms, looking back at heeseung's frozen eyes.

sunoo can swear that his sweat had run cold, especially in his armpits, at the look the old lady gave them.

the older comes back to his senses when sunoo tapped him and quickly thinks of something to say.  
"uh... hi?"

_we're doomed._

they just got here and sunoo is pretty sure they'd be thrown out now. anyone with the right mind would kick them out. apparently, the old lady disagrees.

"excuse me. do we know you?"   
the old lady taunts at the teenagers.

"uh... sorry, you don't." sunoo inaudibly gasps at heeseung's pure, unneeded honesty at the moment.

"... since this is our first time accompanying our little brother so we were never introduced." heeseung spoke very confidently but sunoo can hear the slightest waver of nervousness in his voice. still, he has to silently applaud the older for sounding convincing.

the old lady raises a crooked eyebrow.  
"your little brother?" the movement she did with her eyebrow reminds sunoo of those evil grandmas in dramas.

"granny. i wanna play!" a small, pitchy voice came from the little girl in her arms. the girl has black hair tied with blue ribbons into pigtails and almond-shaped eyes staring up the old lady innocently.

the old lady averts her scrutinizing gaze from the two teenagers to the little girl. sweetness and gentleness replaces the burning cold in her expression.

"okay, hyuna-ah. just don't run."  
the little girl nods eagerly and wiggles out of her grandma's grasp. without even sparing a glance, the girl, despite her grandma's previous warning, runs to her friends, tripping along the way.

"hyuna-ah." the old lady scolds but there is a fond smile on her face.

traces of any of that loving expression are gone when she faces the two again.  
"so who are you again, young men?"

sunoo looks to heeseung for help, his palms sweaty as he puts his hands into nervous fists.

heeseung doesn't look any better than him. the older's eyes have frozen amidst his confident facade.  
"we---"

"mom, mrs. jeon is looking for you at the back. she needs help with the cake." a soft and calm voice interrupts from behind the old lady.

the two boys' attention is averted to a beautiful man sporting a silver undercut. the man has soft, almost feminine features but there is a strong sense of masculinity radiating from the way he carries himself.

beside him is a taller guy with a younger face but a broader figure. the guy has long hair just above his shoulders. sunoo notices that despite the evident maturity in the man, there is a hint of childish innocence in his bambi eyes. he wouldn't have noticed that if he wasn't intently staring at him yet he can't stop himself. the man is a sight for sore eyes along with his shorter companion.

in the midst of his intense observation, sunoo doesn't miss the taller guy's hand softly wrapped around the silver haired guy's waist, the ring on his finger glistening against the light.

"we'll handle it from here, mrs. park." the taller guy says with a polite smile.

'mrs.park' reluctantly goes to the kitchen but not before sending warning glances towards the teenagers.

sunoo notices heeseung subtly release a breath of relief and his lips twitch a little. he himself feels like a heavy knot in his stomach has been untangled with the old lady's departure.

"so, how do you two know our daughter?"

"uh... you see..."

heeseung's eyes quickly scan the room until they land on the banner plastered on the other side of the room with 'happy birthday, hyuna'.

"our little brother is friends with your daughter. uh... happy birthday to her by the way. we forgot to greet her because we didn't know she was the one with the birthday. _hehe_..." heeseung grins awkwardly, giving sunoo second-hand embarrassment.

"appa! dada!"

the girl from before who is actually hyuna came running towards the two men with a bright laugh.

the taller guy scoops hyuna in his arms then rests her by his waist. the little girl smooches her fathers' cheeks then waves at the nervous wreck of teenagers.

"hello." she greets.

"honey, they are your friend's brothers, i believe." introduces the silver haired guy to his daughter.

hyuna frowns at the two teenagers.  
"brothers? i thought you were like appa and dada."

hearing the statement makes the two boys cough along with the taller guy. the silver haired guy looks shocked at the girl's statement. sunoo's cheeks have turned red while heeseung feels heat creeping to his ears.

"honey, stop with your accusations. it's not good."

the silver-haired guy softly scolds hyuna who already has her bottom lip out, pouting at her parents.

"okay. sorry, oppas."

sunoo shakes his head then finds his gaze drifting to the birthday girl's parents as they look at hyuna. he can waste a day just staring at them, especially the taller guy.

"happy birthday, hyuna." greets heeseung, causing the girl to beam at him happily.

"thanks! i'm 3 already. bye!"  
the kid then jumps off of her dada's arms then sprints off to play with her friends again.

"i'm so sorry about that. if you don't mind me asking, which one is your brother?" he barely hears the silver-haired guy ask.

"oh. him."

"her." sunoo points to a little girl absentmindedly.

heeseung's head snaps towards the younger who was actually staring at the long-haired guy. sunoo is pulled out of his trance and lets out a flustered laugh.

"oh, sorry. they have the same... shirt."

the couple chuckles at sunoo who shyly bows in apology.

"i didn't know _beomgyu_ had brothers." mr. long haired guy muses.

heeseung fakes a chuckle, reaching a hand to his nape.  
"well, you know. siblings."

sunoo notices the unconvinced look on the two beautiful guys' faces and panics. he needs to think of something fast or nothing.

spotting the little boy on one of the tables that heeseung pointed, he puts on an excited face and calls his name.

"beomgyu-ah!"  
he waves at the boy gleefully. sunoo has experience with kids from his little cousins and he has come to know that his face is cute enough to be liked by children. he just hopes the kid isn't an exception to his charms.

hearing his name called, the little boy looks to the direction of the voice. his little round eyes land on sunoo's bright face. sunoo waves again with more enthusiasm. to his relief, beomgyu waves back, showing his gap-toothed grin.

sunoo inwardly cheers and the smile on his face stays. he sees heeseung staring at him from the corner of his eye and flashes him a knowing grin.

"i hope you don't mind us coming here without notice..." heeseung trails off.

"oh. how rude of me. park jimin." mr. silver-haired guy introduces himself with a smile that makes his eyes disappear.

"i'm jeon jeongguk."

the man offers his free hand to the two to which heeseung responds to with a shy bow.

"heeseung, sir."

"ki--- sunoo."

sunoo corrects himself before he can say his surname, reminding himself that they're supposed to be brothers and they have no idea what the beomgyu boy's surname is.

he shyly grabs jeongguk's awaiting hand, leaving him with tinted pink cheeks.

"it's very nice to meet you two and we appreciate you accompanying your brother. we'll get going now. i hope you two enjoy the party."

the two politely bow as the couple excuse themselves.

"i clearly said we have a brother and you point to a girl, sunoo?" heeseung fake scolds because an amused smile is on his face.

sunoo flushes red.  
"sorry! i was preoccupied..."

"with what? staring at mister jeongguk's eyes?"

"nevermind that. what now?"

heeseung answers him with a shrug.  
"the hard part is over so i guess we should, as they said, 'enjoy the party'." he states, adding air quotes.

sunoo widens his eyes in question of his vague answer.  
"how?"

"how? there is no 'how' to having fun. you just do." heeseung grins.

"hello, kids!"

sunoo and heeseung turn around, eyes meeting with the cheerful ones of a man with a full-on powdered face and round red nose.

squeals and shrieks fill the venue as the kids run away from the clowns pretending to chase them. some are full on sprinting around the room while the others are hiding behind the elders.

two pairs of round eyes look up to heeseung as he checks who was tugging at his pants. at the same time, sunoo feels a little boy beside him, grabbing his hand.

heeseung turns the two kids around and looks at the name tags in their small backpacks that doesn't seem to have any content inside for its size.

_hueningkai_

_kang taehyun_

"ahjussi, let us hide here please." says the boy named taehyun, lips protruded as he pleads to heeseung.

"we don't like the clowns." adds hueningkai. the little boy's voice breaks and heeseung notices the slightly teary eyed expression he has on.

sunoo, on the other hand, is dealing with the extreme grip the little boy has on his hand. it's not like he wants to let go of the kid but it hurts.  
"hey, i'm sunoo-hyung. what's your name?"

"s-soobin."

"soobin?"

the boy nods, eyes intently focused on the teenager's. sunoo can see how unhappy he looks despite the loud cheer surrounding them.  
he struggles not to wince when the boy tightens his hold on his hand as he crouches down to his level.

bonding with his cousins has granted sunoo knowledge that when a child is down, you don't ask them why they're sad or they'll get sadder. instead, you've got to let them say it and do what they want. sometimes, it makes them happier if you join them.  
"soobin-ah, what do you want to do?"

little soobin pouts in thought.  
"i don't want to play with the clowns and other kids. i want to paint my face."

"oh. where can you paint your face?"

"there. there is a nice lady who paints faces but i want to do it myself but i'm too shy..." soobin points a chubby finger to a small booth just near the snacks table where a small line is formed.

a gentle smile appears on sunoo's face at the little boy's statement.  
"don't worry. sunoo-hyung will help you paint your face yourself, okay?"  
he assures the boy, reaching a hand to poke the boy's cheek. his little action causes soobin to grin, showing a set of cute dimples.

"let's go." he stands up and smiles when he feels the grip soobin has loosen.

the two of them are about to go to the booth when he sees heeseung and can't help but find the sight in front of him amusing.

"i want to get on the ahjussi's back!"

"but you're too heavy. let me do it!"

"what about no one just gets on my back so ahjussi won't get back pain and our lives will be easier?" heeseung offers to solve the problem, patting two little boys on either side of him on the shoulder.

the shorter one of the two, the one with very round eyes, shakes his head frantically.  
"no! someone has to and i'm doing it!"

"that is unfair!" the other boy says, crossing his arms.

"hyuka is right. it is unfair, right? so, let's settle this fair and square with rock, paper and scissors!" pride coats heeseung's tone and sunoo sees that childish glee in his eyes once more. if it weren't for the huge gap in height between him and the two little boys, one may mistake him for a child and not a teen.

the two little boys comply and settle their argument with rock, paper, and scissors.  
the little boy, hyuka, wins the game and there is visible joy on his cute face. the shorter boy only pouts in obvious disappointment.

"is it okay if i hold your hand then, taehyunie?" heeseung asks with a comforting smile at the upset boy.  
taehyun's expression lightens a little and he nods enthusiastically.

sunoo finds himself softly smiling at the interaction, his attention trained on the gentle way heeseung talks to the boy.

he only remembers what he originally was going to do when soobin squeezes his hand.  
"sunoo-hyung~"

"right, sorry." sunoo sends an apologetic smile to him.  
"heeseung-ss--- i mean, hyung!"

the older boy hums in response and sunoo swears his stomach churned a little when heeseung looked at him.

"what is it?"

"soobin and i are just going to get our faces painted. would you keep an eye on our beomgyu?" he adds the last statement for effect.

understanding fills heeseung's face and he smiles, nodding.  
"sure. have fun!"

"we will."

when they arrived at the booth, the queue has thankfully decreased so it didn't take long for their turn to come.

sunoo asked permission from the lady at the booth to do the painting themselves, sharing a glance with the anxious little boy.

to their relief, the lady complies, providing the two with a set of washable paint that they promise to return.

sunoo giggles at how giddy soobin looks at the sight of the paint.  
"i told you we can do it."

"can i paint my face now?" soobin asks, visibly vibrating at the spot.

sunoo nods with a chuckle, offering the set of paint to the little boy. the two of them settle on a vacant table near the booth.

as sunoo watched over soobin painting his face, he lets his eyes scan the room. some little kids are already eating while the others are playing with their guardians just a few feet away, keeping an eye on them.

he spots heeseung pretend fighting with hyuka, taehyun and now beomgyu. the three little boys have ganged up on the older boy and jumped on him simultaneously.

"hey, hey, aah!" heeseung exclaims when he falls down with hyuka tugging at his hair and taehyun pulling at his feet as beomgyu laughs at him.

an amused laugh comes out of sunoo too as heeseung struggles against the weight of three children on top of him. despite the slight disadvantage he's in, heeseung is laughing and smiling so wide, his cheeks are full on blushing.

sunoo realizes that this is the happiest he's seen the older and he admits that happiness is a good look on him.

a fond smile comes to his face.

"sunoo-hyung, i'm done."  
his attention moves back to the little boy with him.

"wow! that's..."  
sunoo grimaces a little when he sees soobin's eyes painted around with a green hue. he looks like a frog.  
"creative."

chuckling, he crouches down to the younger boy's height and gently rubs the smudges on soobin's chubby cheeks.

"thank you hyung-ie."

"you're welcome."

"let me paint your face too!"

before the older could protest, he is pushed to the kiddie chair where soobin was sitting on earlier.

sunoo shivers when he feels the wet and cold brush coming in contact with his forehead as soobin holds his hair up with his small hand while the other paints sunoo's face.

a few minutes pass and sunoo's feet is starting to numb while his neck is slightly aching due to being in the same position for long.

he feels relieved when soobin moves away from him with a toothy grin as he examines his work.

"tada!"

sunoo expects the worst when he fishes out his phone to use it as a mirror. a deformed version of todoroki is on his mind, feeling the paint cool near his eye.

what he didn't expect is a slightly messy depiction of a rainbow half across his forehead, stopping just beside his eye. sunoo smiles at how the rainbow compliments the 'fox' shape his eye has.

"wah! soobin-ah is so artistic!"  
sunoo praises the kid who only giggles and shyly hides his face behind his short arms.

a gasp full of awe has the two averting their attention towards the sound.  
"heeseung-hyung, i want that paint too but on my back."

heeseung shoots sunoo a look pleading for help as he gets dragged by the three little boys towards the table. sunoo only grins, both apologetic and enjoying the scene before him.

the helpless puppy expression heeseung is wearing morphs to a little unsarcastic smirk once they meet eyes.  
"that... that looks nice."

"thanks." sunoo makes an attempt to touch the paint consciously but thinks it's better not to do it.

"soobin-hyung, can you paint our face too?" hyuka plops down the ground beside soobin, a curious shine in his cheeky smile.

"uh..."

"do it on my back, pleaseeee..." beomgyu adds, appearing on the side opposite to hyuka with taehyun hovering.

soobin shyly nods, grabbing beomgyu's hand and leading him to one of the chairs.

a small, excited squeal escapes sunoo when an idea comes to his head.  
"hyung, you should get face painted too." he lightly touches heeseung's shoulder when he stands next to him to grab his attention.

the older immediately shakes his head, declining.  
"no, thanks. soobin-ah already has his hands full."

"then, i'll do it. come on." leaving no room for objections, sunoo swiftly takes heeseung's hand in his and snatches up a vacant chair for the older to sit on.

having borrowed paint from soobin, sunoo proceeds to dip the brush in water first.

he resists the urge to smirk at the displeasure in heeseung's stare when they meet eyes.  
"any requests?"

the older guy presses his lips to a thin line indifferently.  
"you decide. just make it small."

sunoo nods and briefly pauses in thought of the design he will paint.  
something that fits heeseung's features.

his train of thought momentarily gets sidetracked when he sees the cute pout occupying lee heeseung's face in his attempt at aegyo.  
"aren't you changing your mind?"

sunoo snorts at heeseung's small, aegyo voice. he then decides to use a mix of white and red paint, pouring a small amount of both to make a mixture.  
"as cute as you are right now, no."

the adorable expression immediately fades away from heeseung's face at his failure. sunoo notices his ear has turned quite a bit red and his eyes are moving about.

"ready?"

"if i tell you no, would it change anything?"

"no."

"then, yes."

heeseung slightly flinches when the cold brush makes contact with his cheek. sunoo mutters a small 'sorry' and proceeds to paint his face, completely focused.

_will my hands stop shaking so i can finish quickly?_

it didn't help that heeseung's gaze is fixed on him, making him feel conscious of every move he makes. sunoo never works best when eyes are on him and something in the tentative and searching gaze heeseung is giving him just works up all his nerves.

with great effort not to accidentally make a wrong stroke, sunoo finishes his work in a matter of less than 10 minutes though it felt longer than that.

"please tell me you didn't draw something inappropriate there."  
heeseung winces a little, making a move to touch his face but not until sunoo scolds him.

"see for yourself. soobin-ah, can i borrow the mirror? that looks cute, gyu. make sure to scrub it really gently when you get home, okay? yeah, that. can you pass it to me? thank you."

sunoo grabs the mirror and positions it in front of heeseung.

"really, a kiss mark?"

sunoo grins lopsidedly, fishing his phone out of his pocket again to take a picture of heeseung.

once done, he crouches beside the older so he can also get in the frame and takes another photo.

a tiny laugh escapes him upon seeing the outcome. heeseung looks taken aback in the photo, eyes widened like saucers. it gave an impression that he just got kissed without notice because of the face paint. but, _hey_ , that did happen.

the mc, who sunoo didn't know existed until now, suddenly appears and announces the start of games with an ear to ear smile. she is at the center of the room where everything is cleared for the purpose of activities.

every little kid in the room shouts yes and cheers, their already high energy multiplying. sunoo imagines the mess they would make and instinctively cringes.

the first game is musical chairs 'strictly for the kids' only. sunoo has a feeling that line was directed at his companion who was almost forced to join by his four little friends.

since they are not playing, sunoo decided to just watch. he occasionally takes pictures of the kids, grinning at the energy and joy each picture radiates.

he only gets pulled away from the camera on his phone when heeseung arrives back at the table, hands full with two plates.  
"hi."

"hi."

"i didn't know what you wanted so i got you one of everything." heeseung places one of the plates in front of sunoo gingerly.

the younger offers a shy, appreciative hum. it did not cross his mind that he was hungry until he saw the variety of food in his plate.  
"thanks, hyung."  
he starts to dig in, not noticing heeseung's curious eyes on him.

"did you take a lot of pictures?"  
heeseung asks as he also starts eating.

sunoo nods.  
"yep." he replies through a spoonful of seaweed soup.

"you've got seaweed on your face."  
points out heeseung, a smirk at the corner of his mouth.

red in the face, sunoo quickly wipes it away with the back of his hand.

he hears heeseung chuckle lightly, a not so mocking sound.

"can i see the photos you took?"

"i don't know. can you?" sunoo teases.

heeseung sighs, " _please_."

sunoo opens his photo gallery and shyly and not to mention, hesitantly, gives the phone to heeseung.

he didn't know why he allowed heeseung to see. only jungwon is able to since he's the only one who doesn't criticize his work.

"these are..." sunoo has lost all interest on the full plate. all he can focus on now is the slight furrow on heeseung's eyebrows and the way his lips has now formed to a small pout.

he just wishes he can read the older's mind right now and know just what he thinks as he scrolls through the pictures.

_is the lighting bad?_

_didn't i find hyuna's best angle?_

_do i really suck?_

"these are really good, sunoo. _wow._ "  
heeseung says in awe. sunoo wanted to contradict him and think that maybe he is lying yet there is something in the older's face and voice that is really sincere.

"beomgyu looks like he's floating here. ha." heeseung scoots closer to him to show him the picture he already saw because _he_ took it. sunoo doesn't tell him that and instead, looks at the picture again with newfound pride.

a smile settles on his face. it is a smile so wide it hurts but he just can't put away.

"i like how you took this one. you can see soobin's dimples clearly." heeseung points out and sunoo can't help but laugh though he can't really focus on what heeseung is talking about. his mind has been muddled with only heeseung's words registering in his head.

somebody likes his pictures.  
somebody does.

"you really..." he looks down at his feet, suddenly liking the view of the ground.  
"you really think they're good?"

heeseung nods yes.  
sunoo can't even comprehend just how happy that small gesture made him feel.

with a small, watery smile, he looks back at the photo.

_________________________________________

  
"hey, i think maybe we should go. wouldn't it be suspicious if whoever picks beomgyu up sees us pretending to be his brothers?"  
sunoo feels a tap in his shoulder and turns to look, seeing heeseung.

he frowns in thought, glancing quickly as the kids finish another game. his watch reads half past 7pm. they have been here for 3 hours now. maybe they should go.

sunoo nods in agreement, making a move to stand up but not before halting once he sees mrs. park again. it is not the lady that caught his attention but the gigantic cake being pushed behind her by the staff.

the cake stood about four feet tall, having three layers of white fondant.  
decorated around each layer are different fruit candies while on top sat a cute signage, 'happy birthday, hyuna' written on it. a variety of fruits surround the signage along with 3 purple candles.

sunoo wants to taste it, his sweet tooth taking over.  
"they're going to cut the cake now, though."

"sunoo-ah~" heeseung insists, impatiently gesturing towards the door with a tilt of the head.

the younger doesn't oblige.  
"heeseung-hyung~"  
whining, sunoo points to the cake hungrily. this is the biggest cake he has ever seen and he's not going to miss the opportunity to have a taste of it.

heeseung stares at him with that doe eyes of his lacking any relent. sunoo makes sure to put on the most amiable expression he can muster as he stares back.

"sunoo-hyung, let's eat cake!"  
their staredown is cut short when sunoo feels soobin's little hand grab him by the wrist and drag him towards the cake but not before he gives heeseung a mildly smug wink.

"i'll get you a slice, hyung!" sunoo calls out as he lets himself be dragged towards where the cake is.

a giggle escapes him when he hears heeseung grumble a 'whatever'.

a few minutes later, he and soobin make their way back to where heeseung is, who is talking to a pouty taehyun.

"heeseung-hyung, you're leaving already?" the little boy looks up to heeseung, sadness in those big eyes of his.

"yeah, bud. sunoo-hyung and i have somewhere to be." heeseung explains, sparing sunoo a brief glance across the table.

sunoo only nods, taking a bite of the fruit cake.

"sunoo-hyung, ah~" soobin opens his mouth to signify that he wanted to be spoon fed.

fondly smiling, sunoo scoops a piece of cake and feeds it to the little boy.  
"it's sweet, right?"  
the smile on his face widens when soobin nods giddily.

it's just a little disappointing that they wouldn't be seeing much of each other after this party. sunoo bets that sooner or later, him and heeseung-hyung would not be able to get close to any of the kids when their parents find out they were crashing the birthday party. still, if it weren't for them party crashing in the first place, they wouldn't be able to meet the little boys. it kind of sucks.

"sunoo-hyung?"

"yeah?"

"i wove you. even when you leave." soobin declares with his mouth still full with frosting. the little boy's eyes are widened at his hyung with pure, child-like admiration.

those three little words fill sunoo with warmth and he can't help but ruffle little soobin's hair affectionately.  
"i love you too, soobin-ah."

"heeseung-hyung!" beomgyu's whine is so loud it slightly resonates in the whole room. sunoo looks across the table where the three little boys are clinging onto heeseung, clearly not wanting to let go.

kids really do get attached easily. it's been approximately 180 minutes and they already treat you like family.

hueningkai is close to tears as he holds heeseung's hand. taehyun and beomgyu aren't doing much better. heeseung is trying his best to calm them from throwing a hysterical fit.

"don't cry, guys. it's not like i did much for you to like me already, right?" the older guy teases, squeezing hyuka's hand comfortingly.

"but, heeseung-hyung, you're the only one who lets us ride on your back."

"and the only boy who holds my hand!"

heeseung grins,  
"maybe because you haven't met someone yet who will let you ride on their back or hold your hand."

"but we love you already!"

the fact that kids have no problem saying those three simple, yet powerful, words fascinate sunoo. letting statements like that come out of the mouth can be regretful.

he bitterly scoffs a little upon a certain memory coming to his mind.

"sunoo-ah, are you finished with the cake?" he momentarily stops stabbing the sweet, which he didn't realize he was doing, to face heeseung.

the older raises an eyebrow, seemingly ready to go. his expectant expression slightly changes, concern and curiosity mixing.  
"what's with the frown?"

ever the one to always dodge questions related to his feelings, sunoo shakes his head dismissively.  
"let's go, hyung."

bidding goodbye to the four little boys and trying to leave inconspicuously seem to be difficult to do at the same time.  
the boys express their dislike of the two's departure too loudly for their convenience.

at some point after successfully prying hyuka's little hand from heeseung's and stopping beomgyu from crying, sunoo wishes he and heeseung can disappear into thin air when he spots mister jeongguk approaching them just before they open the door.

"sunoo-ssi, heeseung-ssi."

the two of them share a quick panicked look, no one daring to turn around and face the adult.

only when jeongguk calls their names again does sunoo gather the courage to spin around first to answer him. he tries his best to keep a calm and indifferent appearance.

"yes?" sunoo's eye twitches when he hears heeseung repress an almost inaudible snicker at the visible crack of his voice.

he mentally reminds himself to punch him later.

"are you two leaving already?"

"yes, sir."

"what about beomgyu?"

 _shoot._ they did not think of an excuse for that.

his grip on the string of balloons soobin had insisted he take tightens.

"an emergency came, sir..." sunoo begins, rather cautious. he has never been able to think properly when put under pressure but he has no choice but to improvise. heeseung seems to have nothing to add so he continues, making the excuse up as he goes.

"uh... about school."  
 _what do i say next? shit._

"there has been a problem with the research paper we're doing. one of our groupmates asked us to meet them." relief spreads through his stiff posture at heeseung's words.

"don't worry, though. our parents are on their way to take him home." jeongguk looks convinced by their excuse, his lips softening back from the frown he had.

"well, then. take care."

"thank you, sir. bye."  
the two teenagers did not waste time and made their way outside.

only when they're out of view from the place did sunoo release the breath he was holding. crashing that party is probably the most nervewracking thing yet.

he faces heeseung and the two of them simultaneously burst to giddy laughter.  
"we did it!"

despite his faded annoyance for the boy beside him, sunoo remembers to punch heeseung on the shoulder.

the action catches heeseung off guard and he exclaims in both surprise and pain.  
"what was that for?"

"for laughing awhile ago."

heeseung gives him a look of disbelief to which sunoo counters with a mock offended gasp. the sound escaping his lips has the two of them immersed again in excited giggles.

heeseung puffs out a breath of cold air, a contagious grin spreading to his cheeks.  
"that was the most fun i've had this year."

"it's only february, hyung." sunoo reminds him, briefly glancing at the gleeful expression his companion is wearing, and smiles.

heeseung shrugs, his mood still unbothered  
"even so! don't you think so?"

sunoo looks away when heeseung's eyes fall on him, pondering on his question. he's not going to lie. he did have fun playing with the kids and face painting. it is, compared to the first 36 days of the year, quite the most enjoyable.

remembering his picture getting complimented puts a small, almost unnoticeable smile on sunoo's face.  
"yeah. i guess it is."

"i would have spent more time with the kids but we'd be branded creeps once their parents realize we weren't invited." heeseung chuckles, the soft sound seemingly echoing in the almost empty street.

heeseung looked really comfortable playing with the kids. he was smiling the whole time they were there.

"you were so natural with them. i forgot you were that guy who can't even eat ice cream without throwing a tantrum!"

heeseung looks at him from the corner of his eye.  
"you're not letting that go, are you?"

shaking his head, sunoo smirks.  
"never."

his newfound hobby to tease his thursday companion certainly brings great amusement to sunoo and this bucket list may reveal to him ways he can do it.

"how did you even know there would be a party today, anyway?" sunoo inquires.

"i may have luckily overheard one of the party planners talk about it when i passed the place on my way to work."

"on your way to work?"

it is almost obvious that heeseung didn't mean to share about that from the subtle way his breath hitches. sunoo thinks he's not going to answer and feels relieved when he does.

"yeah. i work." heeseung reveals, shooting sunoo a small smile.  
"two or was it three jobs, i think?" he recalls, his forehead creasing.

this seemingly casual revelation reminds sunoo that he has a lot to know about heeseung. that day he discovered he was working at the bakeshop he frequently visits pushes its way to his thoughts. with this, he stays quiet as the older continues.

"i work at a coffee shop nearby, every monday, wednesday, and friday. and just recently, i acquired a job at the bakeshop... but you already knew that, didn't you, sunoo?"  
heeseung's face twists to form a simper as he throws sunoo a meaningful look.

"you turning tail and run is certainly hard to forget." this earns a light-hearted chuckle from heeseung and sunoo's eyes direct towards him.  
"why did you run anyway?"

there it is again. that flash of hesitation in heeseung's downcast eyes.

"my brother doesn't like it when i work."  
he kicks a pebble along the trail.  
"he thinks it's unnecessary with the money my parents earn.

he even scolded me a lot when he found out i was doing errands for those loan sharks last december."

 _so those punks were loan sharks._  
sunoo lets the information he's been eager to have sink in. now that he knows about it, he doesn't really know what to do with the information. one thing's for sure though, sunoo wants to know why lee heeseung works a lot of jobs, one even for loan sharks. _freaking loan sharks!_

yet asking about it seems to be difficult with how uncomfortable heeseung is. sunoo doesn't want that.

"i wouldn't blame him though. they are very dangerous people." he recalls one of the punks hitting heeseung at the back of the head and instinctively balls his fists.  
"you already got hurt back then, when that guy hit you."

heeseung presses his lips to a thin line.  
"well, they gave good money. i had no choice."

"they would take back that money from you since they're loan sharks."

"i didn't borrow money from them." muttered was that statement. it came out of heeseung's mouth so quickly and quietly that sunoo almost misses it.

he halts in his step and blocks heeseung's way, causing the older boy to stop as well and give him a bewildered look.

"i don't understand, hyung. why are you running errands for loan sharks if you didn't borrow money from them? how would that benefit you?"  
sunoo's voice is strained with utter confusion. he's not going to lie too that he is worried about what heeseung is doing.

to his complete surprise, heeseung chuckles. he actually chuckles.  
"are we going to really talk about my backstory now?" he quips, his face amused.

sunoo doesn't believe he's not taking this seriously.  
"heeseung-hyung." he warns, not having any time for jokes right now.

 _this is serious!_ heeseung is getting himself involved with extremely dangerous people. he can get hurt again.

there is still a hint of a smile on his face but heeseung is not as flippant as he is awhile ago.  
"i don't do errands for them anymore, sunoo. i stopped after the first time at the mall, if that's what you're curious about."

there is a finality in his voice that clearly told sunoo the conversation has come to an end. he doesn't want to talk about it any further.

looking at heeseung, sunoo feels like their relationship just went back to square one... yet at the same time, he can no longer say that year 3 class 3 heeseung; the golden boy; the school's athlete; the boy everybody wants to kiss is the same as the guy walking beside him. _no,_ this guy is something more than what he heard from every corner of the school.

heeseung's playful persona comes back and sunoo can see in his eyes that he is about to say something.  
"enough about me. what about you?"

_of course, he diverts the conversation to my life. classic move._

still, sunoo decides to humor him and his attempt in changing the subject.  
"are we going to talk about sunghoon-hyung again?"

"no... what makes you think that?"

"because that is the only thing that interests you about me." sunoo says as a matter of fact, his lips curling to a frown as he sags his shoulder tiredly.

"not anymore." heeseung defends, honest and sincere as he looks at sunoo in the eye.

sunoo immediately turns around and starts walking again to hide the blush that has certainly formed in his face.  
he can't believe he got flustered over something which may not mean more than intended.

he hears heeseung's footsteps follow him after a few seconds and he slows his pace until they're side by side again.

"so..." sunoo begins, trying his best to look and sound unbothered.  
"what do you want to talk about?"

heeseung smiles a little.  
"you seem to be into photography. the pictures you took looked too good to be something you never put any attention to."

warmth blooms in sunoo's chest at the flattering compliment.  
"you really think they're good? like, really, really good?" he checks, scrutinizing heeseung for any signs of deceit.

the older, in return, frowns at him.  
"you talk as if you're having a hard time believing it."

"i do." sunoo finds it how ironically easy it is for him to admit it.  
"people seem to think otherwise of what you said... jungwon is the only one who supports me and i guess it just isn't enough for me."

his dad thinks he is not a good enough photographer. his mom and sister, as much as sunoo loves them, don't really care about it. their opinions have led sunoo to hide his interest in photography from other people.

"and what do _you_ think, sunoo?" heeseung asks out of the blue, causing the both of them to halt.

"what?"  
a confused laugh.

"what do you think of your photos, you know, without being clouded by others' opinions?"

sunoo's throat goes dry. he can't seem to think of what to answer. he opens his mouth but he doesn't have anything to say. nothing at all.

heeseung only smiles knowingly, something that confuses him more.  
"guess you have to find that out."

sunoo stands there dumbfounded as heeseung starts to walk again. his eyes follow the golden boy, quizzically chuckling.  
"what is that supposed to mean?" he shouts at heeseung's back. he can't believe this guy. one moment he acts like a five year old then he goes around giving advices like he's lived for 100 years or something.

"lee heeseung, answer me!"

"kim sunoo, you were able to fool two adults that you were someone's brother. i'm sure you'll figure it out!" came heeseung's reply, his laughs being drowned out by the loud outside noise as they near the pedestrian lane.

"ah, this guy..." he clicks his tongue in incredulity yet his lips itched to a fond grin as he catches up to the older.

sunoo bumps heeseung slightly in a friendly gesture once he reaches him. heeseung only raises a bemused eyebrow that falls flat again and is replaced by a curious look.

"i've never done this." heeseung mutters, reaching for the balloon in sunoo's grasp. the younger, mildly confused, lets him take one of the two.

they halt in their steps towards the bus station as heeseung gingerly removes the balloon from its string.  
sunoo watches him silently.

he only realizes what heeseung is doing when the older makes a small hole on the balloon with his teeth. a chuckle reverberates in his chest when heeseung speaks, his voice induced with helium.

sunoo does the same with the remaining balloon on his hand, hands shaking from giddiness.

" _hello_. crap, i sound like jungwon!"

heeseung throws his head back as he bursts out laughing at sunoo. not long after, sunoo joins him, his eyes teary from laughing too hard.

passersby keep giving them looks yet the two teenagers are too immersed in their little world to notice or care.

even on the ride back home, sunoo would keep glancing at heeseung and whenever their eyes lock, heeseung just can't seem to stop from smiling. neither does sunoo.

the mood only slightly dampens when sunoo recalls their conversation about heeseung's work. heeseung wasn't too keen on talking about it but something tells sunoo that sooner or later, the topic will be brought up again.

he hopes that one day, when they're both courageous and comfortable enough, the two of them can cross the invisible line they have been tiptoeing in their accidental association.

"i guess this is my stop." heeseung announces a few minutes later, standing up from his seat.

sunoo opens his mouth to speak, feeling like saying a million words to him but not one escaped his mouth except for a meek   
"see you in 7 days."

"see you in 7 days."  
heeseung bids goodbye, his eyes looking everywhere but sunoo.

sunoo watches him walk away through the window, his gaze falling on the huge backpack on heeseung's back.

a realization dawns on him. a shocking yet pleasant realization, sunoo might add. never would he imagine this would happen nor would he be able to admit but he actually enjoys lee heeseung's company, even if it's just once a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mint boys getting along well and getting to know each other really is such an adorable thing to write
> 
> \+ child!txt minus yeonjun (he will come in future chapters dw 😙) and jikook making cameos was really fun too
> 
> p.s.  
> someone on twt said that mint boy's height difference is perfect for forehead kisses and i haven't stopped thinking about it ever since 🤭🤧


	12. Chapter 12

february 14, 2020

valentine's day. their school couldn't be filled more with anything of sorts that are colored red today.  
every direction he looks, he can see red pieces of paper. chocolates, cards, and flowers too.

sunoo himself got a few cards of his own from freshman girls. their admiration is certainly flattering but sunoo finds it awkward with their eyes burning through him as they give him the cards.

nevertheless, he still wore a bright, friendly smile though he badly wants to tell them that he's not interested in girls.

jungwon snickers from beside him as he unenthusiastically stuffs the sparkly and glittery cards to his bag.  
"what's the matter, _'kim sunoo-oppa from class 5'_? were you expecting someone else to give you a card?"

"what are you..."

his voice trails off as he catches a glimpse of lee heeseung at the other end of the hall.

"heeseungie, since it is our last year, maybe we can---"

"thank you for the chocolate, seon-hyung! my brother would love it."  
heeseung grabs the chocolate bar offered by the school's flirt in fake excitement. sunoo sees the dismay in seon's eyes at another failed attempt in wooing heeseung and can't resist the urge to snort a little.

turns out the sound he made is louder than he intended since it caught both heeseung and seon's attention. he considers turning to the other direction and run off in embarrassment but he and jungwon are already passing by the two.

sunoo tries to not meet eyes with heeseung who, he's almost a 100% sure, is chuckling in amusement at him. yet despite his insistence, their eyes lock for a brief second. heeseung almost raises his hand to wave but sunoo looks away before it can get suspicious.

he makes a beeline for the library and barges in, ignoring jungwon calling for him.  
once he got in, sunoo immediately gets a warning shush from the librarian and almost everyone's eyes are directed at him.

walking to the end of the library where they usually sit is like a walk of shame. it felt like his feet are made of lead. thankfully, he made it without falling in all fours.

he falls back on the chair and just sits there for a few moments, dwelling on the embarrassment he put himself into. he just hopes no one else witnessed that or rumors would possibly spread.

"what was that about, hyung?" hisses jungwon when he takes the seat across sunoo's. irritation covered his features as he gives sunoo his signature eyebrow raise.

before he answers, sunoo makes a quick survey of the library for any signs of eavesdropping.  
"nothing. i was embarrassed that i accidentally overheard what they were talking about and laughed."

jungwon hums in understanding, taking his textbooks out of the bag.  
"lee heeseung was looking at you like he knew you."

"maybe he does. he visited my house to return my pouch, remember?"  
sunoo lies through his teeth, focusing on finding his pen and making sure he doesn't look at jungwon in the eye.

jungwon hums again. _not a good sign._

sunoo quickly dodges the topic when he finally found his pen.  
"are your notes completed? i think i may have lost the one on linear functions."

he tries to mask his emotions as he looks jungwon in the eye. if he didn't, jungwon would know he's definitely lying. maintaining eye contact when said guy is burning holes through him is without a doubt a tough decision but sunoo isn't going to curl up and break.

"i have them, hyung." jungwon then replies, seemingly letting go of the conversation. sunoo internally sighs in relief, a small, bare smile coming to his face.

the two of them silently look over their notes for the upcoming final examinations next wednesday. sunoo makes sure to study hard so they can move through them easily and be able to finish school the following week. school has been hectic these days and besides that, he still has a lot of worries like hiding his and heeseung's agreement and sunghoon's dubious behavior. finishing school this year would lessen the stress.

"excuse me." an unfamiliar voice breaks the quiet that fell upon the two bestfriends.

jungwon looks up first and sees cho kyungmin, a student the same year as them.  
"ah, kyungmin-ssi..."

hearing his bestfriend speak pulls sunoo out of his intense concentration in memorizing the periodic table.  
he tears his eyes away from his sheet and to the guy he only notices now is standing by their area.

kyungmin bows a little politely.  
"sorry for the disturbance but are you kim sunoo?"

surprised, sunoo opts to just nod wordlessly, exchanging a brief look with jungwon. why on earth is cho kyungmin looking for him?

"as you all know, our student council's photographer is graduating this year and we were considering your want to take the position."

"sunoo-hyung, that's..." jungwon gives sunoo an excited look, his eyes twinkling.

sunoo can't say he feels the same enthusiasm. in fact, he doesn't even know what to feel at all. he can't process yet what cho kyungmin has said.

"me?" sunoo looks to jungwon for clarification and the younger only nods eagerly.  
"uh... i don't understand. how did you know i take pictures?"

kyungmin frowns. "weren't you the one who sent the pictures you took to our office?"

confused, sunoo's grip on the pen loosens, causing it to fall from his hand.  
"i never sent any of my photos to the..."

he pauses when a memory from yesterday's meeting resurfaces in his mind. heeseung asked to borrow his phone because he claims his phone battery died in the middle of their mini foodtrip. after a short useless banter, sunoo gave it to him.

putting two and two together, sunoo bites his lip in both frustration and disbelief.

_heeseung-hyung, you really do what you please._

"sunoo-ssi?" kyungmin calls again, his voice having the slightest hint of impatience.

"i... umm..."

"he'll take it!" jungwon exclaims, earning him an irate shush from the librarian yet he paid no mind to her.

sunoo's gaze darts towards jungwon in protest. he's not even sure he would be able to fulfill the job of a photographer yet. he's not ready! getting this job and setting people up for disappointment isn't really what he wants to do.

"great! can you just stop over later at the student council office to fill up some papers?" kyungmin asks, his lips forming to a bunny smile.

a dumbfounded nod is what sunoo can give and not long after, kyungmin disappears out of the library.

he almost crosses the whole table upon leaning towards jungwon, hissing.  
"jungwon, you shouldn't have said yes!"

"sunoo-hyung, if i hadn't then you'd be wasting a huge opportunity that can help boost your resume in college."

"when did i say i am---"

jungwon fixes him with a pointed finger, his gaze steady and unnervingly... disappointed.  
"i saw it on your face. you were thinking of backing out even though you still haven't tried it."

sunoo pales at the statement because deep down, he knows jungwon is right. he would have said no and he'd be stuck self-deprecating about his skills in photography.

jungwon continues 'scolding' him, his voice taking on an authoritative tone.  
"you are still applying for a photography course, right? you told me so before."

"of course."

no. not really... he doesn't know. he's not sure. he had always known that he still has a lot to work on in terms of his skills and that didn't stop him before from wanting to take up photography. in fact, sunoo had been determined to polish and perfect them in college. but his father's clear disapproval and distrust on him has quite succeeded in waning his confidence in himself. he isn't really sure if he still wants to be a photographer.

but then, jungwon supports him still.  
heeseung too, probably, since sunoo is certain that he's the one to send in the photos. sunoo may have to punch him then thank him for that.

his confidence isn't at the highest yet it is a comfort that two people are rooting for him.

"i have got to thank whoever sent the pictures." jungwon muses and sunoo blinks at him. jungwon, once again, has that suspicious expression on, eyes thoroughly examining sunoo for any signs of whatever it is he's looking for.

sunoo grumbles, going back to his periodic table. it's harder to focus now on studying when he finds his thoughts drifting a lot towards the awaiting papers on the student council office.

"hey, sunoo?"

a frustrated groan pushes its way out of him at yet another interruption in his studies. he intentionally drops his pen in a harsh manner and rolls his eyes.  
"what is it..." the passive aggresive statement he thinks of dies in his lips before he can even say them when he sees sunghoon standing there.

sunghoon grins, his cute little fangs showing.  
"am i disturbing you?"

sunoo wants to say both yes and no and he contemplates what to say which he admits is hard under sunghoon's gaze.  
he isn't able to answer because yet again, jungwon is beating him to it.

he only tries his best to give sunghoon his best smile as jungwon talks for the two of them.

"what brings you here, sunghoon-hyung?"

"well, i sent sunoo a text and he isn't replying so i came here to tell you guys in person."

jungwon doesn't even try to be discreet as he throws sunoo a meaningful smirk, mouthing,  
"you guys are texting?"

sunoo pointedly ignores him and laughs his way past the air of awkwardness that fell. sunghoon just chuckles but sunoo sees he's become uncomfortable. his reaction may have stung sunoo, just a little. or maybe a lot.

"sorry, hyung. i put my phone in silent mode to study." he explains, breaking eye contact as he feels his heart pang.  
"what is it that you wanted to say?"

sunghoon clears his throat quietly.  
"jake and i were wondering if you guys wanted to hang out with us after school."

sunoo considers declining because believe it or not, he doesn't really want to be around sunghoon especially since he's been cautious of the older's motives. but then again, sunoo is in no place to judge sunghoon so harshly. the guy himself came here to invite them. he is not going to lie that a little part of him, the one hopelessly crushing on sunghoon, is happy about this.

"sure, hyung." he offers a faint grin, the smile not quite reaching his eyes.

sunghoon nods amicably before he turns to jungwon who has been observing the interaction of the two with a cocked head.  
"jungwon, you can bring your boyfriend too if you'd like."

jungwon stays silent for a few seconds, his eyes thoughtfully looking at sunoo who has turned to fiddling with the pen in his hand.

only when the silence drags on does he answer sunghoon, removing his eyes from his bestfriend.  
"it's valentine's day, sunghoon-hyung. i'm pretty sure it would benefit us all if ni-ki and i don't go."   
he and sunghoon both chuckle at that while sunoo shoots jungwon a panicked look to which the younger replies with a wink.

 _i can't hang out with just jake and sunghoon! and on valentine's day?!_ _it will be torturous!_

sunoo resorts to silent pleading, coaxing jungwon to look at him and change his mind. of course, his bestfriend doesn't waver even when he pulls on the best puppy eyes he can muster.

"thanks for the offer but i'll pass."  
jungwon apologetically says.

sunghoon waves it off with an understanding nod.  
"it's okay. maybe next time."  
sunghoon's attention goes back to sunoo. sunoo refuses to meet anyone's eyes, feeling annoyed at jungwon.

"i'll text you where to meet then, sunoo. see you later."

despite not having the energy to, sunoo smiles rather tightly.  
"i'll see you later, hyung."

"someone is really lucky today." jungwon remarks once sunghoon is gone, his voice both hinting and playful. sunoo only shakes his head dismissively.

by the end of the class, sunoo thinks he has grown white hair with all the worrying he did. two things have been bugging him consistently today, the photographer position and the hangout.

despite his hesitation about taking it, sunoo had impelled himself to go to the student council and fill up the requirements he needed. it had been a simple action yet it felt like something has changed because of this opportunity.

the only thing that he has to overcome today now is hanging out with jake and sunghoon.

he nervously looks at the message sunghoon sent him, telling him to meet up at a bowling alley that takes one short ride in the bus to reach.

resigned, sunoo starts to make his way to the bus. when he got on, he realizes that he's been looking too negatively at things. he's going to be hanging out with park sunghoon. the park sunghoon he's been crushing on since last year. maybe jungwon was right. maybe he really is lucky today.

his journey to the bowling alley took up 20 minutes of his time and by 4:45 pm, he can see it within view. a lump forms in his throat and an undeniable feeling of anxiety settles in his stomach.

"sunoo!" sunoo's heart leaps to his throat when he spots sunghoon waiting by the entrance. sunghoon waves at him slightly as he nears him.

no jake. jake is nowhere to be found. that is the first thing sunoo notices and he couldn't be more frustrated. he assures himself jake might have gone to the restroom or he's late. _yeah, probably that._

"hi." greets sunghoon, a small smile playing on his lips. sunoo returns the smile bashfully, feeling the heat creep up to his cheeks.

"jake bailed. something about his dog, layla. so i guess it's just us."

 _oh my god._ sunoo tries to look calm and indifferent while his head is screaming in different languages at whoever decided to let this day work like this. he has a pretty good guess who was behind it all. he takes note to give jungwon a well deserved flick on the forehead when he sees him again.

even when they have entered the bowling alley, sunoo can't seem to grasp that it's just him and sunghoon. last year's sunoo might have jumped in joy but he didn't have suspicions about his crush before.

"do you know how to play, sunoo?"  
sunghoon makes conversation while they wait at the cashier booth. sunoo nods, "i play a little." his dad took him bowling 2 years ago and needless to say, he didn't continue and improve because he'd rather watch than play.

"good, 'cause i don't. jake promised to teach me but he bailed." sunghoon explains in a timid fashion, his hand reaching up to run through his hair.

sunoo's heart thumps against his chest loudly in what he considers is nervous excitement when he and sunghoon make their way to one of the bowling lanes.

"sunoo?" sunoo hums in query upon sunghoon calling his name. when sunghoon doesn't respond, sunoo looks up from his bag that he's putting on one of the tables to where sunghoon is looking at.

there have been a lot of shockers for sunoo today but he thinks nothing can beat seeing park jay and lee heeseung on the farther right of the bowling alley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...
> 
> no sunseung much in this chapter sorry 🤪🙃
> 
> but!
> 
> the next chapter will definitely make up for it 👀


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miss sunseung :(

february 14, 2020

heeseung and jay do not notice the two of them since they seem to be deep into conversation. jay has his back to them so sunoo can only see heeseung. his lips are pursed in concentration as he occasionally nods at whatever jay is saying.

sunoo ought to look away from them to respect their privacy but sunghoon thinks of it otherwise. he just keeps peering at the oblivious pair. his eyes have hardened and his muscles tensed with a look sunoo recognises as a mess of anger, longing, and jealousy.

sunoo's gaze moves to the floor as his chest suddenly feels heavy and overwhelmed. he feels like giving up on his plan to make sunghoon like him back.

then, the sadness that rushed to him is quickly replaced by irritable determination that reminds him that regardless of his feelings for sunghoon, the two of them are hanging out. they are supposed to be having a good time.

"sunghoon-hyung." he calls to his companion. sunghoon doesn't hear him. sunoo takes a sharp breath and repeats it, raising his voice and stressing his words.

sunoo ponders that either heeseung has sharp hearing or he has a problem with keeping his voice down because for the second time of the day, sunoo, without intention, catches heeseung's attention.

heeseung's eyes leave jay's profile and meet sunoo's wide ones, his own doe eyes widening at the sight before him.  
obviously, heeseung's action doesn't go unnoticed by jay who looks over by his shoulder to see them.

park jay has always been considered a scary person but to sunoo's surprise, there are no signs of that aggressive loner the school treats like the plague. his normally stormy gaze is unguarded and fragile while dark circles littered under his eyes. jay's reaction to seeing sunoo and sunghoon is more reserved than heeseung's apparent surprise but there is still a subtle change in his expression. funnily, sunoo finds the look on his face similar to what sunghoon is wearing. _what are these two on about?_

the friendly, carefree and lighthearted vibe heeseung usually emanates isn't present when he suddenly stands up from his seat and makes his way towards them. his eyebrows are furrowed as he scans sunghoon with eyes that are obviously wary and confused.

then, his gaze moves to sunoo, softening to a stare he cannot quite put a finger in. whatever it is, it sent a weird tingle down his spine. he brushes off the feeling when he meets eyes with jay and regrets doing so. the guy is staring at him like he spit on his ancestors' grave.

"sunghoon, kim sunoo-ssi." heeseung breaks the deafening silence, breaking to a friendly smile.

"you know him?" sunghoon asks.

sunoo silently anticipates whatever heeseung's answer may be. he sets his eyes on the older but heeseung does not reciprocate.

"of course. i cannot really not know about the pretty boy they talk about in class 5. plus, we've talked briefly before."

only after the words left his mouth does heeseung look back at sunoo. their eyes connect and there is a hint of humor in heeseung's doe eyes. it may have prompt sunoo's lips to twitch in addition to the faint blush he's wearing.

"i didn't know you were coming here." sunghoon states, a ghost of a smile on his lips. sunoo remains silent beside him, reminding himself that he is not supposed to act like heeseung is his friend. still, he cannot stop himself from glancing at heeseung from time to time.

heeseung breaks to another grin,  
"neither did i. i did not know you two know each other."  
despite the friendly approach, there is an edge to heeseung's tone. his words are insinuating something that though intended to only hit sunghoon, sunoo gets too.

"sunoo and i knew each other from last year and we're bonding again." sunghoon's tone was curt but his face still holds a harmless facade. the sudden change in his demeanor surprises sunoo and from the looks of it, heeseung as well.

" _oh._ that's nice. _jay_ and i were doing the same but you know, we're just leaving. happy valentine's day."

heeseung gives them another smile --- sunoo notices it doesn't quite reach his eyes --- and is about to turn on his heel until jay interrupts with a firm " _no._ "

the boy saunters to the three of them with calm and unbreaking stature. he doesn't look like the vulnerable looking guy a few moments ago.  
"heeseung-hyung and i actually just came here. now, if you wouldn't mind, we'll start playing."

sunoo can't hide his surprise when jay snakes a hand around heeseung's wrist, clinging onto him. heeseung himself did not expect that but jay didn't pay him any mind.

sunoo steals a look at sunghoon whose eyes are glued on jay and heeseung's interlocked arms. he feels a slight pang in his chest, one he ignores.

since it looks like sunghoon is in no way going to answer, sunoo takes the initiative.  
"it was nice meeting you." he jots a thumb to the back.  
"we'll be playing now as well."

heeseung is probably having a field day as sunoo knows he will tease him non-stop when they meet again. he'd skip to that part of his life if that were possible.

"actually," three pairs of eyes look to sunghoon. he meets none of them.  
"since we are all here and we're friends, why don't we just stick together?"

_what are you playing at, sunghoon-hyung?_

heeseung looks confused as heck, his eyebrows scrunched too much sunoo is convinced permanent lines will form.

jay, on the other hand...

"yeah, sure. great idea, sunghoon."  
jay speaks for the three of them, taking both heeseung and sunoo by surprise.

heeseung and sunoo's eyes meet in the middle of it all and they both become aware they are stepping onto something only jay and sunghoon know.

sunoo wants to go home.

"are you fine with it, hyung, sunoo-ssi?"  
jay looks directly at sunoo, making him gulp from the scathing expression on his face.

sunoo really would like it if he can go home now.

yet despite the extreme desire to scram, sunoo makes the mistake of looking at heeseung in the eye and the thought of leaving him with jay and sunghoon, well, it would not make sunoo feel any comfortable at all in the confines of his home and the warmth of his bed.

so, he nods and boy, he can pinpoint the exact moment he hears the imaginary bang of the drum in the background that indicates he just entered the lion's den.

"i guess i'll just grab our stuff and move them here."

heeseung pats jay's arm and deliberately removes himself from his grasp. the two share a meaningful look before heeseung is getting on his way to grab their things that were abandoned at their spot earlier.

sunoo shifts in his feet, eyes scanning for a space he can sit on. he contemplates if he would rather suffer quietly beside jay on the left side of the bench or suffer more as his conscience and jay give him hell when he sits next to sunghoon on the opposite side. he knows he has nothing to worry about. the two have broken up but sunoo is still guilty of his attempt to kiss sunghoon back at the new year's party.

he wonders what he got himself into and he wishes this was just a dream. a way too realistic and morbid dream.

bowling with jay, sunghoon, and heeseung? on valentine's day?

what was he thinking?

however, heeseung's presence is a huge assurance and a part of him is slightly relieved there are four of them because he may not admit it to himself but being alone with sunghoon isn't as appealing to sunoo as before.

"ja--- uh... sunoo, come sit next to me."  
sunghoon beckons sunoo, moving to the side and making space for the smaller boy to sit on.

sunoo sees jay, from the corner of his eye, shift in his 'relaxed' position and quickly glance at sunghoon.

sunghoon's eye twitches.

nope. sunoo would very much prefer to keep standing than put himself between the two. it'll be like a living hell for him.

"sunoo-ssi." sunoo's hand raises to his chest, his heart beating rather quickly, when jay calls his attention.

"what? uh, i mean, yes?" sunoo trips over his own words, his tongue tied into nervous knots. he glances towards where heeseung is taking his time and wishes he will hurry up.

jay raises an inquisitive eyebrow.  
"you seem tense and... kinda pale. maybe you should sit. i don't bite."

"jay." sunghoon chides and for the first time, faces jay instead of acting like a horse with blinders. jay barks out an offended laugh at him. "what? i didn't do anything, sunghoon."

"stop being mean."

"i was trying to be nice. you're the one being mean to me."

sunghoon fixes him with a look that immediately has jay shutting up but there is a hint of a smirk playing in his mouth.

"you were never good with strangers."  
sunghoon recalls. though he's meant to scold the other boy, his voice is tinged with fondness sunoo has never heard him use before. it didn't look like the two of them were ignoring each other awhile ago from how easy and playful they are bantering now.

something similar to this scene flashes in sunoo's mind. the snark and bite in their conversations that disguise the flirting. the fondness hidden behind snide comments and annoyed rolls of the eyes.

that night of december 8, the year of 2018 is even further proof that these two act like it but they are far away from despising each other's guts. it was almost exactly like this. the looks on jay and sunghoon's faces, their obliviousness to the world, to sunoo standing there.  
even the hurt and jealousy didn't change from sunoo's side. this is exactly how he remembers it, watching how dysfunctionally matching the two of them are.

he can feel his chest constricting and his sweat running cold. stay in their presence any longer and sunoo would be close to lashing out so with a muttered excuse, he tears his gaze from them and moves his feet. in his haste, sunoo bumps to heeseung rather hard enough that he drops his and jay's bags.

"sunoo?" heeseung whispers his name, his hand grabbing sunoo's slightly shaky ones to support him and keep him from tumbling to the ground. the warmth of his hand provides sunoo with a sense of ease that disappears as quick as it came when he tugs his hands free from heeseung's. he ignores everyone as he rushes to the restroom, unaware of heeseung's eyes trailing after his retreating figure and the burning look heeseung sends to the two boys on the couch.

the door slams shut behind him as he rushes to the sink, turning on the faucet and splashing icy cold water to his face. the cold sensation sends goosebumps running through his skin and sunoo shivers. taking deep and purposed breaths, sunoo focuses on calming himself. then, for a whole minute, he just stands there and looks at himself in the mirror. he grips the sink.

_maybe i should really go home._

he is itching to leave but sunoo feels bad ditching sunghoon though he's not really sure the boy wouldn't mind with jay being there. _and heeseung!_ sunoo cannot possibly leave heeseung there. especially not when the reason is he's jealous about someone who is not his. sunoo would not be that easy.

looking at the mirror, eyes and face bare and full of emotion stare back at him. he isn't going to let himself go back there looking like this so he fixes himself up a little. then, with a final nod, he straightens his back and pushes the door open.

he is immediately met with heeseung leaning against the wall, seemingly waiting for him. when he hears the door open, heeseung's eyes shot up from the ground to meet sunoo's. as a response, sunoo breaks his gaze, suddenly conscious of himself and what his actions may have implied.

"are you okay?" heeseung asks, pushing himself off the wall to take a step towards sunoo. sunoo nods firmly, wondering if it is heeseung he's convincing or himself.  
"i'm fine but you shouldn't be here, hyung. they'll get suspicious."

he dares himself to look at heeseung's eyes and sees an unreadable expression in them. the look in the older's eyes slightly shifts as if he was stunned and caught in the act.  
"uh, _yeah_. of course."

"should i go back first or you?"

"no, you go first, hyung." sunoo is keen on avoiding a situation where it is just him, sunghoon, and jay.

heeseung nods in compliance but still stands there, unmoving. by now, the unreadable expression he wears has become profound. sunoo isn't sure what it means but it certainly reminds him of the way he looked at a wounded cat he once found by their porch.

he doesn't like it.

"why are you looking at me like that?" sunoo turns away from him, his voice strangled. "like what?" heeseung makes a bewildered sound, something that just riles sunoo up more.

sunoo presses his lips to a thin line. "you pity me, heeseung-hyung."

"i wasn't. i--- i was w---" heeseung opens his mouth to argue but thinks better of it and stops mid-sentence.

with a defeated sigh, he leaves sunoo and walks back to where sunghoon and jay are. sunoo's eyes linger on him for a while before they are looking to the ground he wishes would swallow him whole.

the tension that has been circulating the area seems to grow by a tenfold when sunoo arrives back, careful not to show any signs of discomfort in his stance.

heeseung's eyes find his yet again and sunoo is both relieved and bothered by the apathy visibly in them.

against his better judgment, sunoo chances a look at the two people on the bench. just a few minutes ago, the two have been engaged in friendly small talk but now, it seems like they're back to how they were before.

jay has his head turned to the side, jaw clenched. then, there's sunghoon who has his gaze downwards and now seems to be avoiding to look at jay.

heeseung unofficially takes on the role of the middleman, putting on an eager face that is distinct compared to the miserable air radiating from the other three.  
"i guess we'll start playing."

wordlessly, jay and sunghoon rise from the seat at the same time to play but jay beat sunghoon to the lane to the right first.

"heeseung-hyung, i'll teach you how to bowl." before heeseung can even protest, jay holds him by the wrist and leads him to where the balls are.

"i guess that leaves us the other lane." sunghoon remarks, shooting sunoo an indistinguishable smirk.

sunoo looks away from the two and flushes uncontrollably at that as he straightens.

"do you want me to teach you?" he utters warily, glancing at the two bestfriends.

heeseung is obviously struggling with holding the ball properly, receiving an amused and fond beratement from jay. the two share a merry laugh when heeseung gracelessly lets go of the ball and ends up hitting nothing from the pins.

"heeseung-hyung, you suck!"

"no such thing as bad student, only bad teacher!"

sunghoon also surveys the scene before them with passing frustration that dissipates to determination when he looks back at sunoo again. without a word, sunghoon takes two strides towards the bowling balls and raises a curious eyebrow at sunoo.  
"so, are we playing?"

sunoo tries his best to be composed for the most stressful bowling session in his life, even counting that time his dad didn't allow him to eat the food they ordered until he takes down at least one pin.

he can't help but look enviously at jay and heeseung, his eyes lingering on the cheery expression heeseung is wearing and a little part of him wishes he can play with him, them.

he should be happy he's having a chance to bond with the guy he's been crushing on but sunoo can't find it in himself to without that constant whisper in the back of his head that tells him something isn't right. something isn't genuine.

the thing is, that voice may be correct because even though he's the one teaching sunghoon, the one placing a hand on sunghoon's to fix his hold on the ball, and the one sunghoon is with; sunoo doesn't feel the guy is with him at all. rather, his mind is over there, by park jay's side.

jay can also laugh all he wants with heeseung but he can't convince sunoo he doesn't care. there is an unspeakable tension that radiates from the not so subtle glances he's sending towards sunghoon's way and to add, the withering gazes aimed at sunoo.

sunoo is sure the four of them are aware of it. of this game sunghoon and jay are playing. one that involves a lot of jealousy.

sunoo knows he's being used right now and he is tired of being dragged into whatever this is.

"i'm hungry. do you guys want anything?" sunghoon stomps his foot lightly after he fails to hit one pin due to a misstep. a misstep caused by jay hugging heeseung when the latter managed to score a strike.

"i'm craving for hotteok, actually." heeseung perks up, stepping away from the main strip.

"i don't think they have those, heeseung-hyu--- heeseung-ssi." sunoo can barely restrict his lips from stretching to a little smile when heeseung pouts slightly. _yes, the 19 year old pouts._  
"then, burger, fries, and orange juice, i guess."

"jay, what do you want?" sunghoon asks in the most nonchalant way he can muster. in response, jay shrugs.

"hotdog sandwich and chocolate milkshake it is, then. no mustard, right?"

jay doesn't say a word yet it didn't look like sunghoon needed him to. a bitter bile rises to sunoo's throat and it didn't help that again, heeseung's gaze catches his, that unreadable expression present. sunoo holds his stare for a second before eventually breaking it, letting go of the ball and watching it roll down the side gutter.

"sunoo-ah? what do you want?"

_since when was i 'sunoo-ah' to you?_

"mint choco ice cream will do, hyung."

"okay. i'll be back."

it didn't take long after sunghoon went to the snack bar for sunoo to tail along, his expression stern and decided. again, he doesn't notice heeseung worriedly watch him and jay slump down the seat, shoulders sagging.

"sunghoon-hyung." luckily for sunoo, he didn't have to repeat his words because sunghoon acknowledges him the first time. sunoo wouldn't be able to humor him without letting his tongue slip out a few biting words.

"i can manage, sunoo." explains sunghoon, sparing him a quick glance and turning back around towards the counter.

"i know. i just wanna talk."

"about?" sunghoon uninterestedly asks, not paying attention.

sunoo appears beside him, intently burning holes on sunghoon's side profile.  
"why are you talking to me, sunghoon-hyung?"

sunghoon looks at sunoo, chuckling in confusion.  
"i'm not sure i get what you mean."

sunoo's jaw clenches.  
"what the heck is all this? the last time we ever really talked is at your birthday party. that was more than a year ago, hyung. i know it was partly my fault for not making any move to talk to you after that night but you didn't do anything, sunghoon-hyung. then, you're suddenly talking and trying to get close with me? why?"

sunoo releases those pent up confusion and frustration in one breathing. he finds the emotional baggage he's been carrying slightly losing weight yet being replaced by the anticipation for the answer he is going to get from sunghoon.

sunghoon's interest has been piqued by his outburst and sunoo can see that he has a hard time thinking of what to say. his eyes are unfocused and he is wearing a blank expression.

so, sunoo voices out one suspicion he has. the one constantly bugging him.  
"is this about jay-ssi? you're trying to make him jealous by using me?"

sunghoon's eyes widen and he looks wounded by sunoo's statement.  
"what? no! i never meant to do that!"

"then, why are you doing this?" sunoo didn't care that their exchange of words is starting to attract a few people now. he just wants to know the truth even if it leads to him getting the bad end of things again.

"i am not as stupid as you might think, sunghoon-hyung. please tell me the truth."

sunghoon looks away from sunoo so he cannot see the look on his face.

"jay is leaving for college so he broke up with me at the new year's eve party. he said we have to move on because his dad is sending him to military school to ' _cure'_ him. and i tried to do it. i thought it was going to be easy but it's hard... and i can't. not when it is jay."

his words are quiet yet sunoo couldn't have heard them any louder. they resonate in his ears and prevent him from hearing anything but them.

"i suppose you think it would be easy because you know i like you, don't you?"

sunghoon does not respond and that gives sunoo his answer.

sunoo doesn't believe that one's heart can really break but at this moment, it feels like his did crack a little.

and park sunghoon did that. sunoo knows deep inside that he can never forgive him for it. sunoo had a fair share of mistakes in his life but he has enough respect for his self to know that he doesn't deserve this.

this isn't about sunghoon not returning sunoo's feelings. no, being rejected _again_ would have hurt less. this is about his lack of respect for it, for sunoo in general.

he cannot even find it in himself to feel sympathy for both jay and sunghoon. only spite. right now, it is his own self that he is focusing on and he is hurting because of the two.

"you're the worst." sunoo's voice is barely above a whisper yet he knows sunghoon heard it from the discernible flinch in his stance.

"i'm sorry, sunoo." those words fell to deaf ears.

sunoo doesn't even hesitate when he tears his burning gaze from who was once the object of his affections and walks away.

"sunoo?" heeseung pauses from playing when sunoo goes back to their area.

in a haste, sunoo grabs his bag and spares no one a glance. not even when heeseung is staring at him in concern and jay is standing up, eyes darting to the direction sunghoon is.

"what's wrong?"

"i'm leaving."

sunoo feels like sitting down and taking a moment for himself when he got out of the stuffy bowling alley. his chest feels like a throbbing wound, constricting and compressing alternately.

he sits at the pavement outside the bowling alley, head in his hands. funnily, he isn't close to tears. there is no wetness in his eyes. the only thing that signifies the extreme emotional pain he's been inflicted on is the desire to punch sunghoon in the face. make him feel the closest to a physical equivalence of what sunoo is going through right now.

he sits there alone in the pavement, the crickets being the only sound around, until he senses a presence beside him.

it's heeseung. of course it is him.

"you shouldn't be here, heeseung-hyung." sunoo croaks out, undaring to look him in the face.

he hears heeseung release a quiet sigh as he sits down too, causing sunoo to shift in his seat.  
"i don't think that is important right now, sunoo."

sunoo didn't know what heeseung came here for but he lets himself stay there. he finds that does not really mind heeseung's presence at all. not anymore. in a way, the boy serves as a small form of solace to sunoo. an anchor of sorts that is keeping the ugly emotions brewing in him from exploding.

the two of them are then engulfed in a silence that gave way to a thousand thoughts sunoo isn't welcome to having.

"did you know about this?" he asks, disrupting the quiet. he lifts his head and for the first time since he went outside, sees heeseung. the older wore a gentle look of concern as he meets sunoo's gaze.

heeseung shakes his head no.

"that time at the ice cream shop, you gave me sunghoon-hyung's number. wasn't that part of his plan?"

despite the clear and forward accusation sunoo throws at him, heeseung's expression doesn't change. no look of defense or guilt of doing it.

"i _did_ want to help you make the first move on sunghoon before, only because i assumed you like him back at the party. i didn't know of sunghoon's plan at all."

sunoo doesn't answer, contemplating on whether to believe what heeseung said or not.

"why did you even do it in the first place?" he speaks after a few beats of silence.

heeseung smiles consciously, hand reaching to rub his nape.  
"my brother always tells me that i can be too kind for my own good to the point that i tend to be meddlesome."

"your brother is right." sunoo counters, though without malice.

heeseung nods again.  
"and i apologize for that, sunoo. but i do want you to know that i had no intention of hurting you or anybody for that matter." heeseung explains to him, his face lacking insincerity.

sunoo purses his lips, "but i did get hurt. it wasn't your fault but..." sunoo sighs, "i did get hurt." he repeats to himself.

"that was a dick move but... sunghoon is a good guy."

sunoo scoffs a little, ignoring heeseung's statement. he isn't in the right state of mind now to see sunghoon in nothing more than a bad light.

"would you think of me badly if i tell you i don't really care about them right now?" he faces heeseung, questioning and needing of any sign of understanding from him.

"i really want to punch sunghoon in the face right now, heeseung-hyung."

"i would understand if you do but prefer if you don't. and _no._ no, i can never think of you badly, sunoo."

heeseung daringly locks their eyes together as an emotion passes in his bambi eyes, making them slightly flicker.

with the calming assurance of heeseung's words, sunoo looks away first, finally allowing himself to confront his selfish, self-absorbed, and pitiful thoughts.

he takes a deep breath, his eyes losing focus as he looks at his feet.

"after all this time, it was jay, wasn't it? him going to the library the day i first saw him and the following days was all for the sake of helping jay study. him rejecting me on his birthday party was because he likes jay. him talking to me again and using my feelings..."

sunoo's voice cracks, "it was all for jay."

if he had known this day will turn out like this, he would have chosen to spend valentine's day alone. but sunoo realizes he would rather be hurt than be ignorant.

and now he knows. he knows that a chance for him to get park sunghoon never existed. and never will be.

"and it sucks because even though i don't have any intention of pursuing him anymore, i still like him. a little bit." sunoo exhales, "maybe a little more."

the warmth from heeseung's hand as it sat atop sunoo's has his breath caught in his throat. sunoo looks at heeseung and he swears he has never seen someone look so gentle and comforting. heeseung looks like an angel as the light from the post shines behind him, giving him a halo.

"you know..." heeseung begins, rather timid. sunoo acknowledges him with a nod even though he may not see with his gaze trained downwards.  
"even voldemort had at least one person like him."

"huh?"

heeseung visibly panics at the stupefied look sunoo shoots him.  
"that was the worst analogy i can think of, sorry." he mutters in a hushed manner.

"you did not just compare me to voldemort." sunoo clicks his tongue in annoyance. here he was, going through an emotional turmoil, and heeseung compares him to a flat nosed, pale, teenager-obsessed, and creepy villain.

heeseung throws him an apologetic grin and fixes his gaze back on the ground. his hand leaves sunoo's.

"what i'm trying to say is that it may not feel like it right now but there is or there will be someone who will genuinely care for you." he glances at sunoo briefly, his doe eyes big and sincere.  
"you just need to keep your eyes open for them."

a miniscule smile appears on sunoo's face at heeseung's attempt, an interesting one he might add, to comfort him.  
"i swear our meetings rarely end without you providing free life advice."

"well, you rarely don't need them."

"hey!" heeseung yelps upon getting slapped by sunoo on the shoulder.

"where do you even get those, o wise man?" sasses sunoo, crossing his arms and raising a bemused eyebrow.

"netflix."

one second, sunoo is laughing then another, he's bursting into tears. hot, disgusting tears pooled in his eyes and then broke out of him like a dam.

sunoo feels heeseung grasp his hand again ever so gently and lets himself be pulled into him. he buries his face in the crook of heeseung's neck and cries.

he cries his heart out and damn it, it hurts. his chest is being torn open and then stitched back together again in a cycle of a twisted game he is forced to.

sunoo cries and cries and cries. his tears stain heeseung's collar and his hiccups fill the empty street. he cries and sobs until his throat hurts and his eyes are drained of tears.

he curses sunghoon and jay and himself and anything he can possibly blame.

he squeezes heeseung's hand roughly as his chest is filled with overwhelming phantom pain. yet the hurt, the more he releases in his sobs, the more it goes away and the more he feels better.

heeseung remains silent and unmoving the whole time. still, sunoo knows he's there from the comforting way he's rubbing circles on his hand and the steady pulse in his neck. the warmness of his body pressed against sunoo's keeps sunoo assured that he is not alone.

even when his sobs have decreased in sound and have been reduced to muffled whimpers, heeseung doesn't say a word but his mere presence tells sunoo that somehow, everything is going to be okay. and if it doesn't, he would still be there.

silence follows and they let it linger for awhile. there is an occasional roar of engines passing by and the sound of sunoo's ragged breathing.

"i want to go home." sunoo whispers after, tired.  
"i'll take you." heeseung offers and receives a shake of the head in return.

"thank you, heeseung-hyung." sunoo detaches himself from the warmth heeseung provides, his free hand reaching up to wipe his tear-stained cheeks.  
"but, i want to be alone."

"i'm really sorry about all this, sunoo. i would understand if you want to end our agreement and---"

"heeseung-hyung, you're getting ahead of yourself again." sunoo interrupts softly, allowing himself to smile a little at the older's tender nature.

"sorry." came heeseung's meek reply, darting his gaze away from sunoo.

sunoo makes a move to stand up, only realizing that their hands are still intertwined, and blinks.

he gently pries his hand from heeseung's, giving him a small smile.

he barely notices heeseung's eyes flit to their separated hands.

"uh, i'll see you around."

"are you sure you can go home yourself?"

"if it makes you feel better, i will keep you updated until i get home. sounds good?"

heeseung's shoulders relax, "good."

"sunoo?" at the sound of his name being called, sunoo stops in his tracks to look back at heeseung.

heeseung's eyes look like they want to say a lot of things yet the only ones that left his mouth is a well-meant take care.

"i will. bye."

with great difficulty, sunoo got himself to start walking towards the bus stop. his thoughts go back to what had occurred and he does not deny the fact that if it weren't for heeseung being there, it could have been worse.

still, he can't really say he's okay now. he's somehow in the middle of things, if you can call it.

he can't believe he came here with the thought that he'll get somewhere with sunghoon and ended up cutting all possible ties with him.

deep down though, a part of sunoo is relieved. he was always so confused whether his crush will turn to something more and now, he has certainly been enlightened. it is not going anywhere and somehow, he kind of knew it. he just wasn't sure of it before and he didn't want to be pessimistic.

it hurts and it will hurt for awhile but it is like a thorn to the foot. it hurts pulling it out but when it's gone, you feel light on your feet. better.

the distance between the two teens increase as night falls.

sunoo doesn't look back, eyes focused on the road.

heeseung does and he watches until sunoo's silhouette is swallowed by the dark and occasional flashing lights.

his eyes fall back on his hand, the one that held sunoo's and he closes it, feeling rather cold and wondering if the winter air is to be blamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are finally changing greatly whoo!


	14. Chapter 14

december 8, 2018

"sunoo-ah, jungwon is here."  
sunoo's older sister, eunjae, barges in his room.

a frown comes to her face --- almost a spitting image of sunoo's except that she got her father's eyes --- when she is welcomed by an empty room.

"sunoo?"

"noona, i don't think i can do this." sunoo comes out of the restroom, wearing the outfit they had specifically bought for the occasion. he fumbles with the suspenders he has on, looking nervous and white as a sheet.

eunjae sighs, walking over to her little brother. sunoo remains in his position, his gaze downward.  
"do you want to go?"

sunoo nods then shakes his head, plopping down the foot of his bed.  
"i just... i'm scared things will don't go the way i want to."

"hey, where's the positive sunoo that i know?" eunjae exclaims, pretending to knock on sunoo's forehead. in turn, sunoo laughs a little but doesn't say anything. it's hard to be positive in this situation right now.

"is this guy taken?"

"no."

"well, isn't he into boys?"

"he is."

"then, what has gotten you this uncertain?" eunjae crosses her arms as she takes a seat by sunoo.

sunoo ponders the question with a hum. a displeased frown forms from his lips upon remembering his and sunghoon's conversation about two weeks ago.

when he asked sunghoon why he always came to the library, sunoo realized he shouldn't have done so. his wishful thinking that there's a chance sunghoon can like him is stained with doubt when sunghoon told him he was there to help a guy study.

 _a very important guy_ , he might add. sunoo can't really brush away the look on sunghoon's face when he mentioned whoever that is.

"noona, he might like someone already." sunoo shares, disheartened.

" _oh._ i don't know what to do with that."

"noona, that's not helping at all." sunoo grumbles and whines, falling back down his mattress with an 'oof'.

why does this feel like he's playing a losing game?

"well, sunoo, you can't be sure about that. he hasn't explicitly mentioned that he likes someone else, has he?"

"no..."

"then go. take a chance." eunjae advises, nudging her brother affectionately.

"what's taking so long?" jungwon swings open the door. his face is twisted to an impatient frown as he leans against it.

"i just finished getting ready, jungwonie." sunoo rises from the bed and shares a quick glance with eunjae. eunjae gives him an assuring wink in response.

jungwon raises a curious eyebrow.  
"do you have the mistletoe we bought?"

"are we really pushing this?"

jungwon tilts his head in a mix of confusion and disbelief.  
"what? the plan on getting you a boyfriend? of course."

sunoo grimaces at the word boyfriend. of course, he likes sunghoon but the thought of him as his partner seemed blurry at some point. a fantasy.

"let's go. quit imagining sunghoon because by the end of this day, there's no need to imagine anymore."

throughout the whole ride, sunoo keeps glancing at his shoulder bag where the delicate plant is safely squeezed in. this is jungwon's idea and at the time they were talking about it, sunoo is eager and willing. now... he's not sure.

he quickly looks at jungwon. the younger boy would not take it lightly if sunoo backs out. sunoo knows he would only get scolded to death.

then, his sister's words push their way back to his thoughts. she has never been a perfect role model, eunjae, but sunoo has always looked up to her because she mostly knows things sunoo doesn't. he is sure his sister isn't setting him up for failure.

_take a chance._

so sunoo, with a determined nod to himself, ignores all his negative thoughts and unhelpful assumptions. he stores them in the deepest corner of his mind with a single mindset:  
to tell sunghoon about his crush on him.

his positive armor falters a little at the generous number of people inside the partyhouse shim jake rented for sunghoon, his bestfriend. the crowd, he has to admit, intimidates him and it didn't help that this is the first time he and jungwon are going to attend a party since middle school.

he takes a look at his red suspenders then at the more laidback outfits of anyone who passes him and realizes that he is fashionably overdresssed. he sticks out like a sore thumb.

still, sunoo keeps in mind the positive things he has, with great effort, listed on the way here.

 _1\. sunghoon never confirmed he likes someone else._ not really a strong statement but if sunoo ignores their conversation at the library, technically it makes sense. thing is, he has a hard time doing so but _hey_ , he's trying to be positive here.

there is also the fact that sunghoon never really showed an ounce of interest in sunoo. he blanches at that. he is supposed to be assuring himself yet he is able to find more reasons to think that this plan is a fail already.

sunoo shakes away the thought.

 _2_. _sunghoon might start to like him back if he confesses._ it sounds stupid but miracles can happen.

he has 2. 2 positive things. sunoo hopes they help him get through this.

"first party as a highschooler and by the end of it, there is a chance you'd have a boyfriend already." jungwon nudges sunoo encouragingly, a smile on his face. sunoo returns the smile half-heartedly, appreciating jungwon's effort to lift up his spirits.

jungwon then excuses himself to get the two of them drinks while sunoo opts to just stand by the wall overlooking the terrace. as a way to distract himself from the nerves, caused by sunghoon and the overwhelming energy of the party, sunoo takes a look around him.

"heeseung-oppa, i just ate a strawberry. do you want to taste it?"  
golden boy, lee heeseung almost topples over sunghoon's birthday gifts stacked on a long table as he backs away from yet another attempt to fool him into a kiss.

"i am sure it is sweet but i am sadly not craving anything sugary right now." sunoo smirks in amusement at heeseung humoring the freshman girl, who is clearly drunk, in a passive-aggressive manner. the comedic feel of the scene before him is sucked away by the pity he somehow has for the golden boy. it must be hard having to do this everyday and everywhere you go.

he tears his prying eyes away from heeseung when he spots a familiar face going down the stairs. sunoo's heart skips a beat as his gaze falls on sunghoon, looking as handsome as sunoo remembered.

the shoulder bag he carries suddenly feels two times heavier and he feels his throat tighten. before sunghoon notices he is looking, sunoo dashes to the nearest place he can go to, the kitchen.

he hovers above the kitchen counter and shuts his eyes as he focuses on regaining his breath.

he does not think he can go with the plan when he has seen sunghoon already. his instincts tell him to back off and forget about confessing to sunghoon but sunoo knows he wouldn't be able to get another chance. he would be too cowardly.

"time for the cake!" shim jake's voice resonates in the ground floor, stimulating merry and deafening cheers that just made sunoo even more nervous.

the people once crowding the kitchen flee towards the center of the house upon hearing the word 'cake'. sunoo regains his posture before his feet moves on his own, his mind a blur of worry and anticipation.

sunoo shakes his head as he rushes to join the crowd circulating the celebratory sweet and of course, park sunghoon. he tries to spot jungwon but he does not see his cat-eyed friend anywhere.

sunghoon has a nervous smile on at the amount of people looking at him yet it cannot be denied that he is happy as jake pats his back affectionately. his smile is so wide and sunoo has never seen him smile like that. it sends his heart somersaulting. _how can anyone be effortlessly good-looking?_

sunoo fishes out his phone as he admires the celebrant. the camera took its time focusing on the boy as sunoo snaps pictures of sunghoon's happy face while he is singing with the others and clapping his hands.

sunoo's expression changes as he watches sunghoon through the camera. his attention flickers to every feature sunghoon has. his eyes, his nose, his lips. every detail he goes over just seems to spur more butterflies in his stomach.

he has to really tell sunghoon. it is now or never.

it doesn't matter if he is doing it in a manner way off the plan jungwon had formulated. screw that mistletoe he has planned to kiss sunghoon under in. the only reason the two of them are going to kiss is of their own accord.

a fire of resolve bursts in the pit of his stomach and sunoo finds that it brought him a tinge of confidence he never knew he would have ever.

"sunghoon-hyung, happy birthday." sunoo approaches sunghoon with the most careful yet ill-advised steps ever as the crowd disperses to their own businesses again.

sunghoon gives him a thoughtful look before breaking to a small, uncertain smile.  
"sunoo. uh... hi."

a cold feeling rises up his nape. sunoo mentally braces himself for what could change his relationship with sunghoon permanently.

"can i talk to you, please?" the words surprisingly rolled off his tongue smoothly despite the jitters currently tormenting him.

sunghoon tilts his head a little in confusion but he still assents.  
"let's go get some air at the back."

sunoo wordlessly follows him to the back of the house, a less crowded area. his hands feel like he just washed them but not with water but sweat.

no words dared to come out of sunoo for a good few seconds as he tries to collect his thoughts and assure himself.

sunghoon stays silent. the quiet tap of his feet settles to a rhythm.

_take a chance, sunoo. take a chance._

"sunoo, what is it that you---"

"sunghoon-hyung, i like you."

there it is. finally, he said it. sunoo feels like a huge weight was taken off his shoulders and he dares himself to look at sunghoon's eyes.

sunoo wishes he should not have because he does not know what to do with the look of disbelief sunghoon is sending him.

"sunoo, we barely know each other. we barely even spoke to each other aside from the casual hello's. how can you even like me?" sunghoon asks, his voice strained with confusion and incredulity. his veins are pulsing in his neck as his tone of voice become more at a loss.

sunoo opens his mouth to say something, taken aback by sunghoon's words. still, he does not have the heart to give up yet.  
"i know but i still like you, hyung. i want to know you more."

sunghoon shakes his head,  
"sunoo..."

"hyung, why not?"

sunoo takes a step closer. sunghoon takes a step back.

"because i like somebody else, okay?"

sunoo halts, breath hitching. he feels like he just took a punch to the gut, robbing him of air. sunghoon sighs and looks away from him, hand reaching to card his hair in a defeated fashion.  
"i am sorry, sunoo but i do not see you in the way you see me."

sunoo remains silent for a short amount of time, taking in his words. he has never imagined that rejections can hurt this bad. sunghoon let him down carefully but sunoo still fell hard and it hurts.

"sunoo, i am really sorry."

"it's okay." sunoo manages to squeak out, his throat closing up and his eyes starting to blur with hot tears.

"sunghoon! you just disappeared while the gifts are about to be opened. it is _your_ birthday party, you idiot." a new voice breaks through their conversation, footsteps nearing the two of them.

park jay saunters towards sunghoon, not even noticing sunoo who has shrunk into himself. through the mess of water pooling in his vision, sunoo is unfortunately able to see the look on sunghoon's face as he notices jay. the same look he had back at the library two weeks ago.

a devastating realization dawns on sunoo and all he wants to do is climb back to his bed and cry.

out of all people, jay is the very important guy sunghoon mentioned. park jay, notorious bad boy and troublemaker, is sunghoon's important person.

sunoo sees _it_ in jay too. he has never seen him gently touch anyone prior to him grasping sunghoon's arm ever so carefully. his mouth spits half insults to sunghoon but his eyes are swooning over the taller boy.

the two do not even seem to notice when sunoo leaves, footsteps quick and bent on going back home.

sunoo kept walking with no care to what is in front of him. in doing so, he bumps to a small number of people but he did not care nor did they. sunoo is just another face in the party, nothing more.

"sunoo-hyung, what happened?" jungwon blocks sunoo's way, causing him to halt and almost bump him.

"i feel sick all of a sudden so i'm heading home." sunoo fakes an assuring smile, pointedly avoiding jungwon's gaze.

"i'll just grab my bag then we can go---"

"just _please_ let me leave, jungwon! have fun. i'll text you tomorrow."

it is clear by now that jungwon has caught on to the fact that he is _not_ okay. sunoo can't bear the tears any longer and they started to fall, messing his make up and staining his clothes.

"sunoo-hyung..." jungwon makes a move to touch him but sunoo avoids his effort to reach out.

"i swear i'm fine, jungwon. don't worry about me. bye." hastily, sunoo moves past his bestfriend and rushes to the door.

he hears jungwon call his name but luckily, somebody cuts in and distracts the younger. he does not really want to have any companion right now other than his self.

people shoot him worried and cautious glances at the bus as he sat alone at the back. his quiet sobs muffled by his sleeve fill the vehicle yet no one dared to come closer or even ask if he's okay.

sunoo shuts his eyes as his sobs turned to pitiful hiccups and his heartbeat slows.

why didn't he just listen to his gut?

the signs were in front of him yet he still pushed through it. he still fooled himself.

_take a chance?_

_ha._

___________________________________________

  
february 15, 2020

_take a chance, my ass._

sunoo bitterly scoffs, burying himself further in the warmth and comfort of his pillow.

 _take a chance_ _?_

_take a chance?!_

he did that, didn't he? he took two chances and what did he end up with? _nothing._

nothing but heartbreak, disappointment and all sorts of negative emotions.

nothing but a wet pillow and bloodshot eyes.

nothing but hopeless dreams and lack of skills.

nothing but---

"sunoo, a lee heeseung is on the phone for you." sunoo's dad opens the door by an inch, peeking his head in.

sunoo's eyes widen by a fraction and he could have never gotten up faster than now. he almost trips on his blanket as he hurries to grab the phone from his dad.

"hello?" sunoo clears his throat before repeating the greeting in a louder tone.

"hello? sunoo?" heeseung's voice seeps through the device. sunoo can picture his bambi eyes are widened and a little smile comes to his face.

"hi. why are you calling and why the landline?" he meets eyes with his father and needless to say, sunoo is still a little angry at him for what he said. his father does not know yet about his side job as a photographer for the school paper and sunoo intends to keep it that way. his joy about this cannot be taken from him.

he turns away and in the most polite manner, closes the door on his dad.

heeseung replies in a quiet voice.  
"my phone was confiscated. i just wanted to make sure that you're okay. it never sat right with me that i let you go home alone last night so..." a nervous laugh echoes from the other side.

sunoo chuckles a little, well aware of the warmth rising to his face at heeseung's obvious concern.  
"hyung, we talked last night when i got home, didn't we? and since i'm still talking to you, i guess that counts as okay."

he receives another nervous sound in return and frowns. they had already gotten past the 'stranger' stage of their friendship, hadn't they? why is heeseung acting all awkward around him all of a sudden?

"heeseung-hyung, are you okay?" sunoo does not even bother to hide how weird he finds the older's behavior is.

" _yeah_. i'm good. i was just worried, i guess. how are you feeling now?" sunoo releases a quiet huff as he plops down back his bed.

"about what?" he tries his best to dodge the conversation, eyes losing focus while they stare up the ceiling.

he hears heeseung sigh and almost hesitantly says,  
"you should not let him get to you, sunoo. he does not deserve you crying over him."

"that sounds so easy to say yet hard to do, hyung." sunoo deadpans.

he hears heeseung inaudibly let out an _oh_.  
"is it really that hard?"

sunoo hums in confusion which leads heeseung to trip over his own words.

sunoo's mouth yet again transforms to a little smile at that.

"sorry. i-- i... that was insensitive of me. i am just really curious about that _thing._ "

"that thing?"

"you know... _heartbreak_." heeseung replies in a timid fashion. the innocence his voice carries through the phone is pretty much evident.

"maybe, hyung." sunoo whispers, his words laced with memories of him pining for sunghoon from a distance and foolishly thinking that is going to do anything in sunghoon's side.

"love is nothing like the movies, isn't it?"

sunoo does not answer.

"and here i was wishing i'd end up dancing in an empty street." he can't help but giggle the same time a snort escapes heeseung's nose.

"i don't think that lead to a happy ending." he quirks, earning a small gasp from heeseung and laughing at him.

a companionable quiet follows and sunoo finds the situation a bit bizarre. if he had been told 2 months ago that he would be talking on the phone with lee heeseung, sunoo would surely have laughed at the absurdity.

"do you want to go out today?" sunoo's heart skips a beat as the sudden question breaks through the silence.

he frowns, "it's a saturday."

heeseung's chuckle reverbrates.  
"well, this is not a bucket list adventure."

"what is it then?"

"we are just hanging out, you know, as friends."

"is there any other way to hang out?" sunoo huffs good-naturedly.

"we can do it as self-proclaimed relatives of a notorious chaebol and waltz into a high end ball but i think we have quite enough of that before. i'm not sure i can handle any more terrifying suspicions or i would faint." heeseung jests, donning an on point imitation of the shrill, stuck up way those villainous rich moms speak in dramas.

"please stop. that is the cringiest thing i have ever heard."  
sunoo lets out an unintelligible snort that bounces off the walls of his room and surely reaches heeseung as well from the gleeful laugh that echoes from the other side of his phone.

"hey, it made you laugh so it's a sacrifice worth making."

"shut up."

sunoo imagines the smile heeseung is wearing widening and grins.

once their giggles had toned down, heeseung speaks again, his voice so clear it leaves sunoo the impression he is in the same room as him. sunoo might even assume heeseung is lying beside him, only centimeters away.  
"do you wanna hang out with me?"

there is nothing more that sunoo would want to do today. he knows if he doesn't, he will just end up wallowing in the remorse he has for park sunghoon breaking his heart.

and to be honest, being in heeseung's company has become beyond what the bucket list entails. sunoo now wants them to establish a companionship that is not limited to thursday hangouts at 4 in the afternoon.

it would be a lie if he said the older was not the greatest source of comfort he needed last night. he realizes that crying can sometimes really feel less painful and strenuous when you have a shoulder to cry on. in his case, heeseung's neck.

"sunoo? _yah._ did you fall asleep on me?" the sound of heeseung's voice pulls him back. from the teasing tone he hears, sunoo imagines heeseung to be wearing a grin with his nose scrunched.

"your presence makes me want to doze off." sunoo fakes an exaggerated yawn. heeseung clicks his tongue in mock annoyance.

sunoo shakes his head and finds it stupid because heeseung does not see him do that.  
"what, when, and where?"

"you decide, you decide but not before 4pm. i have a shift. sorry... and you decide."

"that is very un-heeseung of you. not taking the initiative and having a plan already laid out."

"and you questioning every little thing i do is spot on sunoo behavior."

"shut up."

"is 'shut up' going to be our 'okay'?"

"what?"

"the fault in our stars."

it does not ring a bell. sunoo is more into horror movies anyway.

there is an underlying tone of offense in heeseung's voice.  
"before this bucket list ends, i'm making you watch that with me."

"and mister control freak is back."

"you're tempting me to make you watch it now."

"okay, okay."

sunoo thinks of what to do with a contemplative hum. this lasts for almost a minute until he brightens up, an idea popping to his head.  
"karaoke, same time as thursdays, and  
the karaoke place near the pork skin restaurant we went to."

"okay, i'll pick you up."

"okay--- wait what? i thought we would just meet up." sunoo fiddles with a loose thread of his pajamas as he says so.

heeseung chuckles nervously again. it's a little weird.  
"it is more convenient since we live in the same vicinity and we do not have classes today."

"you have a point." sunoo trails off a little. "i will see you later then, i guess."

"see you."

while he waits for heeseung, sunoo chose to use his spare time of approximately 5 hours to do some extra reading for next week's examinations. the topic of him being the school's new photographer next school year comes back to him and he feels rather thrilled about it. but then, sunoo remembers he does not have a camera yet.

following that trail of thought, sunoo cannot avoid thinking of what happened last night. he understands --- he truly does --- it is hard for jay and sunghoon but sunoo does not really see how sunghoon really went that low.

and sunoo is doing it again, letting sunghoon mess with his head. sunoo is better than this.

by quarter to 4 pm, sunoo is in the midst of fixing himself up decently when his phone vibrates. an appreciative smile adorns his face when he sees jungwon text him that he will be visiting. this is quickly replaced by a gasp at the reminder that he has a friendly date with heeseung.

the worse part is, heeseung is picking him up so jungwon might see him.

sunoo immediately thinks of sending a message to jungwon that he is sick but he pauses upon the door opening.

"jungwon is here, sunoo-ah. are you two hanging out today?" this time, it is his mom who comes and tells him.

"uh..." sunoo opens his mouth but he can't form a response or excuse. there is that well-accustomed feeling things will not be ending well today.

"just reviewing, mom. for exams. can you please tell jungwon to come up here?" sunoo struggles in maintaining his calm expression. luckily, his mom buys it and leaves to call jungwon.

"hyung, you have to tell me everything." jungwon immediately says, forgetting all forms of common greeting, as he plops down the foot of sunoo's bed.

sunoo sighs remorsefully as he closes his closet door, eyes downcast no matter how hard he tries to appear unaffected and indifferent.

"well," he laughs a laugh without humor, "it did not go well so consider the idea of being sunghoon's boyfriend thrown out of the window."

"what happened?"

"your bestfriend here was used so sunghoon can 'move on' from his ex. should have known."

jungwon stares at him for a hot minute, eyes unblinking. from his look, the screws in his head are probably working with ways to hurt sunghoon. sunoo is not keen on asking.

"are you okay, hyung? and don't you dare lie to me." jungwon has him cornered and sunoo is not even planning on sugarcoating things.

"still feeling shitty but i, uh, i was able to cope with it last night." sunoo resists giving any other reactions, just in case jungwon gets suspicious of what he said.

"i'm so sorry, sunoo-hyung." jungwon rises from the bed to give him a comforting hug. sunoo reciprocates and feels warm at the gesture.

his eyes abruptly blink open when he senses jungwon taking a whiff of his perfume.  
"why are you wearing perfume at home?" jungwon pulls away from sunoo to survey his clothes.  
"are you going out?"

"what?" sunoo's voice was high pitched. he plays it off with a scoff.

"i just like wearing perfume everywhere and these," he points to his clothes, "are newly bought so i was just trying them on as a whole."

jungwon hums. "two."

"two what?"

"those two statements were lies."

"no. they weren't."  
sunoo tries to brush his accusations off but to no avail. once jungwon comes to a conclusion, it is usually right. this is the same guy who almost kissed heeseung to get a boyfriend. love really makes you stupid.  
"fine. i _am_ going out today."

"with whom?"

"no one." he curses internally at how hurried those words left his mouth.

_ding dong!_

sunoo immediately realizes what jungwon is up to once their eyes meet so he wastes no time in dashing out of the room with the intent of getting ahead of his bestfriend and telling heeseung to hide.

fun fact, jungwon can run faster than sunoo.

jungwon passes him by hair's breadth and is able to get to the door first. sunoo just shuts his eyes and braces himself for what happens.

he can tell from the quiet gasp jungwon releases that shit just got more complicated.

"i think i have the wrong house. _hehe._ " only heeseung would try to get out of an obviously doomed situation. his poor and useless attempt to lie in jungwon's face has sunoo cringing.

"oh, don't even bother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a filler chapter ig
> 
> next one is a time skip 😗


End file.
